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Haunted Holidays: The Scariest Things in Neopia

by xcertifiablyinsanex


It's that time of the year again. Unis Clothing is out of stock, again and again, as is the Grooming Parlor. The prices of paint brushes skyrocket. Neopians scramble to buy boatloads of chocolate so they won't be labeled "that lame house that gives out stale omelettes" by Little Johnny and friends, and later be pelted with Pteri eggs. The Chia police, in full force, swarm the streets at night. That's right, it's October - and that means almost Halloween.

Let's go back to your past years of Halloween. Let me guess - a sheet draped over your Neopet at the last minute as a costume? A handful or so of some sticky hard candy? Yeah, your Halloweens were lame. Not this year - I'm here to help. I've compiled a list of the scariest things in Neopia... read on if you dare...

Scariest Petpet- This year's scariest petpet award goes to, without a doubt, the Sklyde. This fleshless creature roams the tangled, thick forest that borders the Haunted Woods, living in the hollowed out trunks of long-dead trees. Just look at the description, too - "This poor little guy is always hungry, no matter how much he eats." No matter what he eats? That sounds just a little morbid to me, as though he doesn't care if he's eating some nice bugs or the aforementioned poor Little Johnny. And he's always hungry, so Sklydes probably finish off all of his little friends, too. Well, serves them right for pelting my house with Pteri eggs.

Scariest Food- Deviled Eggs almost took the prize, but The Stuff is definitely something I wouldn't want to put down my throat. Not only does it look disgusting - a bit like dear old mother's lasagna - but it also smells like my Kougra after he's had a long adventure at the local dump. And come on - the description tells it like it is: "The Stuff doubles in size daily. Eat it before it takes OVER THE WORLD!!!" Not only were triple exclamation points used (always a sure sign of malicious intent), it plainly states that it doubles in size daily. If you don't eat this vile lump of - whatever - it will soon crowd you out of house and home. And squash your home. And maybe Little Johnny's Neohome next door. If you eat it, the results aren't too pleasant either. What's to stop it multiplying in your stomach? You'll explode! The only way to save Neopia from sure takeover by THE STUFF is to discard it, quickly, quickly!

Scariest Faerie- You're going to hate me for this, but Jhudora is not the scariest faerie. Nor is the Darkest Faerie. Despite wide belief, the Soup Faerie is the most terrifying faerie out there. "What!?!" you exclaim. "That's crazy! She's so nice!" But do you realize - she has a monopoly on the food source of all newbies incapable of finding their way to the Giant Omelette? A few magic potions and all of the pets that depend on her for food could quickly turn into mindless killing machines. So be warned, and stock up on Neoflakes Cakes.

Scariest Villain- Well. Most of the villains on this site are quite scary. There are a few, such as Meuka, that you can point at and laugh. And others, such as the Jelly Chia, that simply look delicious and cuddly! But the most terrible villain of them all is the one, the only, Tax Beast. This odd-looking creature walks right up to you and steals ten percent of any moolah currently on you. There's a way to avoid this, of course - by keeping your money in the bank. But what Neopian hasn't felt that twinge of fear as they walk to the Trading Post, nervously hiding their first ever million underneath their shirt so they can buy that coveted Paint Brush? And then the Tax Beast comes - he leaps upon you - and suddenly, you're out a hundred thousand Neopoints. Just two questions - what is he, and why does he pray on innocent Neopians when he could be robbing Little Johnny as he walks to the Ice Cream man?

Scariest Costume- All Neopets look terrific when painted with a Halloween Paint Brush. Shoyrus, Bruces, and Usuls look positively cute. Yurbles can don a horrifyingly realistic tax beast costume. But the Kyrii... the Kyrii is simply ghastly. The Paint Brush causes Kyrii to sprout massive amounts of bushy hair on their chin and several other places where Kyrii don't normally have hair. They acquire a glowing, green stare that could make even the bravest Battledome champion run back to their mothers. Then there's the sharp little white fangs and the black claws on their hind paws. And those clothes! As an owner of a rather prissy Uni, I have been informed countless times that the impoverished lumberjack look is so Year 3.

Scariest Game- Ice Cream Machine is by far the most terrifying game on Neopets. I mean, you're responsible for the life of a poor little Chia! That creates quite a bit of pressure. And you're trying to save this Chia from... ice cream? What's in that ice cream that makes it so bad? Why on earth is Adee trying to escape it? It must be poisoned. And what does that tell you about the rest of the ice cream in Neopia? Could it be poisoned as well? I mean, who tries to escape Double Chocolate Ice Cream on level ten? I can see dodging the Garlicy Bratwurst on level thirteen... but this game raises a lot of questions about what's really in society's ice cream. Questions best left unanswered...

Scariest Toy- Keep your keyrings and cuddle your plushies close, because there are actually two winners for this category - the Spite Doll and the Vanity Doll. The Spite Doll's description reads, "Keep an eye on this doll if your Neopet isn't kind to it..." while the Vanity Doll's is a bit more specific as to whom it shall cause harm - "Warning: Do not give this doll to a beautiful Neopet, the doll won't like it." Both descriptions indicate the Dolls have some level of consciousness. And that's not exactly great in a toy, if you know what I mean. As your Neopet snuggles up in bed with all their toys put away, maybe Spite and Vanity come out to play...

Scariest Negg- The name says it all - the Wicked Negg wins in this category as the Scariest Negg. "A sure way to make your pets wicked is to feed them this negg." Great, because that's just what we want, isn't it? More wicked Neopets, as though Little Johnny and his friends aren't enough trouble for our neighborhood!

Scariest Candy- Brussel Sprout Jelly Beans. Need I say more? It defeats the whole purpose of candy.

Scariest Plant- It's creepy. It's ominous. It's something that makes you want to keep your beloved pet safe within the confines of your Neohome. It's - the Skeletal Bush. Like a claw coming from the ground, it gives a distinct frightening feeling to any garden... as though something's coming to grab you. However - it doesn't work. It's been proven that certain little pesky upstarts can still sneak over and egg your house.

Halloween looms nearer and nearer and these scary things are out full force. Hopefully this guide will keep you safe this holiday. Remember - don't eat all your candy at once!

Happy Halloween!

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