If you happen to take the time to look at the return address on this letter
you will find that the address is the same of that of your lair, the place this
letter is meant to go. That means the writer of this letter is someone you know,
someone who you're familiar with and someone who shares your lair space with
you. Would 'Down here!' give you a hint to who I am? Yes, Sophie, I am your
loving Meowclops that often follows you around on your premises. So you may
be asking why I bothered to write a letter to you in the first place. Well,
this letter is that of complaint, and I'm complaining about my meals! Honestly,
when you're throwing those vile ingredients into your cauldron, I have to follow
your bothersome wand with a craned neck (I always get a crick in this after
this procedure) in the hopes that your wand will fail to catch a falling ingredient
so that I can gobble it up. But even then, do you know what you're doing to
your darling Petpet? Those ingredients, my only meal of the day, are extremely
foul and I have found myself to do curious things after I have gobbled them
up. Unaware of that, dearest Sophie? Well, below I have compiled a list of the
sort of vile foods I must eat to keep from starving and the horrible things
I do when I have no choice but to eat them. Maybe once you have found out what
poor things are happening to me, you may consider giving me some decent food
like a Draik egg or two…or three.
Sometimes nothing happens when I manage to come across a food. Actually, these
types of food are actually quite edible and I find myself craving them more
than often. So, please, Sophie, try your best to drop more of these scrumptious
scraps! I enjoy Spooky Doughnuts, Magic Ghost Marshmallows and those strange,
green swirly fruits. Please excuse me for not knowing the name, but the fruit
is obviously from Mystery Island and since you have never taken me there *cough*
I have absolutely no knowledge of the place nor its fruits.
Then there are those types of foods that make me dance. Yes, dance. It's rather
embarrassing, really. My eyes get small green swirls in them, and I just stand
up on my back two legs and sort of dance from side to side with my tongue hanging
out insanely. Please acknowledge the embarrassment of this for me – each and
every time I eat a food that does that to me I can only hope that none of the
other Meowclops are watching me! The foods that make me dance insanely are Glaring
Eye Wraps and Brain Ice Cream.
Some foods I swear you've put a spell on! Or at least mixed with some sort
of Petpet Paint Brush for every time I eat one of these foods I get a sensational
tingling feeling, am covered up in an acrid purple cloud of smoke and poof!
I'm a different color Meowclops! So far, I have discovered I can transform into
two different colors, Maraquan and Snow. The foods that turn me Maraquan are
Blueberry Fish Pops and Octornapie Tentacles. The other color I can transform
into is Snow, and only a blue species of the Woo Woo Grub can do that to me.
Many of the foods make me feel just plain woozy. I get those same, green swirls
in my eyes as I get when I'm about to dance and fall over unconscious! Sometimes
I see little rings of stars circling above my head, of course that has to be
a hallucination. The foods that make me feel woozy are Almost Gummy Rats (Grape),
regular Woo Woo Grubs, Hot Worm Hot Dogs and Tongue Wraps. Quite a long list,
One particular 'food' functions like a stone in my mouth, in fact it practically
is a stone. A Codestone, that is. Codestones simply rattle around in my mouth,
crashing against my mouth walls and gums and sharp, pointy teeth. I almost always
fail to penetrate them, and I have to eventually spit them out (they shrink
considerably in my mouth) when I feel my teeth are completely shattered.
You normally like to add some spice to your brew by adding a dash of Scorchupepper
in. But, wow! Are those things feisty on the stomach if you eat one whole, which
I many a time have! I feel as if my mouth is on fire and the burning is so intense
I can do nothing but sit there in complete silence as my entire head turns a
bright red. Then I can't take it anymore (my record is three seconds) and I
let the flames fly out of my mouth and the smoke coil up and out of my poor
I perhaps have saved the most vile for last, and the one that probably has
the most devastating effect, therefore I dare not go into much detail. I vomit,
OK? And you always yell at me when I make a mess when it's you, Sophie, who's
feeding me all these putrid and nasty Piles of Dung!
I hope, dearest Sophie, that you now understand the devastating things your
poor little Meowclops has gone through and the hard things your Petpet has been
forced to devour. I hope you change your mind on what you are to feed me from
now on, and, in case you're wondering, I'm currently sitting politely in the
kitchen waiting for you to cook me up a nice Draik egg please and thank you.
I'll give you a small meow if you don't come in a few seconds, then I'll wail
like a Kadoatie when I think you've had your coffee break long enough.
Your faithful Meoclops
P.S. I'm sure you're wondering how I wrote this. I hope you don't wind, but
I borrowed some of your ingredients to make my own spell in my food bowl. I
managed to get a quill to write my every yowled word down on this parchment,
and I got a passing Droolik to mail the entire letter for me. Of course, he
didn't have to fly far, only out the window and to your mailbox outside your
Author's Note: This is the fourth article I've written and I hoped you enjoyed
it. Please feel free to check out my other works that got into the Neopian Times,
and also feel free to Neomail me about practically anything as I love getting
Neomails and I love responding to them.