Voice of the Neopian Pound Circulation: 177,384,943 Issue: 309 | 14th day of Gathering, Y9
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School Supplies to Lead You to the Top of Your Class

by susankidwell


School is here, which could only mean one thing: rainbow faeries are on their way to take over Neopia! Ok, so it really means it’s time for school supply shopping. Young pets, I know that you are moaning and yelping, mainly from personal experience but also because I can hear you all the way from my Neohome. But really, this is me writing, do you really expect it to be boring? Hey, I heard that! Anyways, I searched through millions upon millions (tens upon tens) of catalogues, hoping to find the best school supplies in all of Neopia. After a few months (minutes) of searching, I had finally finished my research (bored browsing) and now I present it to the youngsters of Neopia: School Supplies to Lead You to the Tippy Top of Your Class!

To begin with, you will need a pencil. Pencils are useful in many ways, from scrawling “I Love Lupey” on your desk to finishing up your annoying Algebra homework. They are also quite useful as darts if ninjas suddenly jump out from behind a bush and attack you, but everyone knows that. Don’t believe all that nonsense about teachers preferring Basic Pencils; everyone knows that’s all lies. The best pencil in all of Neopia is, of course, the Gnome Pencil, because of it striking resemblance to a gnome. However, I’m sure Neopian teachers would appreciate it more if you came equipped with a Tatty Pencil. Teachers just love it when their students don’t read the fine print on the supply list!

Next off, you will need a notebook. Notebooks can be written in, or you can strap them to your back and use them as wings! I think the most practical use would be the latter, but that’s just me. The best notebook out there is the Grey Notebook. Your teacher will love trying to read your homework through the tear marks on the paper. Rainbow Notebooks are also a wonderful choice, as you are forced to write in a curved line, and everyone knows that this will not in any way annoy your teacher. In fact, you might even get extra credit for... creativity! Yeah, that sounds right!

Of course, you will also need a folder to stay organized. Or to store your pizza in. Whichever suits you. Metal Folders would definitely be a great choice. They are quite hard to open because of their weight. Once you put your paper in, you will probably have trouble getting it out. Of course, your teacher will believe you when you say that you didn’t turn in your homework because your folder wouldn’t open; what would make you think otherwise? And I can assure you that your teacher will not be mad at you at all, and you won’t even get in trouble! Another folder of choice would be the Jelly Folder. It melts in the heat, perfect for those spots of jelly conveniently located right over your wrong answers. Your teacher will love you for this, as it will make grading your paper so much easier!

Calculators are very handy to have when faced with Algebra homework, along with a box of tissues. I personally have a Scorchio Calculator. No matter which buttons you press, the screen will always display 5+5, and it never gives an answer. Math teachers absolutely love it when students can’t do their work because of a calculator malfunction. Especially if it happens every single day, heck, you might even get extra credit! Of course, I always carry my back-up Blue Slorg Calculator with me, just in case my other stops (starts) working. This calculator will display any math problem you wish, but the answer will always be 75. With all your answers as 75, your math teacher will find grading your paper quite easy. I’m sure they will treat you kindly for this the next day and not tell you that you are failing in his class. Of course not. What a silly thought. =shifty eyes=

Backpacks are another necessity, quite useful for toting your homework to school. Although, storing candy in them and eating it in class is a wonderful way not to get detention; you should consider that. Quiggle Backpacks are my favorites. They aren’t scary in any way, especially with the gigantic eyes bulging out of the back. Your teacher will never run away screaming when they see you walking down the hall. Never. And they will thank you dearly for that, you can rest assured. Pea Pod Backpacks are another type to consider. They are oddly smaller than most backpacks in Neopia. Fitting your homework in one is quite a task, so I suggest filling it with candy instead. I can say from experience that she will understand. Yes, of course, I would never lie.

Of course, your teacher will appreciate you even more if you go beyond what is listed on the school supply list. Candy and toys are definitely things that belong in the classroom and will never get confiscated. A great idea is to bring your hairbrush to Science and start brushing your hair in the middle of an experiment. Bring your own, more comfortable chair to all your classes. This will not cause an argument and your teacher will congratulate you on your creative thinking. No one will get mad and you will, of course, end up being well loved by all your teachers.

Last but not least, you will need clothes. Of course. Many school have dress codes, so I have had to research within some standards. The clothing items are sure to be well accepted amongst your teachers, no problems. Acara Swim Masks and Fins are quite fashionable, and teachers will love your ability to express yourself through your clothing! They will not under any circumstances argue that your clothing is distracting, why would they? Balloon Crown Hats aren’t in the way of other student’s view; they can simply move their desks and they can see. There’s no reason for a teacher to argue about that, is there? El Picklesaur Brand Wrestling Masks are not obstructing your vision, and anyone can easily tell that it’s you under the mask. No problems here. Since I can’t see why you should get detention for wearing these clothes, there must not be anything wrong with them. Duh.

I hope my advice has been helpful, and I wish you luck in the new school year! And don’t try to tell me Neoschools don’t exist; I won’t believe you. That’s like saying I never give good advice. Ridiculous, of course. Have fun getting to the tippy top of your class!

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