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The Truth About Scarblade's Socks


by squareular

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One of Neopia's greatest mysteries. No, I'm not talking about where Neoschools went or how old Hannah is. No, what I'm talking about is so secretly mysterious, you probably never, ever stopped to think about it.

I'm talking about Scarblade's socks.

You may think I'm crazy. My pets certainly do. And my brother. And my classmates who have to put up with my random bursts of laughter about Vikings and office chairs. In my defense I claim I have an overactive imagination. Anyway, back to the socks...

It all started when I was browsing through the shop blogs. You see, my shop is a little blah at the moment, and I was thinking about updating it. But enough about my problems. There I was, happily scrolling down the page without a care in the world, when I saw it. Right in front of me. You know the one, it's on page thirteen, with him standing on a treasure chest, proudly displaying his socks for all the world to see. And it was the socks that caught my attention. The glorious, horrible socks. The glorious, horrible, purple socks.

Don't believe me? Go look for yourself. They're right there. I didn't believe it myself at first. I sat there staring for a few moments. I thought, it must be a miscoloring. So I went and looked at the Maraqua plot. And lo and behold, there his socks are purple too.

This did not compute. What was Scarblade doing wearing purple socks? Not that I have anything against purple socks; I have a few pairs that I'm quite fond of. But purple socks aren't very piratey. Nor threatening. I mean, seriously, how scary is a pirate in purple socks? “Oo, I'm going to come rob you in my pretty purple socks!” Come on. Plus, they totally clash with his outfit.

What I should have done was put it off as some little oddity, and laugh in Scarblade's face every time he came to cackle madly at me. But of course I didn't. I already knew from my previous research that there was no mention of Scarblade's socks in the Neopedia, or the Neopian Times. So I decided that I was going to interview him. And then I chickened out. Purple socked pirates are a tad more terrifying when they're waving swords in your face. And I doubted he had completely forgiven me for my previous article about him.

So I sent a letter to the editor. I figured that at the most, TNT was as sane as I am. And I have a phobia of pointy, sharp objects. I sent off my letter and eagerly waited for a response.

That was over a year ago.

At first I was worried that TNT had finally been taken over by Meepits, but they kept cranking out editorials and new items and site updates, so I figure they're safe for the meantime. It is a possibility that they just laughed at the loony who was going on about Scarblade's socks and chucked it in the rubbish bin. But I think it is highly more likely that Scarblade sent one of his pirate minions to intercept my letter so the truth about his socks will never be known to the world. Well, this loony is not so easily detoured.

At last, I reached the conclusion that I would have to interview him. I could see no other way. Constructing a random theory was out of the question. The last time I did that I was attacked by pirates, and now I only construct random theories about people who can't cause me bodily harm. No, this time I was after the truthful truth.

Seeing as how I would have to venture into pirate territory, I decided to bring one of my pets along for safety. But did I bring my sword wielding wanna-be-pirate Kougra? Or my Cybunny with slightly vampiristic leanings? Or even my lab rat who recently turned into a scary looking Darigan Meerca? No. I took my happy, sunny, bouncy, yellow Lutari.

And so the next day, Jalex and I dramatically set off on a boat for Krawk Island. However, we arrived not so dramatically, because I had forgotten I get seasick. After recovering for a bit, we sat down and tried to figure out where to find Scarblade. In all of my ten minutes planning for this trip, I hadn't actually considered that part. In the end, we decided the best plan was to jump up and down waving “Scarblade come here” signs. It was that or run around the island yelling “Yoo hoo! Scarblade!” We decided to compromise by jumping and yelling at the same time.

The first three hours of jumping and waving and yelling went spectacularly. But I eventually got tired. Jumping up and down can do that to you. Jalex was still bouncing up and down like a wind up toy, but eventually after ten hours straight she gets worn out too.

So there we were at eight-o'-clock at night feebly waving our signs and croaking out the occasional “Scarblade.” I was just about ready to give in and call it a night when a voice in front of us said, “You two are pathetic.”

Now before you get all “how stupid can you get letting someone sneak up in front of you?” let me say in my defense that it was pitch black. Krawk Island must have a vendetta against street lights or something, because there isn't a single one. My Kougra insists it's because it's easier to jump people in the dark, but I believe that Krawk Island is just full of insomniacs for whom a single light won't let them get a wink of sleep. But that's another story.

Anyway, we weren't too concerned at first, because we had been getting tons of encouraging “pathetic” comments all day. It wasn't until the figure in front of us lit a lantern that I started panicking. He was large. He was green. And he was wearing purple socks.

“I was just going to ignore you, but now I'm afraid you'll just jump up and down for the rest of eternity, so what do you want?” In the non lantern hand he was holding a large, shiny sword.

I tried to answer, but my eyes were too preoccupied with the large, shiny sword for my mouth to do anything.

Jalex, apparently, does not have any fear of pointy swords because she piped up, “We want to interview you for our Neopian Times article!”

He sighed. “Fine. Make this short, kid. It isn't great for my reputation to be giving out interviews. What do you want to know?”

I managed to croak out, “Why-socks-purple?”

He had apparently been ignoring me so far. He scrutinized me. “Hey, I know you! You're the one who wrote an article around a year ago saying I eat coconut cream pie! Do you know what that did to my reputation? I was a laughingstock for months! And now you want to write an article about my socks?! Who hired you? The Defenders of Neopia? Garin?” He was become more crazed by every sentence, until he was practically foaming at the mouth.

I was ready to run for our lives at that point, but Jalex, being ever friendly, never cuts off conversations in the middle. “Nobody hired us; we just want to bring the public the truth about why you wear purple socks.”

If I didn't know better, I would have sworn he smirked at that point. “I'm afraid I can't let you do that. Why you have an obsession with the color of my socks is beyond me, but it will have to come to an end.”

I finally mustered up enough courage to protest, “You can't do that! Freedom of the press, and all that.”

“Yes, but you can't interview me if you aren't around anymore.”

Suddenly, from out of the shadows, a large gang of pirates jumped out and ambushed us! We fought to the best of our ability (Jalex's note: No, you didn't; you cried like a baby, Gwen) but there were too many and they overpowered us.

We found ourselves presumably on a ship, stuffed in sacks, headed off to Fyora knows where. I spent my time singing my ABCs backwards and forwards and sideways. That is, until Jalex accidentally rolled into me, causing me to bash my head on something hard and knock myself out.

The next thing I remember was waking up to my Kougra saying, “I told you so, I told you so,” repeatedly. Apparently Scarblade had mailed us home. I wasn't aware you could send bodies through the postal service, but I'll keep that in mind.

Anyway, after all that, I still never found out why Scarblade wears purple socks. I had to come up with my own conjectures. My top one is that his mom made them for him, and being the kind, caring, considerate person he is, he wears them in order to please her.

That or he spilled grape juice on them and couldn't bother to wash it out.

 
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