teh 1337est n00zpaper Circulation: 136,210,130 Issue: 282 | 9th day of Running, Y9
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Tarla: Helpful or Harmful?

by deformedxmuffin


We all know Tarla, the pink-ish Ixi who gives out items every now and then via the Neopets Toolbar. Some Neopians rejoice at the thought of being given free items, while some detest her for deflating them. It's true; she has deflated many previously expensive items such as the Icy Snowflake and the Fire Petpet Paint Brush, but does that make her an economy destroyer? We have an exclusive interview with Tarla to get the whole story! Or at least some of it.

I trudged up Terror Mountain, along with my two Ice pets, Bon and Toast, and opened the door of Tarla's Shop of Mystery, only to be greeted by:

Oops! - I guess I don't have any items for you right now. Hopefully some delightfully mysterious things will show up soon! ;)"

"Um, excuse me... Ms. Tarla?" I said hesitantly. I nodded to my pets to leave in case Tarla got nervous about more witnesses to the interview.

The Ixi was busily wiping some shelves with a cloth, her back to me. "Hm? Oh, hello, there. Sorry, I'm all out," she mumbled absent mindedly.

I cleared my throat and began, "No, that's not what I'm here for. May I interview you, please? It's for the Neopian Times; about your warehouse and your giveaways. It's very important and I hoped that-"

She whirled around, snarling menacingly. "Another one here to complain about deflating items?! Well, let me tell you, you young rip, items these days SHOULD be deflated; they cost too much!"

I took a few steps back, slightly frightened by the usually placid Neopet. Realizing she had given me some important information, I brought out my notepad and scribbled down her words. When I finished, I looked up at her and gulped.

"...I'm not here to complain, ma'am. I was just wondering if I could... maybe... if you don't mind... possibly ... ask you some questions?" I was quite intimidated by this side of Tarla.

"Fine, fine. But make sure it doesn't take too long," she grumbled. "I've got to restock in a little while."

I beamed and flipped a few pages in my notepad.

Me: Is it true that you purposely select pricey items to deflate when you give them out?

Tarla: (looking slightly nervous) Of course not. Lies, all lies. They spread rumours about me all the time. Next question.

Me: ...Alright, then. How is it that you can run your Shop of Mystery and your Giveaways? Doesn't it conflict?

Tarla: I wouldn't normally tell the press this, but you seem like a very persistent person... I plan it so that when I run out of items, I rush to my Warehouse and hand out the items.

Me: Oh, well... I see...

Tarla: What? You don't believe me? You think I'm lying?!

Me: N-no, ma'am. N-n-not at a-all, ma'am.

Tarla: (glaring) Good.

Me: -coughcough- Uhhh, next question! How do you feel about Neopians ranting about you deflating items?

Tarla: It's insulting, really! I give out items that normally cost quite a bit and all they do is complain! Oh, sure, there's the odd Neopian who will say thanks, but the rest just moan and groan about how the price is going to go down! Let's take the Icy Snowflake, for example. It's an avatar item, so of course it's going to cost a fortune! It was marked at 300,000 NP before I intervened. I've seen countless poor Neopians struggling to achieve a high avatar count, only to be stopped by the high prices. So, to show those stuck-up Avatar Chatters, I handed out thousands of Icy Snowflakes! Once the price dropped considerately, I felt my job was done. And it's not just avatar items. Any item that is overpriced, I will try to deflate! It is my sole duty to deflate these items of Neopia!! -triumphant music-

Me: -writing the speech down- Very inspiring speech, very inspiring indeed.

Tarla: Why, thank you! I've been working on it for some time now, since many people ask me that.

Me: ...

Tarla: What?

Me: Nothing... it's just... well, it's odd.

Tarla: Odd?! What do you mean, odd?

Me: Not many people write speeches for fun, that's all... No offence.

Tarla: (mumbling) The youth of today. Disgraceful.

Me: You mentioned that ACers were stuck-up.

Tarla: And?

Me: The ACers are known for their defensiveness. I suspect you will have a lot of angry people after you.

Tarla: Oh, yeah right. The ACers are a bunch of sissies!

Me: I'm an ACer... Does that mean I'm a sissy?

Tarla: Yes, of course.

Me: You seem to have pent up anger for the Avatar Chat. Although sometimes I see where you're coming from, I don't this time. People work hard for their items and to have them deflate so much would be upsetting. Let's say you've been saving up for something for a long time. You finally buy it and the price goes down 90%. It seems almost worthless. And you feel like you've been cheated by paying for much for it. It's common, not special or unique anymore. Almost everyone on the AC has it, even the newbies! Oh, the shame you feel! The bitter feelings towards the one responsible! The need to voice your opinion to everyone! Don't you feel even a little bit of sympathy for them?

Tarla: Sympathy? Hahahaha, I do laugh! So amusing, indeed. Nope. None whatsoever. Zero. Zilch. Nada.

Me: Not even a smidge?

Tarla: None.

Me: Good that we cleared that up... -coughcough- ... Okay... moving on. Now, there have been rumours about you keeping some items for yourself... Is that true?

Tarla: How dare you say that, you impudent toad!

Me: Toad? ...I look like a toad?

Tarla: Out of my shop! You're all the same, insulting me at every opportunity! Out with you! Go!

And so the interview ended. I was forcibly removed from the shop and put out into the freezing cold. Thankfully, Bon and Toast were waiting for me, expecting something like this to happen to me. Disappointed and discouraged, we walked home. I managed to put together my notes to form this article, but I never got the answer to that last burning question and I doubt I ever will. Tarla hasn't let me enter her shop since then.

Yay for Tarla! Don't hurt me, ACers. D=

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