Visiting Virtupets: Tourist Tips
SPACE STATION - Since the disappearance of Dr. Sloth, the Virtupets Space Station
has become a popular tourist destination. People from all over Neopia flock to
Orbital #4 to catch up on the latest technology and to try re-hydrated food. With
fun-filled activities such as pulling the Lever of Doom, it’s a wonder that tourists
ever head back down to Neopia.
Now, the tourism that the Space Station gets does give Virtupets a financial
boast; however, there are one or two... problems... that we get from having
too many tourists snooping around the premises. Therefore, I’ve compiled a short
guide of tips for you touristy minded Neopians. I hope that this will ensure
that any camera wielding citizens don’t end up hanging upside-down in a small
dark room... er... not that they would...
So here are some things you should do at every Virtupets facility. I would
highly recommend following these tips. (After all, I wrote this when I was supposed
to be flying a transport shuttle and I ended up crashing it due to the fact
that I was watching my typewriter instead of the windshield.)
Don’t enter doors that say, “Do Not Enter”
Now, as a general rule, tourists should stay in the main area where all the
shops are. In fact, we Virtupets fighte- I mean employees have conveniently
placed ‘Do Not Enter’ signs around all of the doors we do not want you to enter.
Despite this seemingly simple concept, there’s always the odd visitor that stumbles
down a corridor and finds themselves face to face with a Virtupets Death Ray.
Err... not that there are any in existence, of course. But I must advise you tourists
not to go outside of the public areas.
If you should find yourself in an area of the station you shouldn’t be in,
(not that there are any) the best thing to do would be to avoid opening any
doors, and to approach the nearest security guard. We Virtupets employees are
always more than willing to escort a lost tourist to the nearest memory rendering
facility and- err... I mean, we’ll show you the way back without any trouble.
Looking the other way
Throughout my career as a Virtupets pilot, I have
discovered that there are countless occasions when it is better to pretend you
didn’t see anything. So when you are purchasing a new pair of hyper-gravatonic
boots and you see a Virtusquad team dragging a giant laser beam though the shop,
it’s best if you turn towards the nearest observer and strike up a conversation
about the weather. Ignoring things is always the best solution.
Of course, you’d never see anything you shouldn’t as there is nothing within
Virtupets that you shouldn’t see, but if you should see something that wasn’t
supposed to be seen, ignore it. And forget about it, so that we won’t have to
make you forget- I mean, so that your mind will be at ease...
There are a lot of rumors circulating about what is going on behind the scenes
at Virtupets Space Station Orbital #4. I heard someone saying that the great
Dr. Sloth himself was residing in a secret area of the Space Station and building
a robot army out of used forks. Not only that, the other day, a visitor approached
me and asked if it was true if anyone who ate at Grundo’s Café ended up waking
up the next morning as a worker in one of the Kreludan mines. Such ideas are
completely ridiculous. There is absolutely no evidence that Sloth is at the
Space Station, and even if there was some, it wouldn’t be true, because he’s
not. I don’t understand how these rumors get started, but they should never
The Space Station is perfectly safe for all tourists; there are no reasons
to think otherwise. And don’t be the one spreading the rumors either. As an
employee, I can tell you that it’s a great pain to trace these lies back to
whoever started them and then arrange for a meeting with them and our commanders.
And brainwashing people is never easy- I mean, ensuring that the rumors are
ignored is never easy; it would just be better for us all if you didn’t listen.
Incidentally, if you think you did see the Great Dr. Sloth in the Space Station,
(even though you wouldn’t) you should do the right thing and tell the nearest
guard. This is a precaution so that you can be guided to the nearest- err...
I mean, so that we can make sure that Sloth really isn’t there. He is, after
all, a villain.
Don’t do it. If you are purposely opening the ‘Do Not Enter’ doors and running
around asking suspicious questions for whatever reason, we at Virtupets will
be most displeased. There is no reason for snooping as we have nothing to keep
hidden. In fact, the rest of the Space Station contains a few empty warehouses
and several custodial closets. So why would you want to look around, anyway?
While we're on the subject, don’t go through the crates in the warehouses.
They contain dangerous- Erm... they only hold dehydrated beef and mineral water
so there’s no point in curiously opening them. People who come to the Space
Station to snoop around usually end up on a distant planet with- err...well, they
are escorted home. We at Virtupets want to assure you that we have nothing to
hide, but that doesn’t mean we want visitors running around the premises and
sticking their noses in everything.
In conclusion, we want tourists to come to the Space Station for fun and safe visits that involve spending lots of neopoints. So
if you follow these simple tips, there’s no reason that you should arouse any
suspicion from our security guards. (Not that you would.) By staying in the
public areas, overlooking any incidents, and ignoring rumors, your visit to
Virtupets should be enjoyable and full of real memories. So, what are you waiting
for? Take a trip to Orbital #4 today!
... But maybe first you could do me a favor and follow me to the memory modifying
ray for a visit... ^_^;