Enter the Snowflake's lair... Circulation: 141,450,161 Issue: 296 | 15th day of Relaxing, Y9
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Garlic Pizza

by fiuodisit


So, after being awakened from what should have been a ten-thousand year slumber, Count Von Roo was free to roam the shadows once again. When his hunger finally became insatiable, he began to take victims. Not too many, just a few petpets here and there. Then it got worse, and he needed more. Much more. He began to seek out abandoned pets in the depths of the Haunted Woods. Then one day, he found a way to the so called ’Safe Haven’ of Roo island. Legend has it, if Von Roo bit a sentient life form capable of advanced thought, they too would become a vampire, just as malicious as Roo himself. Once the Count found you, there was no escape.

And with this, the electric Blumaroo took his seat at Neoschool. The class applauded, and the teacher, Ms. Yars the starry Kacheek, stood up. “Thank you very much, Marko, for that marvelous report on the ancient folklore of your homeland, Roo Island!” And then the rest of the class went, the last being a baby Lupe by the ‘original’ name of Dontstealthisname (or D.S. as his friends called him). He did a report on the ancient legends of Geraptiku. In his report, he told of how some brave explorers never returned from the lost city, and that some people believe their spirits became restless and will forever haunt the island. D.S. took a low bow, and sat down next to Marko.

      The Lupe leaned over and whispered, “Hey, do you wanna come over to my neohome tonight?”

      Marko looked troubled and simply asked, “Will your owner be OK with me over there?”

      D.S. smiled and said to his friend, “I promise you, he’ll be fine.”

Later that evening...

      D.S. and Marko walked up to the door of 99129 Harbour lane, Mystery Island. When D.S. opened the door and walked inside, Marko just stood there. D.S. looked at him and asked, “What’s wrong? It’s not like the roof is going to cave in!”

      Marko looked at his feet and said, “I’m just shy, that’s all. Do you think I could talk to your owner for a minute?”

      D.S. nodded his head, took a deep breath, and shouted across the large neohome, “AARON!” His voice echoed down the stone hallways for what seemed like an eternity before a tall, teenage boy in glasses came walking down the corridors. He looked tired, and carried a few books under one arm and had a mug filled with coffee in the other hand.

      “What is it?” the boy asked.

      “Aaron, I was wondering if my friend Marko could spend the night. He’s kind of shy.”

Aaron looked from D.S. to Marko, then back. He gulped down the rest of his coffee, and said, “D.S., your brothers aren’t here, so you don’t have to worry about them. I, on the other hand haven’t slept since Wednesday, because I’ve been studying for finals week at my school.” Aaron took one last look into the huge, puppy-dog eyes that D.S. was making, and sighed. “Just keep it down so I can study. I have Latin and Algebra exams tomorrow. Come on in, Marko.” Then he mumbled to himself, “I’ve gotta get more coffee.”

      D.S. slapped Marko on the back and said, “Welcome to my humble abode!”

      Marko stepped into the neohome and looked around. He simply said, “Nice place you’ve got here.” The two of them went to D.S.’s room and began playing games to while away the hours. After a while, they began to get bored of Kacheekers, Cellblock, and the Buzzer Game. Marko then had a good idea.

      “Let’s tell horror stories!”

      D.S. thought about this for a moment, and then responded, “Sure! I’ll go first. Once, two friends were dared to spend the night at the entrance of Geraptiku, and they were both scared, but they did it anyway. So, they were in a tent, and they heard a rattling noise outside. Well, I guess they were technically outside, but they were outside in a tent. Am I making any sense?” the baby Lupe asked.

      Marko nodded, and said, “Yeah, I understand what you’re trying to say. Just keep going.”

      So, glad to have support, D.S. cleared his throat, and started again. “Well, one of them was like, ‘What’s that rattling?’ and the other one said, ‘I dunno, but it’s close,’ and then they heard a scream and they were never seen again, the end.”

      Marko looked around for a second, and then said, “...Right. The plot of that story is logically flawed. If no one ever saw them again, how does anyone know that story? Here’s a good horror story. It’s about Count Von Roo.”

      Just hearing those three words this late at night sent chills down D.S.’s spine.

      The electric Blumaroo turned down all of the lights, and began. “On one particularly dark night, Kreludor was in a new moon phase, leaving nothing but a gaping black hole in the starry sky where it should have been. It gave the impression that someone was screaming, and that hole was their mouth, forever frozen with fear.”

      Already, D.S. was quaking with terror, and had his blanket pulled up to his chin.

      Either not noticing or not caring about D.S.’s discomfort, Marko went on with his story. “There was a Blumaroo, caught outside in the harsh, biting chill of a winter night on Roo Island. He had strayed too far into the woods, and got himself lost. Not knowing what to do, he just kept walking, hoping that he would find a way out. It was no use, and he just got even more lost. Finally, when he had given up all hope of possibly getting home, he spotted a dilapidated, ramshackle old house. It wasn’t the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, but it could at least provide some protection from the night. He knocked on the door that was practically falling off of its hinges and wasn’t at all surprised when his tapping cracked the old, rotting thing. When no one opened it, he gave the door a firm shove, and it fell without the slightest amount of hesitation. The Blumaroo looked inside and everything was covered with layers of dust accumulated over the years. He stepped inside, and it was much warmer than the outside air. There, he managed to get a few hours' rest, but then it was time once again to set out. He stood up from the couch he had been sitting on, and began to walk toward the gaping exit. Before he could make it, though, a terrifying demon from the nightmares of every citizen on Roo Island blocked his exit. It was Count Von Roo!”

      At this point, D.S. couldn’t help it, and let out a yelp.

      Marko simply looked at him and began speaking once again. “The Blumaroo screamed and began tearing in the opposite direction, but who should be awaiting him, other than the Count. ‘Look into my eyes!’ Roo demanded. The Blumaroo was automatically compelled to look, body moving against his own free will. What he saw when he turned, no words could describe, but I will try my best for the sake of the story. He saw two red orbs, each one containing a deep void, each void inescapable to those who fell in. He was falling in. All he could see were the eyes; he couldn’t move, couldn’t think, just see the voids. The last thing he could remember hearing was the evil laughter of a possessed soul, then there was a prick in his neck, and that is the end of the story.”

      Eyes open wide, D.S. had nearly passed out, and the chances were very good that he had wet himself. “B-b-but, y-your st-st-st-story is l-l-logically flawed. How d-did any one kn-know it?” D.S. could barely muster up the courage to speak this sentence.

      “Because,” Marko said, standing up, “I am the Blumaroo from the story!” Marko smiled, revealing two long, wickedly pointed fangs protruding from his upper jaw.

      “AAAAAHHHHHH!” That was about all D.S. could think of, that and running. He rushed down the hall, and looked back to see an electric Blumaroo silently gliding along the hall after him. D.S. knew what he had to do, and took the twists and turns that he had memorised, and came bursting through the door into a room. Heart beating wildly, he threw himself into a corner.

      Seconds after, Marko came flying into the room. “Oh, D.S., come out, come out wherever you are... I’m so glad that you got your owner to invite me i-” and at this very point, Aaron walked into the room, eyes half-closed, empty coffee mug in one hand. He took a look at the hovering Blumaroo.

      “‘Sup Marko? Playin’ hide and seek with D.S.?” Aaron blinked a couple of times, and then yawned. “Don’t mind me, I’m jus’ getting more coffee. Your feet aren’t touching the ground. Cool.”

      Then, Marko threw himself at Aaron, mouth wide open. He knocked the teenage boy to the ground, and the two began to struggle on the floor, a bundle of arms, legs, tail and coffee cup, battling it out in the kitchen. For a minute, it seemed that a vampire would have the upper hand in a fight against a sleepy teenage boy, but then Aaron began using his mug on the offense and threw the Blumaroo against the far wall. D.S. had been waiting for Marko to come close, and this was the perfect opportunity. The baby Lupe slammed a cardboard box right into Marko’s face! The vampire let out an earsplitting shriek and disappeared in a puff of black smoke. D.S. did it! He defeated a vampire! Then he remembered Aaron! He ran over to the boy.

      “Aaron, are you all right!”

      Aaron covered his mouth, stifling a big yawn. “Yeah, I’m jus’ tired. What happened?”

      D.S. smiled and told him the whole story.

      “What was in the box that you used against him?”

      D.S. just laughed, and then said, “Garlic pizza!”

      Aaron made a strange face, and said, “Gross. Your brother Legseven asked for that pizza four weeks ago. At least it had some use other than stinking up the kitchen. I’m going to bed now. Good night.”

      D.S. jumped up and hugged the boy before he had a chance to leave and then went to his room. D.S. said to himself as he fell asleep, “What a night.”

      In a room across the neohome, behind a closed door, a teenage boy smiled, revealing two long, wickedly pointed fangs protruding from his upper jaw.

The End

Sorry if it's... odd, I'm wacky on decongestants at the time of writing. Neomail me for comments or critique!

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