Voice of the Neopian Pound Circulation: 123,711,044 Issue: 249 | 21st day of Swimming, Y8
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An Exclusive Interview with THE STUFF!

by kandigurl


Thank you all for joining me with my exclusive interview with “The Stuff.” Many have forgotten this menacing creature, but it still lurks in the wonders of Neopia. You can find it anywhere, but you probably don’t want to. It’s been said that there is no way to run away. You must grab a spoon and start eating. So if you happen to see it when I’m through with my interview, you better be hungry! Now stay tuned for the revealing of its deepest secrets. Wish me luck before I meet this terrifying fiend.

Me- I tremendously appreciate the fact that you are giving us an interview. I’m quite surprised to see that you agreed to meeting me today. Why is this?

The Stuff- Blup.

Translator- The Stuff said that she has been considering retiring, so she figured that she would grant one last, and only, interview of her existence.

Me- Well thank you for letting me be the one to witness this moment. One thing I noticed was your translator described you as a she. Erm... if you don’t mind me asking, how and why are you classified of this gender?

The Stuff- Blup.

Translator- The stuff said that she does mind you asking.

Me- Oh, ok. I apologize if I offended you. Anyway, the Neopedia described you as “possibly the grossest substance you will ever consume.” How does that make you feel?

The Stuff- Blup.

Translator- She said she simply doesn’t like the thought of people “consuming” her, let alone being the grossest.

Me- Well, I guess that’s understandable. I noticed that you are categorized under “food,” so are you located in shops at times?

The Stuff- Blup.

Translator- She said that she normally attempts to eat the customers so not many people try to buy her, which she considers a positive thing, by the way.

Me- Oh, I see. So have you ever done something so remarkable that you’ve gotten an enormous amount of publicity in the past?

The Stuff- Blup.

Translator- She said that she is disappointed that her horrendous actions couldn’t start up even a smudge of disaster in Neopia. She added in that she has tried and failed too many times to count.

Me- I see where you're coming from. Now why do you want to retire and give up your dream of creating tragedy?

The Stuff- Blup.

Translator- The Stuff said that she’s getting old. She feels that she is no longer eligible to succeed. Her weak spot is too well known, in her mind. The Neopedia has revealed her secret of being able to be eaten, as a defense. She also said that if she had a chance, she’d eat the files of the Neopedia, down to the last pixel. Her rage is unattainable at this point.

Me- Wow, I didn’t understand how much fury you carry. I’m sure our readers would like to know if you are going to strive for one last impression on the world of Neopia. Have you even considered this?

The Stuff- Blup.

Translator- The Stuff said that she wishes for one last notion of her evil ways, but she feels it is unfeasible. She does mention, though, that she MAY be planning revenge on the Neopedia writers, but she must save energy to go through with it.

Me- Ummm... well at least I am not on that staff. Anyway, what is your greatest accomplishment over the years?

The Stuff- Blup.

Translator- She said that she have to say her greatest achievement was growing to the size she is today. She said that it takes hard work and a lot of effort to eat all of those neopets, buildings, trees, grass, and shrubs. She comments that it is not easy by any stretch!

Me- Well, congratulations on making it this far! How do you expect to stay alive and healthy if you aren’t on the Neopian plains eating everything in sight?

The Stuff- Blup.

Translator- The Stuff said that she hasn’t quite thought of that just yet. She said maybe she’ll try eating actual food sometime.

Me- Where do you live? I mean, does your house get bigger as you do?

The Stuff- Blup.

Translator- She said that she has never really “lived” anywhere. She has just traveled miles across Neopia. She said she gets tired every once in a while but eating gives her energy. She feels like she has had enough energy and she wants to slow down for a bit, which is why she wants to retire. Well, it is one of the reasons, anyway.

Me- Oh I realize what you mean now. I am sorry to hear that this is so hard for you. If you have so much energy to eat and keep moving, then why don’t you?

The Stuff- Blup.

Translator- She said that she does have a lot of energy but no self esteem. She wants to be one of the most feared and known villains in Neopia, but she just can not figure out how do get on the fast track to where she wants to be.

Me- Well, you should not give up! You are feared in my opinion, and I am sure that after this interview the Neopedia publishers will be pretty terrified of you, too! Have you ever thought of getting back out there and going for it? Have you ever thought of any plans to conquer Neopia?

The Stuff- Blup.

Translator- She said that she has thought and dreamed about getting back out in the evil world, but she isn’t accepted. She said that Sloth, Vira, and the Darkest Faerie have done so much to make their way in Neopia’s history. She wants her page in the books! She wants to be known by all of those that live on these lands. As of the subject of conquering, she has not quite thought of that just yet.

Me- Ok then, let’s get back to the questions. Now I’m going to ask the question everyone is thriving to know the answer to. How were you produced? Where did you come from, and why?

The Stuff- *Gulp*

Translator- ...

Me- HEY! Where’s the --

The Stuff- *Gulp*

Author's Note: I just want to thank my guild for helping me with my article, with a special thanks to Shannon. Thanks!

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