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The Gelert Contest

by paranoia_suxx


Have you ever wondered how long a Gelert’s tail is? Or even their ears? Once a year, always in the summer, every Gelert that wishes to take part can go and get his or hers ears and tail measured. The leading champion for the longest ears and tail is apparently the Gelert Prince who has ears measuring 120 neometres and a tail of a whopping 300 neometres. But the all time record holder still goes to Elwyn, author of the Gelert Diaries. His ears measured 168 neometres and his tail was 315 neometres.

But there have been numerous amounts of complaints about the way this contest is run. Should Gelerts really have their tails and ears measured? Many Neopians have put forward the point that it is undignified for Gelerts to spend all year getting ready for this contest. As indeed they do, for many will try several potions from Brightvale Royal Potionery to try and lengthen and quicken the growth of their tails and ears. While others have even been seen visiting Dr. Sloth for ear and tail lengthening experiments. Some Gelerts of shorter ears and tails, or less money, have now suggested stricter rules to be enforced so that it is fair for everybody competing. This has obviously not gone down too well with the richer half, as they also enjoy competing with each other to buy the best potions as well as ending up with longer ears and tails.

As everyone knows, Gelerts' ears stick up when they are happy; their tails are also S shaped. The measuring of their tails and ears is done with a tape measure lent from the kindly folk at Unis Clothing. But questions are starting about the way they are calculate the length. Should they carry on measuring up to each bend, and then onto the next bend? Perhaps Gelerts should no longer go to this contest as a happy and joyful Gelert. But instead think of the loss of their favourite toy before they are measured, so that their delightfully long ears and tails can droop, therefore resulting in an easier way of stretching them to their full length for a more efficient way of measuring them.

What a sorry sight that would look, though! How would it make all other Neopians feel, if on Midsummer Evening they just chanced to be walking through the centre of Neopia, and at 10:30 pm NST they happened to be passing the Rainbow Pool and Money Tree? Seeing an endless line of miserable Gelerts would depress any pet, especially as Midsummer Evening is a magical night, and always sunny and warm. Sad Gelerts would not look correct. So how can we tackle this matter?

Suggestions have been flooding in, giving us helpful ideas. We were taken very much by the proposal from Hayley the trainee Faerie; she suggested that string be used, and then that could be sized up with the tape measure. The way of measuring with string would be done by the one judge holding the string to the end of the ear or tail, and another judge pulling the string all the way to the start of the tail or ear; making sure that it was taut, so as to avoid sneaking in extra neometres. The third judge would be there to make sure no cheating was going on.

The judges are another part of this delightful if undignified contest. For the past few years older Gelerts who do not wish to partake in the challenge have been on the high table amongst the judges. These judge Gelerts are often from the upper class, dare I say; more noble rank of Gelerts. This matter puts more pressure on the lesser ranks to try harder. The higher classes are often closely related to these noble judges, giving them an unfair advantage if the judging is not done justly.

Praise for this somewhat marvellous contest is that it is supposed to give all Gelerts a chance to mingle with one another, some who they might only get contact with on this evening. The emphasis is on the word all. It has been noted that the Gelerts who class themselves superior to many others are only socialising with Gelerts whom they deem to be in their ‘class’. Their posture and unholy manner puts many Gelerts into nervous situations and many often develop a severe case of the Shaky Flakys, before they have been to see the judges, which loses them many scores as the state of their fur and paws is also taken into consideration when the judges present the trophy to the best Gelert of that summer.

The three trophies awarded are for best Gelert, longest tail and longest ears. There is also a booby prize for the Gelert who has the shortest tail and ears; as well as bad fur and paws. This prize is scorned by finer Gelerts as they see at as a prize of [in their words] the scruffy pack of Gelerts. The uppers seem to be assuming that because they have ‘noble’ blood in their veins, they automatically should receive a best trophy, and many battles have started out if a ‘scruff’ wins their trophies!

So, should this contest be scrapped altogether? Or is it just a case of needing to revise the rules, with stricter judges of different creatures from a range of class? There is also the fact that often it is the same Gelert who wins each year; now that Gelert in question does not see anything wrong with it, as they are proud to win each year. But maybe it would be fairer to other less fortunate Gelerts if the winners from the year before were honour presenters of the trophy they won, to the new winner; who would then do the same the next year, and the previous winners could re-enter. This would help to create a diverse range of winners and help put the fun back into the contest; like it was originally intended.

If you have any suggestions or queries about this report feel free to contact the guild of Gelerts or come along to one of our meetings in the foyer of the Neolodge on the first Friday of every month.

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