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Why You Shouldn't Make a Neohome

by masterofphantom


So you’ve chosen to see this article. You’re thinking, “is this guy mad? Why the heck should I not make this beautiful home?” I’ll show you why not. It would be so much easier to explore Neopia, seeing the wonders of this beautiful world. Not convincing? Here’s a reason why you shouldn’t make one. There’s nowhere to put it! You’re given a number of choices:

Neopia Central

Mystery Island

Haunted Woods

Terror Mountain



Lost Desert


Roo Island



Darigan Citadel

Oh, and by the way, I’m MoP, and (hopefully) you’ll see me in the NT in the next few months.

Here are the reasons that you shouldn’t make a Neohome in any of these places.

1. Neopia Central: It’s so CROWDED! It may be cheap, but that’s why it’s like this. You can barely walk without being pushed or shoved or kicked or… well a lot of stuff. The marketplace is swarming with people who have foolishly made a Neohome here. Do YOU want to be one of them? The Money Tree is a great example. It’s impossible to get anything, save a junk item. The combat is so intense, that there have been reports of neopets getting hospitalized because of it. Poor, poor yellow Acara. If you do live here, do so at your own serious risk.

2. Mystery Island: It’s relaxing, one of the favorite dailies is on it, and everything is calm and still. It’s so serene, isn’t it? But think about the sheer DANGERS of this place! The lost city of Geraptiku hides many ancient artifacts not to be tampered with. Many people have ventured too far in there… and have never been heard from again. To exaggerate-I mean state further, the locals that live around here are quite territorial. As medievalwerewolf states in his comic, “the sun, the surf, the..natives?” To continue on until you think, “what’s wrong with this idiot?” Look at the stupid map!! See anything dangerous? A LIVE VOLACANO!

TRUST (EXCUSE ME, I STILL HAVE THE CAPS LOCK ON *beep* there we go.) me. You don’t want to live here either.

3. Haunted Woods: Why do I even bother? It’s the HAUNTED WOODS! I know I have an addiction to capital letters, but still! The place is filled with ghosts, poltergeists, monsters, zombies, and even *gasp* rigged games!! AAAAH! That’s another thing. The Deserted Fairground isn’t a fairground, it’s a pickpocket centre! The home is supposed to be where the heart is. People who live here have already had their hearts decomposed.

4. Terror Mountain: Ahh, snow! The clean fresh wet type too! It’s a favorite place to be in the Month of Celebrating. Making something and squirting it with water so it freezes so that you can bring it anywhere and pasting someone’s pate with a slushball, and watching them writhe in agony as it soaks down their jacket and into the underwear. Yup, good times, good times. But then you emerge from this little valley to find a cold, hostile, blizzard-prone place. You want to turn back, but the heavy snow fall won’t let you. You are tired, lonely, hungry, and near death. You can’t find any place to stay, your Neohome is hundreds of feet away. You can only survive- Oh, wait, the neopets team is watching. I’m gonna get disqualified! Darn!

Excuse me for that. I got a little carried away there (again). However, it is true that if you do fall into the water, you can get killed from heat loss.

5. Faerieland: What I think the problem here is is the sheer COST. Those dark faeries have corrupted the queen’s mind and are making her sell houses for so much! If you’re rich, then maybe you can stay here. But to make you change your mind, let me remind you that it’s on a C-L-O-U-D! How the heck are you even standing? Hello! You can’t stand on a cloud! There is a science behind that, but that’s for another time. I’ve been there, and it’s easy to fall off the edges. I once bungee jumped down, but the cord snapped, and I plummeted down into the ocean and swam non-stop to that little island near the Haunted Woods.

6. Tyrannia: This was a tricky one. It’s not that easy to find the flaws in every single world, but I did it! The fact that it’s a prehistoric land restricts you form a lot of the privileges of modern technology. The moon, the fun, the entertainment, and all those Battledome items, lost! Noooo!

I really hate it here as well because of the gigantic dinos! They can CRUSH you! If that’s not enough, look at the cave. You venture in, and a monster lunges out to eat you! *mutters something about TNT having to change the necessary words*

7. Lost Desert: It’s so HOT! The burning desert sun can beat down on you until you collapse. Every bit of shade is as crowded as Neopia Central. If you haven’t noticed, the outskirts of Sakhmet hold a swarm of deadly creatures: SWARM II! Those insects can and will hurt you, unless you buy some nice, environment- friendly bug spray. Come to think of it, why doesn’t the Wocky use bug spray instead of missles??

8. Meridell: Now this was one tough doozy for me to make a flaw. I’d be crushed if the Neopets Team didn’t put the stupid article in. The true danger here is for petpets. Turmaculus. You hit him with a stick, he wakes up, and eats your 100,100 NP avabot. He’s gone forever, and you spent your life savings on him. The Symol Hole. Your precious Avabot is finally out of that stupid Turmac after 333,000 NP surgery on him. You realize that it would’ve been a lot easier to replace it, and you spent 233,000 more than you could have. You jump up and down in frustration, and go to the Symol Hole to find some treasure and redeem some of the neopoints. All of a sudden after your pet’s pet goes in, you hear the squeaking of metal and sparks, and an avabot eye is launched out of the hole. Is this really the fate you want?

9. Roo Island: All the… blumaroos! Can’t concentrate... Having a hard time seeing my pets…. All I can see is the blumaroos…… *5 hrs. later* Well, that was fun. You see, the problem here is that you’re so used to seeing blumaroos, and you can’t see anything else, as you just saw – well, read that I just collapsed into a coma. I just don’t like it here. Let’s go. *shudders*

10. Brightvale: Oof, and if Meridell wasn’t enough, here’s Brightvale, an almost perfect place of freedom and happiness. The flaw: 50 miles east of Meridell, the nearest city. You have to walk a long way to just get out of town. I just hate it. Seriously.

11. Maraqua: SHEESH, do I have to explain EVERYTHING? Look at the map. Coral reefs, fish, what could be the flaw here? Three letters.


I’m a certified junior diver, but even I know better than to go that deep. The pressure would kill you! Maybe the Maraquan pets are OK, but not everyone can afford a Maraquan paintbrush. Not only that, but ironically, there aren’t any scuba tanks in Neopia. Imagine that! How did they even discover the water-based pets? If they couldn’t go down, how do you find that?

TNT these days. They never think about their actions anymore.

12. Darigan Citadel: Ok, that’s it, this is the last one. I’m not going to keep this up anymore after this!

Innocent bystander: But this is the last location on the list.

Me: Thanks. You’re a “pal.”

Bystander: Don’t mention it.

Me: Whatever. Let’s get on with this stupid thing.

Ahem. This is a floating citadel of DOOM. *emphasis on DOOM* It may remind you of Faerieland, but eviler. However, since the war was years ago, you can stay here. But since my article is “why you should NOT make a Neohome,” read location 5 on the list. Period.

Well, there you have it! a whole article about why you shouldn't make a neohome! Now, if you don't mind, my TV show is on. Toodle-oo!

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