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Beneath the Rocky Surface: The Interview with a Rock

by yippo_yippee


After many, many perilous days (or months) of traveling among the exquisite race of pet rocks, I have returned with a rather... detailed interview with one of the many pet rocks. I am very delighted to have this opportunity to delve deeper into the minds of the rocks (not literally) in order to find out more about this wonderful species. Though I must say that this little rock has been ruffled about a few times before starting...

Before you scoff, take into consideration the weight and strength of the average pet rock. They are extremely strong and hard. Teasing them is indeed a foolish act. You have been warned.

As I was saying, pet rocks are a highly developed race of petpets. They are quite smart and are capable of conversation just as your average Neopian owner is. Finding them is rather difficult, seeing as they are the ultimate champions of Hide-and-Seek. Hence the reason that pet rocks are no longer welcome in the game.

Busy creatures rocks are, and limitlessly entertaining! It’s always fascinating to learn more about them. However, do not forget that rocks can be possessive and if you happen to catch their eye (and yes, they do have them)... you may get a little sidetracked. Like in my case. Seems the rocks found my presence a lot more exhilarating that I did or expected it to be.

Anyhow, I suppose I'd better start our interview!

NOTE TO READERS: The following interview is made possible via the use of the rock language translation device cleverly named, “The Translator”. Sorry, limited stock left in Neopia (in other words, you can’t get it).

Yippo: Hello. What’s your name?

Rock: Mew.

Translation: My name is Grey-rock-who-hates-it-when-people-think-I’m-edible.

Yippo: Um, just out of curiosity... Why would anyone find you... Edible?

Rock: Mew.

Translation: I never said I was edible.

Yippo: But your name-

Rock: Mew.

Translation: Exactly. A name can be whatever you want it to be. You chose Yippo_yippee, and I chose Grey-rock-who-hates-it-when-people-think-I’m-edible.

Yippo: That’s besides the point...

Rock: Mew.

Translation: It’s logical to me.

Yippo: Okay, you win. Now-

Rock: Mew.

Translation: Why is my name “Rock”?

Yippo: *sigh* Excuse me?

Rock: Mew.

Translation: My name is NOT Rock. It’s Grey-rock-who-hates-it-when-people-think-I’m-edible.

Yippo: It’s not exactly the shortest name...

Rock: Mew.

Translation: Nor the longest.

Yippo: True. But still.

Rock: Mew.

Translation: Is this an interview or a debate?

Yippo: FINE. But we’re still calling you “Rock”.

Rock: Mew.

Translation: Very well. I’ll try not to notice the degrading too much. I’m sure if I close my eyes and imagine that I was lying somewhere nice and warm that I won’t even feel the pain.

Yippo: ... Anyway, what is the best part of being a rock?

Rock: Mew.

Translation: PET rock. It’s always great to be a rock because you can do things that other petpets can’t.

Yippo: Like what?

Rock: Mew.

Translation: Spy on evil villains without anyone noticing.

Yippo: *swallows* Villains? Just evil villains?

Rock: *grins broadly*

Translation: -none required-

Yippo: *splutters* Wait... how...?

Rock: Mew.

Translation: Go on.

Yippo: How did you do that? Smile?

Rock: Mew.

Translation: I altered the direction of the rays of sunlight so that they could refract off my beautifully polished surface to attain the desired effect.

Yippo: I see. What’s the worst part of being a rock?

Rock: Mew.

Translation: The feeding sessions. When pets deliberately force feed us when we are absolutely capable of nibbling the food out of their hands.

(Refer to “The Inside Story of the Rock”)

Yippo: But you still need them to... feed you?

Rock: Mew.

Translation: Yes. Naturally.

Yippo: What angers you and your kind?

Rock: Mew.

Translation: When Neopians make furniture out of us. It isn’t a comfortable process. It pains me to see my kind being forced into... round shapes! Like tables! It’s almost hilarious.

Yippo: But you are round.

Rock: Mew.

Translation: I am not.

Yippo: Then what shape are you?

Rock: Mew.

Translation: I am a sphere. With a nub on top which looks like I have bumped my head on something hard.

Yippo: Okay... Now, I’m really curious but... Why are you mewing at me?

Rock: Mew.

Translation: I ate a kadoatie about three hours ago.

Yippo: What? Are you sure?

Rock: Mew.

Translation: Actually, now that you mentioned it, no.

Yippo: Phew. That would be weird.

Rock: Mew.

Translation: It was more like three hours and four minutes ago.

Yippo: You ate another petpet? For real?

Rock: Mew.

Translation: Yes.

Yippo: Why?

Rock: Mew.

Translation: It wanted a rock. Fine. The kadoatie can have a rock.

Yippo: Oh, um. So, where do you live?

Rock: Mew.

Translation: I live on Mystery Island.

Yippo: And the petpet shopkeeper there hasn’t found you yet?

Rock: Mew.

Translation: No. I am very good at hiding.

Yippo: I can see.

Rock: Mew.

Translation: Of course you can. You’re sitting in front of me.

Yippo: ...

Rock: Mew.

Translation: Wait. How did YOU find me?

Yippo: I... needed you for an interview?

Rock: Mew.

Translation: I suppose that’s a good enough reason.

Yippo: *looks back down at interview questions* What makes you happy?

Rock: Mew.

Translation: Playing games, basking in the sun and hanging out with other rocks.

Yippo: OH! That sounds fun! What do you do when you hang out?

Rock: Mew.

Translation: We sit around in a circle and watch each other.

Yippo: Is that it?

Rock: Mew.

Translation: Yep. But, it’s like a staring competition... except that you can’t move.

Yippo: Well, that must be exciting.

Rock: Mew.

Translation: It truly is.

Yippo: If there was one thing you could do right now, what would it be?

Rock: Mew.

Translation: Be loved by everyone.

Yippo: I’m sure everyone loves you.

Rock: Mew.

Translation: I know the kadoatie inside me doesn’t.

Yippo: Aside from the kadoatie...

Rock: Mew.

Translation: How about-

Yippo: Alright, let’s move along, shall we? Anyway, what final message would you like to leave for these Neopian readers?

Rock: Mew.

Translation: Go away.

Yippo: Well, I guess that’s nice...

Rock: Mew.

Translation: I’m joking. I hope all the Neopians decide to look within themselves and to buy a pet rock. They need homes just as much as your Sludgy does.

Yippo: Thank you, Grey-rock-who-hates-it-when-people-think-I’m-edible.

Rock: Mew.

Translation: You’re welcome.

That draws our interview to a close. I hope you have learnt a little from this... rather, informal interview. As you know, pet rocks are a beautiful species and can also come in a variety of colours-

Rock: Mew.

Translation: Oh, please. Do we look like an art canvas to you?

Yippo: Why are you here again?

Rock: Mew.

Translation: I don’t exactly walk, run, swim, jog or roll very fast.

Yippo: Okay...

-So they come in a variety of colours and quite a few still need homes. Perhaps this interview has enlightened you with a new sense of passion so that you feel like adopting a new pet rock.

Until we meet again, farewell from your fellow rock friend.

Rock: Mew.

Translation: Is that me?

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