There are ants in my Lucky Green Boots Circulation: 123,711,044 Issue: 249 | 21st day of Swimming, Y8
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Problems With the Defenders

by mystery_island111223


The whole thing started early one morning. I woke up and stared out the window. Neopia Central looked busy, as usual. There was a long line in the soup kitchen, shouts of joy from the Rainbow Pool, and fights over rare items at shops everywhere. I got out of bed. There was no use trying to sleep now anyway.

      I headed downstairs to find my four Neopets already having breakfast. My blue Koi Jay and my newly morphed white Grarrl ApocClone were arguing.

      "You never ate that stuff when you were a Bori. What happened to you?" Jay asked. ApocClone was munching on a mossy rock.

      "It's good. There's no other use for it, MI can't sell them, and he pays me 50 NP for every piece of junk of his I eat!" He grabbed a pair of Koi Battle Gloves and began munching away.

      "That's mine!" cried Jay.

      "Yes," said ApocClone. "Apoc pays me 5000 NP for every valuable of yours that I eat!"

      "But it's disgusting!" said Apoc, my Christmas Bori, who really wanted to change the subject. "Take those shoes you're eating now. They've been sitting in an old cavern for ages! Wouldn't that make you sick? I mean, who knows where they've been!?"

      "I consider it a duty to rid Neopia of junk it doesn't use. Thanks to us Grarrls, you don't have to keep transporting that junk from inventory to inventory. It actually has a purpose!"

      "Yeah it sounds great," said Min, my yellow Tonu. "But wouldn't you draw the line at dung?"

      "Hey!" I cried. "So, what do you guys want to do today?"

      "See the Island Mystic!" Jay said.

      "Wheel of Misfortune!" Apoc cried.

      "Tyrannia!" That was Min.

      "Krawk Island!" ApocClone wagged his tail eagerly.

      "That last one sounds good," I said. "I think we have some Dubloons... nope. Anyone seen the Dubloons?"

      ApocClone gazed at the floor. "I was hungry!" he mumbled.

      "Shoot, and I just spent our last Neopoints redecorating the den. And the bank doesn't open until nine. Who's up for a game?"

      "Turmac Roll!" said Jay.

      "Fetch!" cried Apoc.

      "Attack of the Slorgs!" said Min.

      "Cheat!" grinned ApocClone.

      "What about one we all like?" I suggested. "Whack A Kass?"

      "Yeah!" said Apoc. "That's a fun way to get out all my pent up anger!"

      "And we can get lunch along the way!" I said. "Let's go!"

      And so we began a treacherous hike to Meridell, which took an extra long time because we were trying our best to avoid walking in an area that was near the rubbish dump. After concluding that it was nearly impossible, we plugged our noses and headed over to a plushie of Lord Kass and a large stick.

      "Don't swing yet!" Jay advised me.

      "No, swing now!" said Min.

      "WHACK IT! WHACK IT, I SAY!!!" screamed Apoc.

      I swung and it flew a few feet before dropping. "Oh well," I said. "We still got some money off it. C'mon, let's get to the medieval food shop!"

      We headed over and ordered five hot crossed buns. I handed the Meerca some Neopoints and we sat down at a wooden table.

      ApocClone gulped down his bun. "MI, I'm still hungry!" he said.

      "Let's see..." I checked the menu. There was nothing left in our price range."Here!" I handed him a jelly slushie. "Eat this but be quiet about it. The Meerca really doesn't like outside food!"

      I went back to my meal. A few minutes later I heard a noise. ApocClone had tried to eat the jelly but it had slipped out of his hands and landed in the Meerca's vat. He had been stirring something that smelt bad. I was about to say something but the Meerca interrupted me.

      "My meal!" he cried. "You got jelly in it! How can I sell it now!?"

      "Relax!" I said. "We'll pay for it, food here only costs a couple hundred Neopoints, right?"

      "Not that kind. That was potato slop! An item so rare I haven't even produced it yet! That was the only bit of it in all the world! Your Grarrl just ate an item worth 250,000 NP!"

      "I don't get it!" said Min. "If it's one of a kind, why isn't it worth more?"

      "Sheesh, it's just potatoes!" said the Meerca. "But you still have to pay!"

      "Well, forget it!" I cried. "I won't pay that amount!"

      "Well then," he smiled. "I guess I'm just going to have to contact the Defenders Of Neopia about some customers who won't pay their bill!"

      Five minutes later Judge Hog burst in wielding an Asparagus Powered Ray Gun.

      "Freeze!" he cried. Jay stepped back and they blasted him. He fell to the floor slightly dazed.

      "Hey!" I cried. "He didn't do anything!" The Moehog fired again, and I was knocked out.

      I woke up a few hours later in my Neohome.

      "What a weird dream!" I said. "I was in Meridell and one of my pets ruined some highly priced potatoes and then an ugly guy in spandex came and-" I stopped. Judge Hog was staring at me.

      "Good, you're awake!" he said, handing me a healing potion. "We made a mistake, you weren't responsible for that crime!"

      "Great! You hear that, guys?" I turned to my pets. One of them was missing.

      "No," he continued. "Your Grarrl was!"

      "So where is he?" I asked.

      "The Very Important Dungeon Of Thinking About What You've Done!" the defender responded. "Also known as TVIDOTAWYD!"

      "Catchy!" said Apoc sarcastically.

      I was stunned. The officer was going on about a hearing ApocClone was going to, but I was too busy thinking about what I had just heard. My poor Grarrl was in The Very Important Dungeon Of Thinking About What You've Done all because of me. I couldn't believe it. The officer finished and left.

      "Well I always liked Gelerts, let's get one of those!" Apoc grinned at his joke. Nobody else found it very funny.

      "So what was that about a hearing?" I asked.

      "ApocClone is having a hearing on Monday!" said Min. "That's three days from now!"

      "Great!" I said. "Now let's go visit him!"

      ApocClone was ecstatic when he heard the news, although The Very Important Dungeon Of Thinking About What You've Done wasn't really that bad. He was one of the few painted Neopets, nobody picked on him because he was a Grarrl and the shoes were delicious. So we bid him farewell and headed back home.

      Three days later we headed to the hearing. I walked through two large silver doors and was greeted by a blue Aisha.

      "Hello," she said, smiling at Apoc. "Aren't you a cutie!"

      Apoc displayed to her just what a cutie he was by biting her arm. She stepped back, tripping over a chair and falling over her desk.

      "Hi!" I said, attempting a smile. "We're here for the hearing of ApocClone the Grarrl!"

      She pointed through two even larger golden doors.

      "These guys sure decorate on a budget!" remarked Jay.

      We stepped through the doors into an enormous courtroom. At the far end was ApocClone. I waved to him and we took seats in the front row. An old Yurble came to the judge's seat.

      "We are here today to reach a verdict regarding this young pet. The charges are vandalism and disturbing the customers!" the Yurble began.

      "That's not true!" I cried. "We were the only customers there!"

      "Please be seated, mystery_island11-"


      "Yes, yes. You will be called to the stand when necessary. For now, sit!"

      Finally I was called to the stand.

      "Sir, isn't it true that your pet ruined 250,000 NP worth of expensive potatoes?" the judge asked me.

      "Well, yes," I began. "But he's only a year old. And he didn't do it on purpose! It was a misunderstanding. Please don't send him back to The Very Important Dungeon Of Thinking About What You've Done!"

      The judge stared at me. He stared at ApocClone. He sighed.

      "Very well!" he announced. "This Neopet will return to The Very Important Dungeon Of Thinking About What You've Done with a bail of 500,000 NP!"

      "Great!" I said, and got out my checkbook.

      As I headed home happily reunited with ApocClone, I reflected on all that had happened throughout the week. ApocClone was muttering something about missing all the free shoes he had gotten in The Very Important Dungeon Of Thinking About What You've Done and my other pets were talking among themselves. Finally Jay turned to me.

      "MI, I'm confused!" he said. "It cost you 500,000 NP to get ApocClone out of The Very Important Dungeon Of Thinking About What You've Done. But if you had paid the bill in the first place, you would've saved a bundle and none of this would've ever happened!"

      "You'll understand when you're older!" I replied.

      "That makes no sense!" he cried.

      "Sure it does!" I responded. "Now who's up for some hot cross buns?"

The End

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