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Pirates Versus Ninjas

by katu_fushigi


Honor. Glory. A reason to beat up helpless Neopians.

These are a few perks of becoming either a Pirate or a Ninja. There is not a lot known about the history of this debate, but it is believed that long ago, a Pirate Captain plundered the whole of Mystery Island, stealing everything that shimmered and shone. He happened to stumble up to the tip-top of Techo Mountain and found a "Secret" Ninja training school. They clashed like the mightiest of titans, but the fight only ended when both of them collapsed from utter exhaustion with no clear winner. This is only a myth, but who knows? It could be the truth to the source of this animosity.

But why has this continued on for so many decades? You can go speak to the amazing, swashbuckling, super-cool and scurvy-inducing-ly wise Captain Threelegs yourself. (I must say, I have a slight bias, but this doesn't interfere with finding out the weakness of - I mean, that is to say... reporting on them thar light-fearin' yeller-bellied... ahem. Rather honorable and boring Ninjas.) The Captain himself warns you not to trust that beast-of-a-Techo on Mystery Island. When we asked him about this, he rolled his eyes - the nerve! - at us and said, "A fool will learn nothing from a wise man, but a wise man will learn much from a fool." (He was calling me a fool! Really! He was! I think. If it was a joke, it wasn't very funny!)

After being so insulted by this so-called Techo Master, I went and attempted to interview a few of his followers. The keyword here is "attempted". Because I couldn't find them. I also attempted to interview a few of my kinsmen, but they were in the middle of committing a mutiny, or something.

So, I really have no other proof of this grudge, or that Pirates are victorious. (But they are! They ARRRRR.) Maybe we can find where the truth of this grudge started if we analyze the two parties.

Ninjas are generally characterized by a disdain for color, are very quiet, have a strict code of honor and yet are backstabbing assassins. They don't like the daylight because they wear all black and can't really fit in with their surroundings. They're far from social butterflies and make a living by protecting people with cash.

Pirates are rather flamboyant, wearing snazzy coats and oversized hats. They're as loud as all get out and like to THINK they have some sort of honor, but really, it's just a lie they tell themselves to make themselves feel better than ninjas. Generally, Pirates don't like daylight because authority figures can recognize them easily and the light gives them a headache; it's because of all the seawater they drank when they were marooned on that island. Pirates get their spare cash by plundering, sacking and burning cities, towns and villages, all while not giving a hoot about it. Pirates also create strange words and have their own way of saying things. Ninjas... well, they just don't say much at all.

So, while there are aspects that are polar opposites about these two groups, there are similarities. Let's take a look at famous figures that aren't my beloved Cap'n Threelegs or that scallywag Techo Master.

Niten Hiroru is a traveling ninja with a really, really big sword. I mean, this sword is bigger than any Kiko should ever be able to wield! How is it possible, you and every other Neopian is wondering? Well, it's a well-known fact that Kikos can defy logic. He's famous for defeating evildoers and what have you.

Garin, a handsome young Usul, is the captain of his own Pirate ship, the Black Pawkeet. I doubt any Ninja could say they've done THAT by age 15! (Well, then again, why would a ninja want to be the Captain of a PIRATE ship?) Not only has he won the hearts of millions, he saved Maraqua!

Ryushu the Nimmo is a trainee under the Techo Master. He will challenge you to a fight in the Battledome the second you meet him, so steer clear. I'm convinced he's evil.

Captain Scarblade is Garin's rival, who stole the black Pawkeet from under his sea-legs. As far as evil goes, this guy's at the top of the Pirate list. He gives a bad name to honest sailors who need to plunder for a living!

By looking at the famous Pirates and Ninjas of Neopia, we see that there is good and evil to both sides. So, we're still at a stalemate.

Since we're running out of material, let's look at the merchandise that's available on Neopets, and see who has cooler stuff.

Pirates have a Paint Brush, plushies, awesome hats, toys for the little ones, furniture, paintings, flags, garden stuff and more.

Ninjas have... well, a resounding nothing. Then again, you just never know with their type. They vanish all the time; maybe their stuff's invisible. Or it's hidden in the shadows. In any case, they've got two paintbrushes - the Shadow Paint Brush and the Invisible Paintbrush - two of the cheaper ones on the market.

Basically, we're tied again! Augh! What does an honest Pirate have to do to smash these Ninjas into the ground? Send 'em spinning to the wat'ry depths? I give up. I really do.

(For now.)

What does this tell us?

That this war will never end and that we're doomed to pick sides for all eternity. What do we do? How will we survive? Will there be no end to the fighting?

The correct answer is no. The fighting will never end. And I'm sure, you want to know why.

Because both sides are just amazingly awesome! Pirates can blow stuff up and take what they like and have a bunch of fun, and Ninja's honor allows them to relax and not be pursued by the law and what have you. Both groups have dedicated followings and even though it's a war, it's all in good fun. Even a scallywag can make nice with a wall-crawling man (or woman!) of honor. Really, there isn't any superior side, except, you know, the pirates.

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