Xweetok - The New Evil Threat
We all know about the evil villains of Neopia. That’s right, Dr. Frank Sloth, Captain Scarblade, the Meepits, and all those cliché Neopian Times comic villain guest-stars.
But as we sat laughing at Dr. Sloth playing with his “secret” Usuki collection, a new evil has been rising through the streets of Neopia. And this time, this is no laughing matter!
Most people don’t realise that, sitting within our very Neohomes, is the biggest rising threat Neopia has ever faced.
Now, I’m sure you’re thinking “What on EARTH is she going on about?”
Well, I’ll tell you.
The XWEETOK. Yes the Xweetok is the latest big threat to the peace of Neopia. But why? Why the Xweetok?
Well, after observing the evidence, I have found it to lead to a surprising conclusion, and perhaps an insight into the Xweetok’s plan.
First, I will show you the results of the physical appearance of the Xwee subjects I have found while travelling Neopia.
First of all, all Xwees have a thick fur coat. Now, to most people, that doesn’t mean anything. But to those trained in animal anatomy (not like I am, but I’m smart... somewhat), they will notice the coat is most defiantly a winter coat. It appears the Xweetok doesn’t have a summer coat, but a permanent winter coat. To most Neopets, this would be a terrible disadvantage. A summer coat is significantly cooler than a winter coat, as the fur isn’t quite so long, and doesn’t trap quite so much heat. A shorter fur coat is also less favoured by the many parasitic petpetpets of Neopia.
So, other than making a Xweetok smell worse than your Pick-Your-Own basket filled with dung, and covered in small bugs, what purpose does this serve? Well, quite an important one actually. The Xweetok species has learnt that a permanent fur coat is exceptionally useful in their cover-up plans. The Xweetok cannot afford to lose their cover-up story. A little known fact about Xweetok is that they all possess amazing weapon handling abilities. So what do they do with the weapons? They hide them in the large amounts of fur they have. This way, we do not suspect they own some form of weapon, and no matter how much we prod and poke into their fur, we couldn’t find the weapons.
Next, we see the Xweetok has a fist. Now, this fist does have a purpose. The Neopets Team has stated this purpose is to hold many hand-held clothing related items. Now, here is where we have a lesson in Xweetok anatomy.
The Xweetok is a Neopet which mainly walks on four legs. They do possess the ability to walk for short amounts of time on two legs, but prefer four.
Unlike most other four legged Neopets, with the recent redraws of all species, the Xweetok appears to have a fist. This fist is not just there because the Xweetok can support itself on three legs, and TNT thought “Heck, why not?” The first serves a much deeper purpose than that. You see, the Xweetok is not innocently waiting to hold a Shenkuu Inspired Paper Parasol, a Ruki Hand Puppet, or indeed the Bonfire Night favourite- the Sparkler. They are actually shaking their first at the world, and showing rebellion against the way things are run.
There is also the colour attributes of the species. Like every Neopet, the Xweetok comes in four basic colours- Blue, Green, Red and Yellow. However, unlike most Neopets, the basic colours of the Xwee contain more brown than basic colour.
Now why is this?
Many people believe this is just the way the Xweetok’s genes are. However, this is not the case.
The Xweetok species artificially change the colour of their children’s fur at birth, before they arrive at their owner’s abode. This colour change shows the Xwee’s rebellious goals. The Xweetok species wishes to break the mould of the basic colour pets, to prove they are indeed trying to plot against Neopia.
Now, you’re probably thinking of the Korbat, aren’t you? Like the Xweetok, the Korbat has more white in them than basic colour. I’m afraid I have no explanation for this. I studied the Xweetok, not the Korbat after all. However, my studies have concluded the Xweetok is a species that works alone, and does not want the assistance of another pet species. Also, the Korbat was discovered before the Xweetok, meaning it is unlikely that the Korbat was recruited into the Xweetok armies.
Now, we’re starting to get a different view on the species, aren’t we?
Well, it doesn’t stop there.
Now we shall view the statistical evidence. (If you can call them statistics. They actually contain very few numbers.)
The Xweetok was discovered on the 29/ 30th November 2005. Since that date, over eight million Xwees have been created. They have become 8th on the species popularity table.
Nearly a month later, on the 28th of December 2005, the Ogrin species was discovered. Since this date, just over 1 million Ogrins have been created.
Now, there is just a single month dividing these two discoveries. Yet the Xwee has significantly surpassed the Ogrin on the popularity table. Now how has this been achieved?
Simple. Upon examining a Xweetok specimen in more detail a few years before (who now lives out her happy days as an innocent Buzz), I have found their eyes to be large. Their fur to be furry. Their posture to be similar to quadrupeds. All these attributes have been proven to ring a smell bell within the minds of us humans. This bell is nicknamed the “OMG IT'S CUTE I MUST OWN IT!” alarm. This alarm draws in smaller children, mainly female, and the furry loving inhabitants of Neopia.
The Ogrin on the other hand, doesn’t appear to emit such an alarm to Neopians. (Once again, I have studied Ogrin specimens up close a few years previously.)
This alarm is crucial to the Xweetok’s success as a species, and to their plans.
This alarm also explains their placing on the popularity charts.
For this, I will be considering all the newer species of Neopia. Which I consider to be, in no particular order:
The Lutari (However, this species will be not counted, due to its rarity)
The Xweetok is 8th on the popularity table, at the time of writing this article.
Looking down the popularity table, I can see the next pet from the list above is the Yurble. Of course, the Yurble is at number 32. As you can see, there is a MASSIVE jump in the popularity.
What can explain this?
Well, after careful examination of the Beauty Contest Board, I have found out the users on the board find the Ruki to be a disgusting bug, the Ogrin to be a “weird” pet. The Yurble and Bori have been described as cute. I then brought up the Xweetok, and was instantly told that the Xweetok is much cuter than any of those pets.
It appears the alarm the Xweetok causes in the brains of humans is able to null out the want for any other pet species, as people appear to want Xweetoks more than any other species.
So how does all of this information relate to an evil threat?
Well, it is simple.
The Xweetok have been conducting years of secret research, from even before they were discovered. Their research uncovered that “cute” was the best way to lull Neopians into a full sense of security. They have developed ways to make their species as cute as physically possible.
They have succeeded in this task, and surfaced from underground burrows to disperse numbers across the globe.
During their research into what makes humans tick, the Xweetok have also been furthering their plans to take over Neopia. They combined the plans with the research, and learnt how to keep their forces armed at all times, without the humans suspecting a thing.
Their physical appearances, although look innocent enough, have a hidden message of rebellion in them.
Overall, this leads to the conclusion that the Xweetok has developed some form of mind control power to help them succeed a goal of world domination.
How this is achieved, I’m afraid I do not know. I will continue to prod further into the subject, and try and work it out. I do not feel my research will be successful, as the Xweetok is known to be very good at keeping secrets. I will publish my results if I find anything.
I have dedicated my time to researching this subject after seeing a curiously high amount of Xweetoks and their owners. I have recently discovered an immunity to whatever causes Neopets to look cute, and wish to use my immunity to help the people of Neopia.
Don’t be surprised if from now on you realise your Xweetok is acting oddly.
And don’t say I didn’t warn you when they start putting their plans into action!