Now with 50% more useless text Circulation: 123,711,044 Issue: 249 | 21st day of Swimming, Y8
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by faerie91993


ALTADOR CUP - I sat with my impatient mutant Kougra, watching Darigan Citadel face off against the practice team. I sat up and blinked, as something suddenly occurred to me. Nudging Spyer, the Kougra mentioned above (if you could call it above), I whispered to him, “Do you notice that?”

“Notice that mostly everyone out there is getting their heads smashed by a petpet?” came the sarcastic remark from the unappreciative Kougra.

“NO!” I whispered loudly, shaking my head. “That all the pets in the practice team are Jelly! They are made of Jelly!” I was smiling ear to ear at my sudden discovery. “Maybe... maybe, do you think that they could be a... a... Jelly World team?”

That’s when Spyer laughed. “Everyone knows Jelly World does not exist. No matter what little fancy thoughts you have in that head of yours, Jelly World has never existed, nor ever will.”

While we had been jabbering, Darigan Citadel had finished practicing, and both teams had gone to change out of their gear. Running up the Colosseum steps and out the door, I prepared a series of questions in my mind. Interviews should prove that my theory wasn’t just a theory, but a fact!

I managed to catch up with the Jelly Kougra goal keeper as he was walking out of the locker room.

“Excuse me!” I yelled, touching the Kougra on the shoulder. My hand sunk in with a light scushing sound, as it would if you just touched jelly.

“Could you please not do that?” mewed the Kougra, turning around and brushing my hand of his shoulder with one paw. “It gets rather annoying having people poking you to see you jiggle.”

Spyer caught up with me then. Seeing the other Kougra, he licked his lips and rubbed his stomach. The Jelly Kougra stepped back a pace, mewing, “What’d you want, anyway?”

“I wanted to give you an interview, if that’s all right,” I said, elbowing Spyer in his stomach.

Rubbing his eyes, the Kougra looked me over. “Promise you won’t let him eat me?” he mewed, pointing a finger at Spyer.

When I nodded, he sat down on a bench that was conveniently nearby. I sat down beside him, and Spyer wandered off to do something.

Me: “So… you like playing Yooyuball?”

Kougra: “It’s alright. I mean, a neopet’s got to make a living somehow.”

Me: “What’s your name anyway?”

Kougra: “Fluffy SmuggleKins. The sixth. Fluff to all my team mates and fans. And family.”

Me: “So Fluff, let’s get right to the chase then. Are you, or are you not, on the team representing the mythical Jelly World?”

At this moment, Fluff gained a robotic like voice, as if it was controlled by someone else.

Fluff: “Everyone knows Jelly World does not exist. There is no such thing as Jelly World.”

Me: “Are you being controlled by the Neopets Team?”

Fluff: *snaps out of it* “Of course not. That’s silly. Now, do you have another question?”

Me: “Do you represent Jelly World? Playing Yooyuball.”

Fluff: *robotic voice* “Everyone knows Jelly World does not exist. There is no such thing as Jelly World.”

At that moment, I stood up and walked away, eyes wide with amazement. The Neopets Team must have hypnotized all the team members so that they would not respond naturally. While I was thinking this, I bumped into Spyer.

“Can I eat him now?” mewed my anxious Mutant Kougra.

I nodded my head absentmindedly, and he was off. Did you hear they had to get a new goal keeper for the practice team? I wonder how that happened. The next day at practice, I managed to catch up to the Jelly Kau. Stepping in front of him, he didn’t see me until it was too late, and walked into me.

“That was cool!” I said, licking jelly from my lips. The Kau obviously didn’t think the same, and he looked down at the huge hole in his body with disgust.

“Not again,” he mooed, obviously annoyed. Looking up at me, he added, “You don’t happen to have any spare jelly on you, do you?”

I opened my backpack that had all my must-haves in it and pulled out a big heaping handful of glowing Jelly.

“I’m afraid it won’t match,” I said, helping the Kau mold the jelly into the hole I had formed. My cheeks here flushed bright red in embarrassment, and I almost forgot what I had even wanted to ask the poor Kau. Sitting down on the same bench the Kougra had, the Kau looked at me with his jelly eyes.

“What’d you want, anyway?” he mooed, still patting the glowing jelly into place.

“Uh... I wanted to give you an interview. If that’s alright,” I said, quickly gaining my confidence again.

The Kau gave me a strange look. “What? No one’s ever wanted to interview me. Never. Are you sure you aren’t looking for Tandrak Shaye or Tormo Frein or someone like that. I mean, I’m just on the practice team you know.”

“But even though you’re only helping the major team practice, you still manage to get through Mungo Lifler so you can score.”

The Kau sat up a bit straighter and offered his hoof to me. “Names MooMoo Kau. Moo to most people.” He winked. “Now you said something about an interview?”

Glad flattery had worked; I went through the same questions I asked Fluff.

Me: “So, you like playing Yooyuball?”

Moo: “Yeah. But I could never go professional or anything like that.”

Me: “But you have gone professional.”

Moo: “No I haven’t. Like I said, even though I can manage some good shots, I’m still only on the practice team.”

Me: “No you aren’t! Aren’t you representing the Mythical Jelly Word?”

Moo: *robotic voice* “Everyone knows Jelly World does not exist. There is no such thing as Jelly World.”

Me: “Are you being controlled by the Neopets Team?? Come on, I want the truth!”

Moo: *snaps out of it* “What are you talking about? And what does this have to do with Yooyuball?”

Me: “Do you or do you not represent Jelly World? Aren’t you and your team mates representatives sent by Jelly World?”

Moo: *robotic voice* “Of course not. I don’t even know what this ‘Jelly World’ you speak of is.”

At that moment I screamed and ran off. That pet must have been hypnotized to. I couldn’t prove anything, my theory was just that, a theory, and no one would ever believe me. Stopping about halfway home, I wondered where Spyer had gotten to. Then, wide eyed, I remembered that Glowing Jelly was his favorite kind. Poor Kau. Poor, Poor Kau.

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