Where there's a Weewoo, there's a way Circulation: 158,073,880 Issue: 316 | 2nd day of Storing, Y9
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Rainbow Dung: The Pretty, the Strange, and the Smelly


by spirit_of_myths

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Dung. When strolling around Neopia you may discover this vile substance lying on the ground. Perhaps you know where it came from; maybe you would rather not know. Maybe you notice that this piece seems like it would go perfectly with your other dung furniture, or maybe you need something to scare away unwanted neofriends. Of course, most of the time you will walk on or throw it away due to its unattractive appearance. But what if one day you find a piece of dung that is not normal? It doesn’t smell as bad as usual. It has a strange essence to it. You lean over so close it is almost touching your snout or beak. You notice something that takes you by utter surprise. This piece of dung is rainbow! You gasp in awe and pick it up, hurrying away hoping that no one sees you with this amazing treasure. You go home and automatically hide it and search for it in shops and in trades. To your utter disappointment, you find it is worth little over what normal dung is. You are astounded, of course! Where did this come from! How can something this amazing be this worthless!?

Rainbow Dung is one of the most curious items that you can find in Neopia. Where did it come from? Who created it? Why is it so amazing?

Well, no one really knows where it came from. Some speculate that it comes from Rainbow pets. Some say it comes from food that is colored rainbow. Others say that it is a gift to Neopia from the great faerie Fyora herself. Although we may guess we will never know where it comes from. Even though no one knows where it came from, everyone does know that it is the coolest piece of dung you will ever own. What would be a dung collection without the prettiest piece of dung there is? Why throw normal dung at your friends when you can throw RAINBOW DUNG!?! To further show the coolness of this item, I pulled a Neopian out of Fyora’s tower shop to express his views on this item.

Me: Hello! I am interviewing you for the Neopian Times. I have a few quick questions for you if you have time.

Person: Ah, sure. Would love to help corrupt... I mean, give my views.

Me: Thanks! First what is your name?

Person: Um... well, I am pretty famously known as the Faerie of Happiness.

Me: Oh. I thought that faerie was portrayed by Sloth as a way to take over Neopia?

Person: HAHAHAHAHA... *shifty eyes* Sloth? Me never!

Me: Okay then. Could I get your opinion on this item? *hands him Rainbow Dung*

Person: WHAT IS THIS SUBSTANCE!

Me: Rainbow Dung. I would like to know if you think it is the coolest item ever.

Person: Actually I was just about to buy a bag of starry battle dung from the tower to help me take over... I mean spread happiness over Neopia. Of course this item is fascinating! Where can I get some?

Me: Well, actually you can keep that piece if you would like, I guess.

Person: THANK YOU! *gives me a hug*

Me: You're welcome. Now if you could rate this item on a scale from 1-10, what would you rate it?

Person: Ten, of course. It's just so fascinating. Do you have any more?

Me: Yeah, but I was going to ask more people their opinions and then give them a piece of it for a reward...

Person: GIVE IT ALL TO ME! *grabs my bag of Rainbow Dung then runs off laughing*

Me: HEY, COME BACK WITH MY RAINBOW DUNG!

Yes, folks, you heard it right. Neopia loves this item. Unfortunately I lost all of mine to that evil interviewee and have none to hand out to everyone reading this report. Sorry, folks. Of course when you get that piece of treasured dung, I suggest that you protect it with all precaution. Reports of Sloth stealing Rainbow Dung are becoming very large beginning shortly after my interview. So from Sloth lover to Fyora lover, everyone loves a good old piece of multi-colored Dung! If you want to know more about this amazing item, below are some facts that all fans need to know.

-Rainbow Dung usually costs from 2-10 neopoints. Of course we all know that this is a ridiculous price and that it should be at least 20 million a piece.

-The description written under Rainbow Dung is: “If it wasn’t so smelly, everyone would want it.” What a great description. Of course if I could write the description it would sound a little something like this: “An angelic piece of dung, most likely the definition of cool. Everyone needs this piece of heaven!”

-Rainbow Dung usually weighs one pound, but very lucky individuals have found some that are more. *jealous glares*

-Its rarity index is 101. Of course as we all know that really its rarity is around 101 million. Whoever rated things in rarity obviously forgot to put the million in there.

-Giving it and or throwing it makes someone immediately happy (in most cases).

Of course the Neopian Health department needs me to go through some safety hazards. Rainbow Dung. It is for looking, worshiping, and maybe smelling. NOT FOR EATING! Reports of rare neopets eating this dung show that the pets that ate the substance turned a sickly color then suffered from discoloration of the fur, scales, or feathers. So please, no eating. Second. Please place dung somewhere near a fan or window. Something that looks this cool can’t smell that amazing after it is left sitting for five days in the sun. Last warning. When throwing the Rainbow Dung at someone, please refrain from throwing it into their mouth, nose, or eyes. If you see any of the following symptoms, please take your friend or yourself to the doctor. These symptoms include: Obsession with the smell of dung, watering eyes whenever out of sight of dung, dreams that include you singing with your dung, hallucinations showing two of something when there is only one, and tongue turning rainbow. Again take this person to the doctor immediately. Thank you.

So now that you know the amazing coolness of Rainbow Dung, what are you doing reading this article?!?!? Grab some neopoints and head to the shop wizard! Before you know it, it will be all gone!

 
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