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Happy Un-Valentine's Day

by popolopolis_the_3rd_


Also by squishable

Valentine’s Day is a time of love and joy. It’s a very happy time, where Neopians can show other Neopians how much they care about each other.

But not all Neopians enjoy this day dedicated to showing caring for other Neopians... So what do they celebrate? Un-Valentine's Day of course!

We caught up with a few of our “friends” at the Gallery of Evil to see how they celebrate their Un-Valentine's Day.

The Pant Devil:

The Pant Devil’s favorite Un-Valentine's Day activity is Un-gift giving, which is very similar to regular gift giving except instead of giving people gifts you take them away from people. The Pant Devil had this to say: “My favorite Un-Gifts are Valentine's Muffins and Chocolates. Yes, they certainly are delicious.”


Playing pranks is a major way to celebrate Un-Valentine's Day; one of Vira’s many un-Valentine's Day pranks is to add poison to bouquets of flowers and giving them to unsuspecting pets on the streets of Neopia Central. Some years she has been known to disguise herself as a florist and sell them to pets to give as gifts to their friends. She said, “A very disappointing Valentine's Day for those pets, but a very happy Un-Valentine's Day for Vira.”


Meuka also enjoys playing Un-Valentine's Day pranks on people, his favorite one is to make special chocolates to give to his Un-Valentine he likes to call “Green Jelly centered Chocolates”, although if one year Meuka asks you to be his Un-Valentine, don’t be foolish enough to eat these chocolates... as we all know very well what they really contain.

Count Von Roo:

Count Von Roo enjoys a more traditional form of Un-Valentine's Day. He has quite a knack for anti-decorating. Anti-decorating typically involves the destruction of everything pink and ‘lovey dovey.’

The Count advises, “Anyone who tries to anti-decorate their houses should have at least three black markers, a pair of scissors and a few bin liners.” Anti-decorating is one of the easier and more popular ways to celebrate.

The Court Dancer:

The Court Dancer loves to cook for her evil friends, but one thing she loves more than that is Un-Valantine's Day cooking. The Court Dancer prepares her foods in the most vile of places- the Dung Places, and uses only the worst ingredients. She does wonders with the icing, disguising the brown oozing gel or the mysterious squirming black thing. Once she has finished with all that, she likes to entertain all of her not evil ‘friends.’

The Tax Beast*:

Five words... don't have ANY money out.

The Tax Beast makes it his job to make sure the pets celebrating Valentine's have paid their Valentine's taxes. Valentine's taxes are possibly the worst of all taxes; he charges taxes on giving gifts to your valentine, and he charges an even larger tax on /having/ a valentine. Now that’s harsh!

(*This was made known to us by Meuka during our interview with her because the Tax Beast charges rather hefty taxes on being interviewed for the Neopian Times.)


Jhudora has not done anything especially evil to celebrate Un-Valentine's Day yet, but we suspect she is plotting something especially evil... perhaps it will involve putting worms into Illusen's cookies? Or maybe making pets retrieve rare artefacts for her quests so she can create something evil? Only time will tell....

Dr. Frank Sloth:

Dr. Frank Sloth is possibly the most evil of all our friends at the Gallery of Evil, so who better to explain the traditions of Un-Valentine's Day than him?

This is what Sloth had to say: “I like to make pretty decorated chocolates and hand made cards for my Valentine using lots of glitter and pink sequins; girls really like glitter and pink sequins. And ooh! I also think fluffy pink plushies make great... wait, hang on... you wanted a comment about UN-Valentine's Day... Oh dear...”

So how can I celebrate Un-Valentine's Day?

Ahh! That’s a good question. If Valentine's Day really isn’t your thing, why not group up a bunch of minions or head on down to the Gallery of Evil and have an Un-Valentine's party! Some things to remember for your un-Valentine's party are gifts, decorations, food and drink, and games. Just remember when organizing these things for your Un-Valentine's Day celebrations to make sure you think OPPOSITE to what would normally be used on Valentine's Day. Here are some ideas our friends at the Gallery of Evil suggested. Some great Un-Valentine's Day gifts are Ripped Valentine's Chia Plushies, Torn Valentine's Day Cards, any black petpets, anything Halloween themed (what’s more of an opposite to Valentine's than Halloween?). When shopping for Un-Valentine's gifts we suggest you stay well clear of Valentine's gifts such as loveberries, bottles of love, Loveberry slushies, Valentine's cookies, Valentine's neggs, Valentine's muffins, and Valentine's Day T-Shirts.

Decorations-wise, why not darken up your house with some Skull candles (our personal selections are the Black skull candle and Spooky skull candles)? Again, any Halloween (Halloween decorative banners, Halloween goodie bags, and Halloween Lenny gnomes) or Gothic (such as Gothic lamps, Gothic beds and Gothic tables) decorations make a great addition to an Un-Valentine's decorated house.

One of the most important part of your Un-Valentine's party should be food (being evil can get villains awful peckish, after all). There are lots of different food to choose from, and with minions as hungry as they are in the Gallery of Evil, it doesn’t really matter what you offer up when you are catering. But to keep with the theme of your un-Valentine's Day festivities, it is best to avoid foods such as loveberries, loveberry slushies, Valentine's muffins, Valentine's cookies, Valentine's heart shaped chocolate boxes, Valentine's neggs, and chocolate love shakes.

As for activities as suggested by the Gallery of Evil members, why not try playing pranks, anti-decorating, cooking, giving gifts (un-gift giving is trademarked by the Pant Devil and you will be forced by the Tax Beast to pay a massive “stealing the Pant Devil’s fun” tax), and anything else Valentine's related... just put it into reverse!


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