Interview - Sarah the Zafara
Have you ever been to the Help page? I'll bet you anything that you have. ("Anything"
does not apply to my collection of strawberry things and cheese.) Have you actually
paid any attention to the blue Zafara sitting there, with the book and Slorg and
Nova and potion? Or did you just skip happily away to the User Prefs page without
a glance at her? Well, that blue Zafara happens to be Sarah the Zafara. She claims
to know everything about Neopia. I decided to go on a field trip to see what she
was like, and how smart she really is.
So I (my name's Salli, by the way) went to pay Sarah a visit. I went to her
cozy little alcove in the Help page and stood there expectantly waiting for
Sarah to finish reading her really really thick book (and finish sipping her
Orange Cream Slushie. How does she read without getting it all over her book?).
When she finally looked up, she smiled, closed her book, and adjusted her glasses
a little bit.
Sarah: I know absolutely EVERYTHING about Neopia! Are you here to ask me a
Salli: Err... No, actually, I'm here to interview you.
Sarah: You ask questions when interviewing people.
Sarah said this in a manner that made me feel as if I were a Baby Kougra, being
patiently taught the alphabet.
Sarah: What do I get out of an interview?
Salli: Err... you get to be published and your name will be in print on a newspaper
with a circulation of 127,468,185...?
Sarah: Very well, then. But I don't have all day, you know. Look at all the
people who are waiting here for their questions to be answered.
I glanced around. No one except for me was there, but occasionally a few people
would come in and go to the User Prefs page without a single glance in this
direction. I shrugged.
Salli: Okay then. The first question is: How many questions do you get, on
average, every day?
Sarah: A lot. Trust me.
Salli: So how come no one is here now?
Sarah gave me a glare that was so menacing that I almost dropped my notebook
and ran for cover. Almost. But I decided that an interview was so much more
important than my own life and safety, so I continued.
Salli: The next question is: Why do you have a Slorg sitting on top of your
head at all times? Is it because Slorg slime helps you think better, and it's
easier for Slorg slime to permeate into your brain if it sits on your head?
Sarah: NO. That's my pet Slorg, Archimedes. And many Petpets enjoy sitting
on their owners' heads.
Sarah: Yes, of course. If you haven't noticed, the yellow Draik in the Neopian
Times has a Weewoo on his head.
I hadn't noticed that, as a matter of fact. But I decided to move on.
Salli: Next question. Where do you live?
Sarah: Well, I can't reveal the location of my address. If I did, I would be
plagued by mobs of Neopians with questions day and night!
I looked around again. A bit of tumbleweed was blowing around the Help page.
A yellow Wocky and her owner walked to the User Prefs page.
Sarah: But I can tell you that I live in a small but cozy Neohome in Neopia
Salli: So, do you have an owner?
Sarah: An owner?! Why would I, the Zafara who knows absolutely everything in
Neopia, have an owner?
Salli: Just wondering... You didn't have to jump down my throat... A simple,
polite, "no" would have done... Well, the next question is: Do you really have
almost every item in Neopia?
Sarah: Of course I do!
Salli: So, where do you get your money? You don't seem to be very well paid,
sitting here and answering peoples' questions... And we already established
that you do not, in fact, have an owner...
Sarah: Let's just say, I have connections...
I imagined Sarah striking deals with the Lever of Doom, the Evil Mutant Kadoatie
of Doom, Balthazar, and the Pant Devil... The thought was rather disturbing,
so I moved on.
Salli: Is that a Slumberberry Potion? Wow.
Salli: So you know where the Hidden Tower is, too. Care to tell me?
Sarah: Go to Faerieland, enter the castle, turn left at the main staircase
and proceed to the right after taking 57 steps. Then climb up the staircase...
I hurriedly ran to Faerieland and followed Sarah's instructions, only to find
that I had ended up in some abandoned tower that had a curse on it. After getting
out (I'll save that story for later), I went back to Sarah and tried to resist
the impulse to thwack her really really hard with my notebook.
Salli: Why'd you lie to me?
Sarah was practically exploding with laughter at me. Resist, I thought to myself,
and clutched my notebook tightly.
Sarah: I can't believe you believed me. Did you think I'd actually tell you
where it was? Well, anyways, it's a secret. Queen Fyora pays me to mislead Neopians
to keep the location of the Tower a secret.
Salli: So that's where the Neopoints come from.
Sarah: Yep. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to a meeting with King Hagan,
Dr. Sloth, and Finneus discussing the chances that Neopia is undergoing global
Salli: Wait! You haven't answered my last question! How do you read and drink
an Orange Cream Smoothie at the same time without killing the book and upsetting
Sarah yelled, "Practice!"
I had found Sarah to a very intelligent yet untrustworthy Zafara. Neopians
everywhere shouldn't trust her. Ever. As I was pondering this, I noticed that
she had left the Nova and the potion. As I reached toward them, I suddenly realized
that Sarah may have set traps on them. Not wanting to be laughed at (again),
I decided to leave without burgling the magical items. However, as I left the
Help page, a young Ogrin had curiously picked up the potion... Only to fall
into a deep dark pit reminiscent of the spatial abyss in the Altadorian Archives.
Good thing I hadn't taken them.