Sanity is forbidden Circulation: 145,228,152 Issue: 305 | 17th day of Hiding, Y9
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series

One Day At A Time

by ayame_23


Schedule of a Lupe Defender of Neopia

     Quote of the Day:

     “Neopia can never stay safe for too long.” -Judge Hog


6:00 a.m.

      Roll over and turn off annoying new alarm clock. Whoever thought that getting one with Judge Hog on it that yelled out orders every morning was insane. I would rather fight crime all hours of the day than be woken up by his voice. Too bad it’s become a regulation for all Defenders to own one. Judge Hog is convinced it will keep us on our toes from the minute we wake up. He was right about that.

7:00 a.m.

      Eat breakfast. No one can defend the world on an empty stomach. However, it’d probably work better if the new cereal I bought didn’t taste like rocks. Yuck, who wants to put this in their stomach? It must be incredibly fattening. I already feel like I weigh a ton, and I’ve only had a couple of spoonfuls. Judge Hog will not be happy if I gain weight and get out of shape. Maybe I’ll skip breakfast today.

      Note to self: Pay more attention when grocery shopping. Maybe cereal wouldn’t taste so bad if I had noticed I’d picked up a box of Gravel Cereal. I blame it on having to worry about the rest of Neopia, even on my time off.

8:30 a.m.

      Check in at the Defender Headquarters. Judge Hog is being his usual surly self as he briefs a newbie on the tactics of defending. Poor kid hasn’t even faced the Ghost Lupe yet.

8:45 a.m.

      Maybe I should have ducked behind my desk, but it’s too late now. Judge Hog spotted me and immediately started shouting orders in my face. I don’t know why we let all of these newbies in without the proper training. It’s like any Jack or Tom off the streets can become a defender these days.

      So why should I be the one that has to go save them when they fall prey to the Cave Chia? They should know better than to steal his club and wave it in his face. Cave Chias are very irritable creatures. Everyone knows that.

11:00 a.m.

      That took longer than I expected. They really made that Cave Chia angry.

12:00 p.m.

      Eat lunch with the rest of the team. The Aisha Defender made this an annoying task today. When I’m trying to have lunch, I don’t want to hear about how her long golden locks got her in trouble today. Maybe if she cut her hair and stopped being so vain, the Ghost Lupe wouldn’t have had anything to grab a hold of and couldn't yank her backwards as she was trying to fly away. Just a thought.

      But I can sort of relate, since she was there trying to save the newbie that Judge Hog sent earlier today. What I wouldn’t have given to see her face when the Ghost Lupe snatched her hair though...

2:00 p.m.

      Regular inspection of Neopia. Fly around and scan my assigned areas for any sign of trouble. Too bad one of my assigned areas is the Haunted Woods. It always looks like trouble there. Not that there usually isn’t trouble there. The Esophagor has come up with a new game of opening his mouth every time an unsuspecting Neopian passes. This results in their foot getting stuck, and then they scream in terror thinking they’re in quick sand.

      I really don’t know how he keeps their feet in his mouth for all the laughing he does after this. Plus, I couldn’t bear the thought of wondering where else their feet had been that day. But to each their own I guess.

4:00 p.m.

      How mortifying. Judge Hog just recently set up a shop to sell Defender merchandise in order to bring in more funds to the Headquarters, and guess who got stuck working a shift today?

      It was quite a job handling all the baby Neopians pulling at my uniform and mask and face. Excuse me, but I am not the Ellie the Elastic Lupe Defender, and I do not stretch like that. I’m not even a girl at all. Seriously, those kids need glasses.

6:00 p.m.

      Check in at Headquarters again. The day’s winding down and nothing too extreme has happened. The most excitement I was given all day was the run-in with the Cave Chia. I guess I should be happy, because that means I can go home and sleep tonight.

      Still... A Lupe could use a little excitement now and again.

9:00 p.m.

      Got home. Lights out. Time to curl into my scary-looking Judge Hog bed. Seriously, why does anyone think I would enjoy sleeping in this? Judge Hog has let his stardom go to his head with making all of us Defenders decorate our houses this way.

     Quote of the Day:

     “When I was a kid, I had to hike three miles uphill both ways to the Defender Headquarters every day. Stop being a product of today’s lazy society.” -Judge Hog


6:00 a.m.

      I wonder if anyone would notice if I chuck my Judge Hog alarm clock out the window. I steered clear of the Gravel Cereal today and settled with some toast. Toast is safe enough.

      Great, I’m up for less than an hour and my Defenders beeper is going off like crazy. It must be an emergency. Maybe something interesting is finally going on.

3:00 p.m.

      Wow, something interesting did finally happen. Captain Scarblade was holding a sea vessel en route to Brightvale hostage. When will that pirate learn that he can’t loot and steal anything he wants on Defender waters? He should know better than to try and pull a stunt like that. Somehow he got away during the fight that broke out.

      I swear, Captain Scarblade must be made of mist with all the slipping away he does out of tight predicaments.

4:00 p.m.

      My routine inspection of Neopia was a tad delayed today, but it was a good thing I didn’t shoulder off the responsibility altogether. I found a little Acara wondering around the Haunted Woods. She claimed she’d gotten lost. She was carrying around this strange looking vial, saying she’d received it from some shady-looking Krawk on the outskirts of Neovia.

      Believe you me, I’ve heard this story before. I took the vial from her tiny paw and tossed it into the Esophagor’s mouth as I was leading her home. Can you believe he tried his usual trick even with me around? Well, I taught him. He did a lot of coughing after that. Whatever that potion was, maybe it’ll keep his big mouth closed for awhile, and I won’t have to worry about him terrorizing unsuspecting Neopians for a time.

5:00 p.m.

      I’m finding more and more reasons to dislike Judge Hog. He still made me put in an hour long shift at the Defenders shop today.

6:00 p.m.

      Checked into the Headquarters. Everyone was in an uproar talking about today’s excitement with Captain Scarblade. I’d had enough excitement for the time being, so I made my way into the lounge and overheard two other defenders talking amongst themselves quietly about the prospect of the Symol hole being a doorway to a large thieving ring we’ve been having problems with lately.

      Ha! Symols as thieves, plotting and stealing all the riches of Neopia! Yeah, when Snorkles fly I’ll believe that. Symols are harmless. Now, Meepits on the other hand...

9:00 p.m.

      Time for sleep. Though I’ve seriously considered spreading a rug on the floor and opting out to sleep on it rather than the image of Judge Hog. I’ve been having some pretty scary nightmares about him ever since I’ve been sleeping in that bed.

     Quote of the Day:

     “Always be skeptical of Neopians who act guilty.” -Judge Hog


1:00 p.m.

      Unbelievably, I was woken up at the crack of dawn today to discover that I was completely incorrect. Apparently Symols aren’t the innocent creatures I had always pegged them for.

      We have one of them, one that claims to be the leader. His name is Donnovan, and if I’ve ever seen a more evil-looking petpet, then I don’t deserve to be a defender. He was snarling and spitting the whole time we brought him into custody, but he couldn’t deny the charges. One of our undercover petpet defenders went into the Symol Hole following an anonymous tip, and, low and behold, there before his tiny eyes were all the goods that have been disappearing here lately.

      Symols.. Who would have imagined?

2:00 p.m.

      Routine inspection carried out with little to no excitement. Though it was rewarding to see the Esophagor glare at me as I passed overhead. Apparently his mouth isn’t in as good of working order as it usually is. Ah, blissful peace.

4:00 p.m.

      This is ridiculous! Judge Hog informed me that I’ve been “promoted” to mascot, and now I have to stand outside the shop saying corny lines that he created for me. I’ve never been so embarrassed in all my life. This even surpasses the time my cape got stuck in the branches of the Brain Tree, and I was dangled upside down until rescued.

6:00 p.m.

      Judge Hog congratulated us for our wonderful work so far this week, but, as he says, “The week is only half over, and we never leave our work half done.” Which means, if he had been speaking clearly, that we still have plenty of work ahead of us and to not get lazy just yet and forget it.

9:00 p.m.

      I’m so tired today that I think I’ll just give in and sleep on the Judge Hog bed. As frightening as it is, it’s still pretty comfy. The things I brave for the good of Neopia.

      Whoever said being a Defender was easy has another thing coming. If it wasn’t for us, Neopia would be in trouble all of the time. I devote every day to protecting the weak.

      Don’t I at least deserve a normal bed?

The End

Search the Neopian Times

Great stories!


Am I Not Cute Enough? ;.;
Cute Pets To Rescue... Anubis: check, Kadoaties: check, Hasees: NOPE!

Art by xo_madison_ox

by pineapple_apple


The Voyage of the Fair Mortog: Part Two
"He's completely oblivious about her, the fool," came a voice that seemed to be answering my unspoken question. "She only even talks to him because..."

by ilovetoread_247


Where Did All the Binkies Go?
Maybe your friend has a spare one. She has a darling baby Mynci...

by stnzhndmdn


Altadorian Cobb Salad
Dinner courtesy of Underwater Fishing...

by tissuewaster

Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.