Enter the Snowflake's lair... Circulation: 145,521,815 Issue: 253 | 18th day of Hiding, Y8
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series

On the Impossibility of a Jelly World

by mats77


It seems catching; a silly belief in the notion of a land made purely of jelly has begun to burrow its way deep into the minds of even the most respectable Neopians. There are those who claim to have been there, to know the way, to have walked among the most beautiful gelatinous structures.

Yet, even a mind most muddled by a strong blow from a Faerie Slingshot should be able to recognize the impossibility of such a locale. It simply does not hold up to scrutiny. It almost makes one wonder if this newest craze is some plot of the nefarious Dr. Sloth.

With the recent ability to move freely around the globe, explorers have set off in search of exotic new climes. However, it is quickly becoming even more apparent that there is no Jelly World. As everyone knows, jelly is a substance which has amazing abilities to mold into any shape, but must be kept cold in order to keep from melting. This fact greatly limits the possible residence of a jelly society.

There are three major points of cold on the planet we call home, these being the two poles and a large mountain chain directly to the east of Altador and west of the Haunted Woods. Two of these regions are devoid of any "worlds", and only the North Pole hosts a society, which consists of the residents of Happy Valley, the Ice Caves and Terror Mountain.

The highest temperature at which jelly is able to maintain its shape and not become a sticky mess is approximately 29.5 degrees Celsius, or 85 degrees Fahrenheit. Terror Mountain is the only world on record which consistently is able to keep its temperature below this threshold, meaning the location of a Jelly World, or at least of one which lasts very long, must be near to Terror Mountain.

Extensive exploration, however, and a complete circling of the globe's northern ice cap show no sign of any elusive Jelly Kingdom.

Let us now consider the composition of jelly. Normally, jelly consists of four basic ingredients, these being water, gelatin, flavoring and coloring. Of these components, it is gelatin with which we are most concerned.

Gelatin is the extremely processed result of collagen, a protein which would most normally be taken from the skins or bones of Kaus, Moehogs, Snorkles and Ownows. With the exception of Snorkles, consumption of these Pets and Petpets is unheard of. Let us however assume, for a moment, that the consumption of all four of these creatures was considered acceptable.

In order to create a world completely comprised of jelly, one would have to obtain a great deal of gelatin, which would require an even larger amount of collagen. However, we can see that it is not feasible to obtain this much collagen. Neither Kaus nor Moehogs are endangered, which would surely make them limited pets, but in fact combined have a population of more than 5 million as of the time of publication. For this reason, one can assume they are not the source of collagen for a Jelly World's upkeep. In addition Ownows are unbuyable in any great quantity in a regular Neopian store, and as such would not be a reliable source of the necessary collagen. Snorkles would be the only option, selling for over 10,000 NP each, yet their small size, and by extension, small amount of collagen, make this price an impossibility.

Due to the absolutely massive cost we could attribute to a land made of jelly, we may realize just how impossible this idea is. Perhaps the only Neopian with enough wealth and not enough sanity to fund a society based on jelly is the elusive Kiko that runs the Neopian Chocolate Factory. Known for his wealth and eccentricity, it is possible that perhaps, just perhaps, he would desire to pay the immense cost of constructing a Jelly World. And yet, we may realize that this notion is silly, as no chocolate enthusiast would create competition for his own factory with a world made of a competing product.

So, considering temperature requirements and cost of ingredients necessary for a gelatinous destination, we realize the rumored Jelly World can not exist. However, for further proof, let's consider the fragility of jelly.

Although jelly is renowned for its ability to take the shape of any mold it is placed in, once removed from this mold, the jelly wibbles and wobbles, and if too much pressure is exerted upon it, it falls apart. How then, considering this basic attribute of jelly, can intelligent Neopians believe the stories of a world filled with buildings made of jelly? The empty spaces within the buildings would be more than enough for the buildings to come crashing down. And imagine what it would be like even if they didn't. Walking on a jelly road or a jelly floor, you'd sink in until you drowned in a sea of jelly.

As far as this reporter is concerned, travel destinations are only considered worthy if there's no fear of sinking into my own hotel bed.

As you can see, the circumstantial evidence is overwhelming that a land created solely out of jelly is nothing but impossibility! Those who claim the Neopets Team is misleading us and covering up a great secret are sadly misinformed. In fact, some have even created their own false evidence to try and convince others of a Jelly World.

Those who have claimed to have been to the mythic Jelly World state there is a store which sells food made purely of jelly. These supposed travelers may even present this food to you, objects such as an Orange Jelly Sandwich or Apple Jelly Apple. A quick search of these foods in the handy sidebar does make them seem tasty, yet should you try to see if the item is in stock, you are presented with the ominous warning "Parse error in line 113. Cannot cat to open streamCannot free resource s in crontab113988trf__!!jJJJJelllly329jfddc". Obviously, these jelly foods are not sold in some remote store in some remote world of jelly. Where they come from, it is as of yet unclear, although they should be treated with caution. Everyone knows where those spooky Transmogrification Potions come from and the dire effects they have.

All facts considered, the notion of a land made of jelly, of a great Jelly World, is silly at best. Perhaps the rumors started as a mere joke by some young Neopians, or perhaps they are a more sinister scheme led by those who hide in the shadows. Either way, it is the greatest wish of this reporter that all Neopians realize the truth, and stop clamoring for a tourist destination which cannot exist.

Search the Neopian Times

Great stories!


Who's Hot Today?
Nearly everyone loves the beach and what better way to enhance the experience than with some great beach accessories! Find out what beach essentials you'll need to soak up the sun, sand, and water!

by purplepassiony2k


To be continued...

by princton_fan


Yuck! I'm not eating one of those!!

by puppyluverz


Speck the Speckled
... I'm bored.

by cheetah_kougra

Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.