Still thwarting Sloth's mind control... Circulation: 177,073,856 Issue: 335 | 21st day of Running, Y10
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A Candychan Tale


by twocents

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I flitted across the landscape that had been my home for the last twenty years of my life. The glorious, noble and most sublime Terror Mountain. The only place fit for an individual as amazing as me.

     I dived down toward the ground and approached a frozen lake. Landing gracefully, I peered down at my image. Perfection, as always, I smirked to myself. My eyes were of the deepest charcoal, my body of the cleanest snow. My twig-like hair swooped up impeccably, and my wings... Ah, tis only near perfection! I leapt back and landed in the snow. Wiggling around a bit, I wanted to make sure a good dusting of snow graced my wings. Standing back up, I looked again at my image. The snow allowed the sunlight to pierce through my wings in the most amazing way, allowing for the radiation of a brilliant green.

     Yes, there was a reason why I am the most admirable of all Neopians. A picture of perfection as a Snow Candychan, all Candychans want to be me. All Neopians want to be Candychans, and thus, the entire planet envies my amazing features.

     I adjusted slightly to get a better view of my magnificence, when I first heard, with my astounding hearing, and then saw, with my marvelous peripheral vision, something move over in the nearby trees. Since I am the bravest of them all, I flew over to see what it could be.

     Someone groaned and moved slightly. I tiptoed toward It, and kicked It with my foot. It made a funny noise, and I leapt back. It had purple and green matted hair and a dull fuchsia outfit. Oh, It was so hideous!

     “I think I shall keep you, It,” I told It happily. My very own Neopet!

     I pulled It up on to It’s feet and peered at It’s face. Ah, It was wearing blush, so It must be a girl! How odd, though, the concept of rubbing an ugly color onto your face. Oh, well. Who understands these crazy Neopians?

     I picked up a ball of snow and threw it at her face. “Wakey, wakey!” I declared. “I shall take you home, and your name is It.”

     It made an odd sort of grumbling noise and attempted to mumble something. I didn’t bother to attempt to understand her. Neopians always talk nonsense anyway. I grabbed her paw, and led her through the deep snow. As we walked past the forests, heading toward Snowy Valley, I wondered where I would keep her.

     “I know!” I told her. Not that she could understand what I said, but I felt that by speaking to her, the poor Neopet would feel reassured. “We will keep you in the Ice Caves, by the Snowager. He will protect you from all, including your own foolish antics.”

     I switched paths, and dragged her toward the Ice Caves and away from Snowy Valley.

     “You will really like it in the Ice Caves. It is perfectly chilly. A silly Neopian like you will be cold to your very core! Is there any better feeling? Plus, it is really close to both Terror Mountain, for when you feel like burrowing deep into the snow, and to Snowy Valley, for when you like showing off how impressive you...” I glanced back up at my ugly new pet. It was not the most marvelous thing in Terror Mountain. She would perhaps fare better in Tyrannia or something, but she was here with me, and she was my hideous Neopet. “Well, you probably could not show yourself off, but I am glamorous beyond all belief, and you can feel very special to know that you are the Neopet of something so majestic and beautiful! I take your breath away, I do.” I continued to chatter until we reached the Ice Caves. It was making funny noises again, and probably needed to hear my calm and silky voice.

     “Well, here we are!” I proclaimed. I looked up at it, and instead of joy decorating her face, she was... shivering. Well, the cold is amazing, I am sure she is fine.

      I led her over to a nice icy spot in the caves, and patted the ground. “Sit!” I demanded. She did as she was told. She was a good little Neopet, despite not being overly worthy of having me as an owner. “I will be right back,” I told her, and took off.

     I whirled through the air, until I landed high up in the cave. I poked around in the various cervices and openings, trying to find another Candychan who I could show off my hideous new pet. I could not locate anyone, so dejected, I flew back down to It’s location. Well, it would have been her location had she been... located there. Ugh, where did that silly Neopet wander off to? Not only is It repulsive, but apparently, she is also dull of mind, I grumbled to myself. Now, to hunt her down.

     “Iiiiiiit, where are yoooooouuuu?” I called out, at the top of my healthy, well-inflated lungs. Then, I perked up one of my beautiful ears, and listened for a response from my pet. Nothing. Guess I've got to go look for her, even if she can not look after herself. She is my pet after all.

     I wondered what a Neopet would want. What do the usual tourists come here for? Ah, my quick thinking and witty mind thought up the best idea ever: the Neggery! I flicked through the air, and went inside. Luckily, the Negg Faerie was still there.

     “Have you seen my pet?” I asked her. “She has frizzy, matted green and purple hair and she is where an unflattering fuchsia outfit. She is hideous and her name is It. Have you seen her?”

     The Negg Faerie pondered for a minute, as she mentally filtered through the various customers that day. She shook her head and said she had not seen It.

     I wandered over to the Scratch Card Kiosk, next. Surely, she was gambling away some Neopoints she had stumbled across at some point. After all, she is not nearly as clever as I, and could not have possibly made them. Someone must have dropped some and she picked them up. I nodded decisively. It was a plausible scenario, anyway.

     I walked over there. I knew she would not be there, for no matter how plausible my scenario was, it still was not plausible enough for it to have actually occurred to her. She is far too foolish! I declared. I was rather tired of It by this point.

     I poked my head into the Kiosk, and the Wocky told me the same thing. He also had not seen my hideous little pet.

     Well, the only other possible place that a harebrained Neopet would want to go do in the Ice Caves is go see the Snowager, but he was sleeping and only a complete fool... like my pet would go wake him. Ding, ding, ding! The brilliance bell rang off in my head. You can not think rationally when you own something as foolish and unsightly as It, I chided myself gently, of course. After all, I was still the best thing to ever grace Terror Mountain.

     I pattered rhythmically over to Snowager. He looked as if he had recently been disturbed. I floated up into the air and landed on his face. Peering into one of his large eyes, I told him about It, and asked if he had seen her.

     I jumped off his face and landed in front of him, awaiting his response. Snowager sighed and uncoiled slightly, before hissing out, “No.”

     He coughed, as I walked away, and a bit of shiny purple stuff landed on the floor. Ew. “Bless you,” I called as I flew away.

     I decided I would not find It. No matter. It was just a Neopet, and frankly, I had lost interest in her inane noises. I glided through the air, across the beautiful landscape that perfectly meshed with my own personal flawlessness. I landed, again, at the lake, and I pondered briefly about what fate It could have met. Then I realized, “Hey, that’s one good looking Candychan there.”

The End

 
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