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Common Misconceptions: The Brain Tree

by visorak_commander


It's dark, pitch black in the Haunted Woods, and it's not yet even midnight. You've been walking for hours through those foreboding trees, enduring constant howling and growling from all around you with no idea what sort of horrible creatures are making them. Finally, after you're just about to collapse from terror, you reach a small opening in the woods... and scream in petrifying horror as you see a massive tree with a brain growing out of its top!

If you've ever listened to and enjoyed some spooky story like that one, though probably even lamer, you must be one of the nineteen-twentieths of Neopia that has made a pastime of abusing common misconceptions of most of Neopian culture. Well, I've come back once again to denounce your stupidity and teach you the countless errors or your ways! Just keep reading, and you'll soon realize how you've only helped to stereotype one of Neopia's more infamous characters, the Brain Tree. Actually, you've helped stereotype more than him, but I don't have enough room in this article to talk about all of your poor victims.

Anyway, too many people take one look at the smartest tree in the world and go "Ugh, it's a mean tree with a brain. It's ugly." Sure, the Brain Tree has never been known for how attractive he is, and take note of the "he," but because of that people start basing their opinions of his other aspects off of that. They start with "he's ugly," then go on to "he's mean," and finally they decide that there's nothing good about him at all. Yes, he's mean and ugly, but that's beside the point; he's mean because nobody likes him, and nobody likes him because he's mean. It's a vicious cycle that started a very long time ago, with his very origins.

Even back in his youth, no one ever really took the time to talk to him, to find out what makes him a real living being: what he enjoyed, what he feared, what his dreams were. He grew sullen and bitter throughout his life, just a thing of campfire stories, with no friends or family like the rest of us have to encourage us. Of course, you and everyone else just think "Dude, duh. It's a tree. It can't move. What dreams could it have?" Well, he obviously wants to become the smartest creature in all of Neopia, but he has to rely on the rest of Neopia to help him gather information. But he doesn't like Neopia, nor does Neopia like him, and so he has to resort to giving out prizes just for talking to him; rewards just for you to help out a fellow living being.

Even now, I doubt you're ashamed of yourself; you're coming up with any excuse you can to make your attitude acceptable, right? I won't even waste my time pitying you. Still, you and the rest of Neopia haven't completely ruined the Brain Tree's life: he's grown used to being the root of jokes, disassociated with the rest of the world, having no one to talk to. Even though he has to give out rewards for it, he enjoys knowing that he really is the smartest creature in Neopia, and as far as anyone knows, he's immortal, so he has a long time more to collect facts from all over. That also means that there's that much longer he has to endure Neopia.

But it gets worse. Not only do only a select few like him, but even most of them don't know anything about him! What's his past like? Where did he come from? We even have some of that information available, and yet no one knows it! Thanks to an adventurer named Samantha, we've gotten a glimpse into his real life, the stuff behind his glare and his quest for knowledge. If you've ever cruised through the Neopedia and read an article called "The Beast that Lurks Behind the Tree," then you already know this, but it's more than likely you haven't: Samantha had traveled to the Brain Tree seeking some information of her own, you see; she wanted to know what he knew about a beast that "lurks behind the tree," but when she asked him he refused to tell her about it and rushed her away with a swipe of his branch. "The tree," she knew, was the Brain Tree, but she couldn't get behind him to explore if he attacked her whenever he saw her.

But since you'll probably just go off and read the article itself when you're done with mine, I'll skip to the end: she eventually got to the beast and discovered that it had long been an enemy of the Brain Tree, also discovering deep gashes in his back. He even protected her from it when it chased her, showing that he values other life just like you and I. Morals, you see? He's mean, but he doesn't lack care for other living beings.

And so he has his own history, too; we don't even know anything about the beast, so what else might he have to face in those dreaded woods he lives in? And while I'm asking, how did he even come to be? Trees with brains never just sprang up out of the ground, I'm sure. It's a mystery. And to think, we wouldn't even have this glimpse into his life if he didn't have his famous quest; honestly, he'd barely even be a tourist attraction if he didn't offer a few rare, good items for giving him his facts.

So, by now, you must think I don't have much else to say. Well, you're right, for once, but I'm not yet completely done: how does he know when you're not giving him the correct information for his quests, really? After a few centuries of life, probably, he knows the subtle differences between a lying person and someone who's telling the truth. That uncontrollably twitching vein in your neck, the faintest hint of an increased breathing rate; the stuff you've got to be trained to notice. He has a lot of experience with lying, conniving people.

So, in the end, I have only one thing to concede to you and everything else to mock: yes, he honestly is mean and scary. Thanks to you, that is. I hope I've opened your eyes to your wretched behavior, rather than your usual stupidity, assuming you weren't preoccupied with proving that you haven't done anything wrong, but I won't keep my hopes up too high. Make sure to keep an eye out for my next issue of Common Misconceptions, and if you have any good ideas of what to write about make sure to tell me. Perhaps some good synonyms of the word "stupid," too; I don't want to be so repetitive, you know. Remember, be safe and be smart! Well, safe, anyway.

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