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Letters From Cloud Nine

by cupakaffee


Dear Razz,

I am a ghost Lupe. I am sometimes referred to as the Living-Impaired. This is quite awkward for me, as often motion detectors and the like fail to notice my existence. The other Neopets call me dead, which I am, but I am also a fully functioning (albeit transparent) Neopian. I have, on many occasions, considered turning to haunting. What should I do?

-Dead Serious

      The first letter sat dully on my desk, placed there precariously by my owner Kaffee. I sat down in my soft, cloud chair, and picked up my pen, a smile on my face as I saw my first letter that would start my advice column for the Neopian Times, Letters From Cloud Nine. It was called so because my room, including my chair and desk, had a cloud theme and my brother Blaze always says that I am a dreamer.

      I thought for a minute, wondering what to say to this poor ghost Lupe. I am not painted anything, only a normal, blue Wocky. One day, my owner Kaffee claims that she will paint me white, but until then, I'm perfectly happy the way I am.

     I thought of a response, and smiled as I began to write it.

Dear Serious,

First off, I would like to say that you are lucky to be painted ghost, because it is not a cheap paint brush. Those other Neopets must be jealous of you; because you are painted one of the best colors, in my opinion don't turn to haunting, because that is NOT a good idea and could result in you getting in trouble, and scaring young Neopets. Perhaps you should start wearing clothes from the Beauty Shop, such as long sleeves and long pants. Those might show up on a motion detector. If your problems continue and you are just sick of it, then you should ask your owner politely if you could be painted another color - perhaps Halloween. It would still be the 'spooky' theme, but more... earth-bound.



      I leaned back and grinned. Another day was already starting out good. I glanced into the mirror quickly then descended down the stairs to the kitchen, where I could smell bacon sizzling on the stove. My youngest sister, Tiger, was sitting at the table and reading the latest Neopian Times, reading an article that probably was about how to look good, or other beauty tips. She was quite a precocious little Ogrin, and I crept up slowly behind her and shouted, "BOO!"

      "Ahhhhh!" she screeched and fell out of her chair, then stood up, looking around wildly. "Wh-Wh-... Razz... Did you do that?" she asked me, her eyes as wide as her passion for looking pretty.

      I put on my best innocent face and shook my head. "No, I think it was those darn petpetpets again. They seem to be haunting you," I told her, then walked off trying not to laugh as she stood there looking terrified.

      "Razz. Don't scare your sister," a voice said chidingly, and I looked to see Blaze standing there, pouting slightly. Even though the red Gelert was my younger brother, he always acted like he was in charge. I rolled my eyes. "Who are you, Kaffee?" I asked, referring to our AWOL owner. His eyes narrowed and he turned around, continuing to cook the bacon. I noticed, to my delight, that he was wearing an apron.

      "Oooh, picture time!" I said, turning my tiny camera on and snapping photos of him. If there was anything I loved more than writing, it was taking pictures. And these would look great in my scrapbook. I grinned again, and walked out of the kitchen. I wasn't hungry for food, just for messing with my siblings.


Dear Razz,

I've got a problem. I cannot save money for the life of me! When I finally get a few thousand or so, I just have to go blow it off on some stupid toy or scratchcard. For instance, the other day I started out with 3,500 Neopoints, and I spent ALL of it in the Deserted Fairground. Yes, I was terrified out of my mind as well, but the games were so fun - And so expensive. I'm worried that I'll starve or something if I don't get out of this habit. Help!

-No More NP

      Another letter already! I thought happily as I checked the mail on my way home from another typical day of playing games, shopping, and exploring. I had a new scarf wrapped around my neck even though it was hot outside. As I read through this poor Neopian's words, a frown crossed my face. How could I help someone with money troubles? I wasn't poor, certainly, but I wasn't rich.

      I decided to confer with my brother first. "BLAZE!" I shouted through my open door. "COME HERE!"

      A few minutes later, an annoyed-looking red Gelert trudged in my door and glanced at me. "Jeez, could you be a little quieter?" It was obvious to me he had just woken up from his name.

      I hid a smile and handed him the letter. "My brain is kind of dead right now; can you help me with this one?"

      I watched as Blaze's eyes scanned the letter twice, then he handed it back to me and sat down on my bed (cloud, of course), and was silent for a moment. I made a point of looking obviously at the clock, and he got my point. "Ok, ok. I'll help. This poor pet needs a bank account and fast. And as for the games thing, suggest that he or she go to the game room and play the ones that are fun and earn money as well." He stood up and yawned again. "I'm going back to sleep. If you need me again... Well, don't." He walked out of the door before I could say thanks.

      His advice was good. I probably would need more of it later, because these letters were actually kind of hard to answer.

Dear No More,

The answer to your problem is quite simple: Get a bank account and fast! Every day, you get interest, so go collect it once you start your account. And to satisfy your craving for fun games, go to the game room, where you can earn Neopoints as well as have a great time. Some of the best games to be found are Meerca Chase II, Hungry Skeith, and the Ice Cream Factory. They are easy and have good payouts.

And for your food dilemma, visit the Tyrannian Plateau every day to get free pieces of omelette and jelly (Even though that doesn't exist, according to the Neopets Team.) They can last you for a few days, and if you visit those places daily, soon you'll have enough food to feed an army! Or, at least yourself.




      I slowly sunk my teeth into a yummy cheeseburger that I had made for myself when the doorbell rang. I stood up a little mad that someone would be visiting during lunch when I should be eating. But nevertheless, I answered the door. It was the mail man - weird. Normally they only rang the door when there were packages, but he was holding nothing. "Are you Razzberry__Ice?" he said, using my full name.

      I nodded my head, wondering why he was here. The green Kacheek handed me his WHOLE bag of Neomail. "Here." Then he left in a hurry.

      I stared at the bag, as my owner Kaffee came down the stairs. "Was someone - Whoa! Razz, you must be getting popular!" she exclaimed, standing beside me. I opened a letter. Dear Razz, it began, and my head swum. How could I possibly read and answer all of these questions? There were just too many to handle!

      Kaffee looked at me. Even though she was somewhat absentminded - one could never forget the day she got lost in the Haunted Woods and hitched a ride home from some shady-looking Meercas - she was still a great owner. "Do you need some help?"

      I nodded fervently and we got started to work, going through the mail bag one letter at a time.


      Four hours later, my hand was cramping and the bag was still as full as ever. I sighed. "I wish that someone else would take the advice column, so that I could write a letter to someone else. I need help!"

      Kaffee looked surprised, and then a mischievous look took its place. "Here, say something to 'Dear Kaffee.'" She seemed so proud of her idea, I had to laugh. Then I thought, and spoke:

      "Dear Kaffee, My life is crazy. I thought I could do advice letters to people, but it ends up more people need help with their problems than would be expected! I'm now too busy to do anything BUT answer letters. I still want to help people, and be in the Neopian Times, but what should I do? Sincerely, Lost in Letters."

      "Dear Lost, Ah, this is a tough one, but I am Kaffee and I can answer anything! Why not start something else? If you want to help people, why not write an advice article? No personal letters, just tips and tricks to survive Neopia? Hope this helps. Kaffee."

      I looked up at her, awe on my face. Kaffee actually knew something! "Wow, so stop with my column?" I said, a little confused by her meaning.

      Kaffee nodded, and added to that. "Maybe you could do Advice from Cloud Nine instead and just put advice. We all know that you are good at it. Remember when Tiger was confused about what color she wanted to be and you helped her?" I did remember that. "And when Blaze broke his leg and got really bored, because he had to sit all the time?" Yes, and I helped cure that by making funny comics with my friends to keep him entertained. But that wasn't advice, really. "And when you taught me how to cook-"

      I stopped her. "Kaffee, that wasn't me." We stared at each other, and then started to laugh. I gave her a hug and said, "Thanks. I know exactly what I'm going to do now!" I headed up the stairs without another word.


Advice From Cloud Nine

By Razzberry__Ice

      Have you ever awakened one morning, only to find yourself not wanting to get up due to teasing of other Neopets because of what color you are painted? Ever been worried that you wouldn't have enough food to last through a week? Have you ever wanted someone to give you good advice?

     Then look no further! I, Razz, have made a list of five things to always remember!

  • If Neopets are teasing you because you are painted a rare color, then don't worry! They are just jealous of you - Who wouldn't be? Ignore their mean remarks and be proud of how you look.
  • Don't blow all of your money at the Deserted Fairground. Those games are rigged anyways, and why not just go to the game room? Fun games AND you get to earn Neopoints while you are at it.
  • Every day, go to the omelette and giant jelly (which doesn't exist, of course) to get free food. It's delicious and lasts!
  • Respect your elders. They know things you don't, even if it seems they are airheads sometimes. Listen to them, and you might learn something, too!
  • And, finally, never try to do something that you don't have enough time for. If you find you need help, ask for it! An owner or a sibling will always be there to help you out - But remember, do something nice for them in return!


      A few days after my article was published, I did the fifth thing on my list.

      Kaffee and Blaze were on their way home, and I wasn't quite yet ready. I placed the cake on the table and flicked the lights off. I nodded to Tiger, who was happy to help me out thanks to the make up I had bought her earlier. Soon enough, I could hear Kaffee and Blaze coming up, sounding like they were in the middle of a discussion. I could hear Blaze's calm voice and Kaffee's as she shouted strange things.

      They opened the door, and Tiger hit the lights back on. "Surprise!" We shouted, and I watched as my two secret helpers took everything in: The two presents on the table, the homemade cake, the banner saying 'Thanks For Everything!' and me standing there.

      Kaffee's eyes filled with tears and she started blubbering about how she was so happy to help and that she loved us all so much. We stared at her for a minute, and then I just patted her back slowly. Blaze smiled at me. "Hey, no problem. What is family for?"

      I returned the grin, and then pulled in all into a family hug.

      Life was good sometimes.

The End

Author's Note: If this makes it into the Neopian Times, then yay! My dream come true. I've always wanted something published in here. Thanks to my friends, and thanks to the people who wrote letters, even though I could only have enough room for two - Thank you! Thank you! Keep your eyes open for another story from me soon, probably through Blaze's eyes. ---Kaffee

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