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So You Want A Job

by good_good_smile


So you want to get a job.

Perhaps you’re bored of lounging around all day, tired of your Neopet’s whining their new catchphrase, “I’m bored!” Or maybe there is a different reason.

But you do not want one of those jobs where you have to purchase expensive coupons and work for faeries. Perhaps you’d like to work for a... famous Neopian?

But you’ve looked through the Neopian Times, looking for job ads, to no prevail! It seems that you will always be doomed to your horrible, lazy fate...

Random Kacheek in Background: Get on with it already!!

Okay, okay, fine! If you’re an owner who is sick of sitting around the house with nothing to do and want a job, then you’re in luck! I have traveled all around the wondrous world of Neopia and begged many Neopians for job ads. They have given me them, and so I have used them to make up this article! I also tried out each and every job, which took a lot of time our of my schedule, may I add, so I can give you some personal opinions about these jobs! I hope you enjoy it!

Let us begin...

Employer: Dr. Sloth

Jobs Open: Grundo Army General, Secretary, and random minion.

Traits needed: You must worship Dr. Sloth, be extremely obedient, love Grundos, be a pushover, oh and yeah, did I mention that you need to worship Dr. Sloth?

Feedback: To tell the truth, when I’m not slaving away for Jhudora or arguing with Balthazar over the best way to catch a Dark Faerie, I can usually be found with Dr. Sloth. I’ve been working for him for a while. The job pays pretty well: 2,000 per night. So that’s like... 14,000 a week!

Employer: Snowager

Jobs open: Guard

Traits needed: No traits; just really, really, really strong Neopets that love fighting.

Feedback: Well, basically, the Snowager needs Neopets to guard his cave along with himself. The job doesn’t pay very well; only one Happy Negg every 3 days. It’s good for poor Neopians, but not for middle-class Neopians. If you go to the Games Room, you can get 8,000 more NP, but for users who don’t have flash yet have strong Neopets, this is a job worth considering.

Employer: Balthazar

Jobs open: Helping him catch faeries

Traits needed: knowledge on faeries, major mean streak loved, but obedient mindless Babaas are accepted, too.

Feedback: Yuck! Balthazar and I traveled to the yucky swamp to catch Dark Faeries. My boots got all muddy and gross! This job is definitely for pets that don’t mind getting dirty—so you Unis and Usuls will most definitely not want this job. (Well, despite my friend’s male pirate Uni and male Darigan Usul.) He only pays you in bottled faeries, very ungenerously, and if you release them, then rather than thanking you, the ungrateful faeries cast curses on you! I just sold the rest of my faeries – the very few that I had – to Kauvara, and she only gave me a tiny amount of NP! How cheap. Just not worth it. This is an awful job. I hated it.

Employer: Illusen

Jobs open: Being her assistant, her gardener, or coming up with random items to ask users for as quests

Traits needed: Illusen wants a nice, sweet worker who is gentle and very social, so they will not be shy.

Feedback: After doing all those other awful jobs, I felt more than pleased to finally have a peaceful job. It was really fun and peaceful with Illusen! I asked one n00b for a Magical Green Tonu Plushie, and, after cursing in computer lingo, he instead gave me a Magical Yellow Poogle Plushie! I accepted it and only gave him some cookies in return! It was hilarious. But Illusen scolded me and she wouldn’t let me keep the Poogle Plushie. (Darn! I really wanted it!) However, Illusen pays very poorly: only 1,000 a week. This job is for more rich Neopians, who have a lot of time to spare and aren’t desperate for Neopoints. But working for Illusen was a very pleasant experience nonetheless.

Employer: Kauvara

Jobs open: Brewing Potions for her, fetching her ingredients

Traits needed: Kauvara prefers intelligent and speedy workers.

Feedback: Earlier I mentioned that Kauvara gave me cheap amounts for bottled faeries, but she’s not always cheap. Her job isn’t as great as Illusen’s, but it also isn’t as horrid as Balthazar’s. She gives you a bottled Earth Faerie for every two nights you work, nice potions for every five days, great potions for every month, and she even gives you a Kauvara’s Potion if you work for her a year! Of course, though, I didn’t work for her this long; she just told me that that’s what she does.

Employer: Edna

Jobs Open: Fetching ingredients

Traits needed: Um, none... any type of personality except a total mischief-maker is accepted.

Feedback: Edna’s tower is amazingly stuffy! It was quite hard to breathe. I had to dash all around the Haunted Woods, begging the Esophagor to lend me some of his food, and overspending for Edna’s yucky ingredients! I also had to have a race with the Fetch Blumaroo to get this one gross root thing... and now I’m eternally banned from the Fetch game! After all this, Edna only gave me a slimy Popsicle!! I am really, really not going to do that again!!

Employer: Eliv Thade

Jobs Open: Servant

Traits needed: Eliv Thade doesn’t like having intelligent workers who outsmart him.

Feedback: Obviously not many Neopets like to work for Eliv Thade. After all, he’s a ghost, he’s creepy, and everybody knows about his little rivalry with Gilly. (If you don’t, then rush to the Games Room, and quick!) Eliv Thade was more than obliged to let me work for him. “I haven’t had any workers in years,” he told me. “So hurry up! Start cleaning already!” So I worked, cleaning up his house like a little maid – except I was wearing shorts and a tank top – and cleaned up his yucky house. There were millions of cobwebs and an amazing amount of dirt... I worked for hours. Not only that, but Thade also demanded that I cook him dinner. How demanding! Then he had the nerve to tell me that he wanted an Eliv Thade wrap instead of the dainty Faerie bubbles I so graciously cooked for him! I was ready to scream at him, until he gave me my 80,000 NP reward! Hooray!! If you like to be paid handsomely (but have to do a heck of a lot in return), then this is a terrific job! *chases after Thade begging for more work*

Employer: Jeran

Jobs Open: Bodyguard

Traits needed: You must be strong. The job will be easy if you hate crazy fan girls.

Feedback: I know what you’re thinking. “Jeran? The brave knight of Meridell Jeran? Bodyguard???” Well, it’s true. Being the famous heartthrob he is, thousands of female Neopets scream and chase him at the very sight of him. I honestly don’t understand what they see in him... Sorry, ladies. All of his friends are too busy to help him, planning new laws of the state and such. Poor, poor Jeran has to deal with these insane fan girls with himself. So I agreed to work for him. Only two minutes later, I was squished and had footprints all over my body. I quit shortly after. But being the nice guy he is, Jeran gave me a potato for my effort.

Employer: Fyora

Jobs Open: Foot massaging

Traits needed: None

Feedback: Ah, Fyora. At the sound of her name most Neopets feel warm and fuzzy inside. Many Neopets came to me while I was writing this, crying, “Is Fyora offering any jobs? Oh, please, please, please go see her and ask!” All of my Neopet’s friends were so eager that they simply wouldn’t stop bothering me! So I dragged myself to Fyora’s castle and asked her if there were any jobs. Unfortunately, Fyora told me that she already had 400 servants, 300 chefs, etc. The only job open was foot massaging! I tell you, after all the other horrid job I tried, this was one that I did not want to do!

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