Where there's a Weewoo, there's a way Circulation: 124,888,518 Issue: 252 | 11th day of Hiding, Y8
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series
 

TTTWHMTON: 10 Things That Will Help Meepits Take Over Neopia


by bill_belichick

--------

As you all know, Meepits will eventually lead to the downfall of all Neopia. This is not an opinion, it is 100% fact. These seemingly cute and cuddly petpets are actually plotting as we speak to take over Neopia. I, the smart person that I am, have recently discovered several things that the Meepits have set up and that will go into action when the plan is initiated. You must realize how dangerous it is for me to write this article, but I must, for I care about all of the wonderful inhabitants of Neopia.

For this reason I have created this article that may not even be published, considering all the influence that Meepits have on the Neopets staff. I want us to be ready for them when they start their attack. So, with no further delay, I present to you: "Ten Things That Will Help the Meepits Take Over Neopia." I'll rank them in order of importance to the Meepits, starting at the least important.

10: Meepits stocking acorns

As a Neopian Times reporter, I do my research. In my research, I found the Neopets TCG card titled, very simply, "Meepit." At the bottom of the card, I quote, "Once they had collected enough acorns, step two of the plan could begin in earnest." I believe that by collecting acorns, the Meepits are storing enough food so that they don't have to rely on the non-Meepit shopkeepers to deliver food to them.

9: Everyone's attention is turned directly to Sloth

Don't deny it, please. Sloth is evil, right? Maybe not as evil as the Meepits, but he's evil. Now think of the last time he did something evil. Can't remember, huh? That means he's getting ready to strike again. I believe that the Meepits will take that time to launch a sneak attack on Neopia while our attention is turned to Dr. Sloth.

8. They've already defeated the vast majority of the Feepit population

How many people do you see with the Meepit vs. Feepit avatar? Not many, not many at all. The reason for this is that if you play Meepit vs. Feepit, you are forced to play as the Feepit. Very few people can defeat a Meepit in combat, and if someone does, the reason is that they are controlling a strong Feepit. I'll tell you, though; there aren't many strong Feepits left. The Meepits are almost done wiping them out.

7. We're spoon feeding them

Meepit Juice Break. Doesn't anyone else realize that WE are FEEDING MEEPITS?!? When you think about it, do you really want to do that? Not only are we feeding them, but every time we earn that avatar and use it on the Neoboards, we're simply creating another location where Meepits can be spawned from.

6. The false Cuteness

Meepits were made to be cute. I can't deny it; if I didn't know what those Meepits were thinking in their twisted little brains, I'd buy one. A lot of people don't know what the Meepits are thinking, and therefore buy one. Soon after, their brains are fried, and I feel sorry for those people. I want this article to be published so that no one is fooled into buying a Meepit. If you have already fallen into the trap, please buy a Sturdy Petpet Cage and place the Meepit inside of it. Beware, when the Meepit sees the cage it will try to run, so be ready.

5. So many people like Meepits because they are evil

That's right; some people are just evil like that. I couldn't believe how many people said that they loved Meepits. There were so many names, it was hard to pick one out that truly showed what they thought about the Meepits. It honestly scared me.

4. Meepit Chairs

These chairs may be rare, but I'd like to warn you right now that they are most definitely not inanimate objects. I don't know whether they are actual Meepits or robots built by the Meepits, but they do terrible things to you. First, they read your mind to find out what you know about anything they want to know about. Then, they eat you. It isn't any more complicated than that. I haven't been able to confirm this information, because if it turned out to be true, then the Meepits would know that I am writing this article.

3. It has come to my attention that 3 is the Meepits' favorite number, so I have omitted the 3rd reason from my article.

2. TNT is already under the control of the Meepits.

That's right, TNT is already lost. On several occasions, they have mentioned the "Meepit overlords." That means that unless one of the staff members that has escaped brainwash reads this article, no one will read this. I'll be the only one with the knowledge, and who knows what they'll do to me before I can spread it.

1. Emo Usuki.

We all hate that Emo Usuki shopkeeper, because as ugly as it is, so many people use it so that we can keep the avatar. I hate it for another reason. This is probably the biggest discovery of the Meepits that I have made, so listen up. Inside every Emo Usuki shopkeeper, there is a Meepit. Did you notice how expensive Meepits were? They're extremely rare because almost all of them are inside one of those shopkeepers. Do the math. If half of the people in Neopia use that shopkeeper, (believe me, it is a lot more than half) then at the moment I am writing this, 62,060,992 Meepits exist solely in those shopkeepers. That's about 62 million. I am warning you, this is the biggest factor in the Meepits' takeover. You may think that we can take them, thinking that that is only half of the number of Neopians out there. But think about all the noobs you see on the Neoboards. You think they'll help? Take the Emo Usuki out of your shop, and save Neopia.

To close this article up, I'd just like to list some people who agreed with me on the point that Meepits are evil. These people are smart enough to realize how evil the Meepits are, and I respect them for that.

They're evil. Why else would the Meepit chairs have sharp, pointy, teeth? ~marieseyah

They are evil! They lure you in and then attack with evil pink fists of dooom! But cute. ~fllowers

Thank you for reading my article, and please note I did not write this for the trophy (although that avatar is spiffy). I want to warn the public. So please, public, be warned.

 
Search the Neopian Times




Great stories!


---------

Her Spirit's Eyes: Part Nine
She raced down the stairs as fast as she could. She spotted two figures: one was Monina and one was Dina. But which one was which was the hard part...

by petfriendamy

---------

The Peophin Incident: Part Three
"Are you out of your mind?" Chaelian demanded. "We're going to sneak into the Snowager's cave?"

by kyrinn

---------

Royal Stain
DaemonBane was the next victim. It was a couple days after Ivy had found the face, but Daemon didn't know that...

by stargal145

---------

The Lost World of Stnaltia: Part Seven
"This is insane!" he finally called. "By the time we get there, we'll be too tired..."

by silentbutterfly



Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.