Caution: Quills may be sharp Circulation: 150,952,996 Issue: 232 | 24th day of Running, Y8
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No News is Bad News

by shadow_zapdos


"Cancelled due to lack of interest!" Jake recited in horror.

      "What's so special about March Third, anyways?" asked Jake's brother, Max. He flicked his blue tail and continued eating his cereal.

      "Whaddya mean, what's so special!" Jake screeched, shoving the calendar into Max's face. "It's my birthday, you stupid Kougra! And they want to cancel it due to lack of interest? How mean can they be?"

      "I guess our owner shouldn't have dunked you in the Rainbow Pool. Some of that paintbrush must have seeped into your brain, Jaqueline," said Max coolly. Jake growled and with one swipe of her paw, knocked Jake over along with his chair.

      "Don't you DARE call me Jaqueline!" Jake hissed. Max new that Jake hated her real name, and he loved to torment her about it. She stroked her light brown coat proudly. "And besides, you're just jealous because I'm an Island Eyrie and you're just a plain old blue Kougra." Jake walked over to the wall of the kitchen and gave it a lick.

      "Hey, Tammy said not to eat the walls! The chocolate is going to get moldy!" whined Jake, picking up his chair. "And you and I both know that I'm going to be painted Electric on my birthday tomorrow."

      "Well, that's not the point. I can't believe that they'd cancel my birthday! Lack of interest-huh! I'm plenty interested!"

      "So what are you going to do about it? You can't change whatever they put on the news," said Max, taking a huge bite of cereal. "What are you going to do, get an angry mob or something?" He seemed amused at the idea. Just then, something seemed to click in Jake's brain.

      "Actually, Max, that's not a bad idea!" she exclaimed, whacking her brother on the back, which made him start choking. "That's exactly what I'll do! I'll get an angry mob and go to Faerieland, where we'll march around Fyora's castle until she decides to un-cancel March Third!"

      "I dunno...I heard somewhere that the news is written by somebody named TNT. I also heard that TNT is crazy," said Jake. But by the time he had finished his sentence, Jake was out the door, carrying a large piece of paper, some pieces of wood, and a can of paint.


      Jake grunted as she nailed some boards together, trying to somehow construct a makeshift table for her angry mob stand. Her neighbors often had a lemonade stand when it was warm, so why couldn't Jake have an angry mob stand? Jake wiped the sweat off of her forehead and looked up at the afternoon Mystery Island sun. It was a very hot day, and there was no one in sight up or down the street. But still, she had a secret weapon that would attract anyone and everyone within a two-mile radius of Jake's house-freshly baked lemon squares. After all, who didn't like lemon squares? Jake stood back and admired her table. It looked more like a wooden box than a table, but it would have to do. Jake opened the can of blue paint and lay down in front of the large piece of paper as she painted words onto it.

      ANGRY MOB!!!



      Jake propped the sign up against the table, placed the tray of lemon squares on the table, and waited.

      ...and waited...

      ...and waited.

      No one seemed to notice her angry mob stand. Of course, it was also so hot that no one came out of their houses except for one mutant Lenny circling overhead. Jake sighed and rested her head on the table. The afternoon sun beating down on her, the distant sound of the made Jake very tired. The next thing she knew, she was asleep.


      Jake woke up to the sound of someone chuckling. She bolted upright in her chair and looked around. She knew something was missing somehow, but she didn't know what it was until she looked to her right. All of the lemon squares were gone! Jake gasped and looked straight ahead, where she saw two pets laughing and running down the street. "Hey you!" Jake yelled, leaping out of her seat and dashing after them. "Come back with those lemon squares!" With one mighty leap, she tackled one of them and pinned him to the ground. She was looking into the face of a worried green Cybunny, whose lips were covered in yellow crumbs-lemon squares, Jake thought.

      "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, ma'am! It wasn't my fault! Brekka made me do it!" whined the Cybunny, pointing to his companion who smiled and waved guiltily. Jake sighed and loosened her grip on the Cybunny's shoulders.

           "Um, yeah, I can pay for those," said Brekka. The Darigan Draik wiped yellow crumbs off of her own lips and grinned, showing rows of sharp teeth.

      "Oh, never mind," muttered Jake. She turned around and trudged down the street, very unhappy that her plan had failed.

      "Hey, wait!" she heard the Cybunny call. Jake halfheartedly turned her head to look at him. The Cybunny looked at her with his huge eyes and Jake knew that he was genuinely sorry. "Look, since we ate your lemon squares, me and Brekka will join your angry mob. Oh, and I'm Joey, by the way." He glanced at Brekka, who rolled her eyes. She clearly didn't feel sorry at all. "And Brekka will bring her three brothers, so in total you'll have six angry mob members, including yourself," Joey said.

      "WHAT?" Brekka roared. "No way am I bringing those walking disasters!"

      "Oh, come on, Brekka, please?" Joey begged, looking at Brekka with huge, pleading eyes.

      "All right. But you've been warned," grunted Brekka.

      "Thanks so much, you guys!" Jake cried, grinning in happiness. "So how about we meet back here in an hour?"

      "Sure," said Joey. "We'll be there."


      By the time Joey, Brekka, and Brekka's three brothers arrived, Jake had managed to convince Max to join the angry mob, and she had also found two more members. There was Brian the Electric Eyrie, and Maria the Faerie Lupe. Jake noticed Max staring in envy at Brian's electric-blue coat, but Brian didn't seem to notice.

      "Well, these are my brothers. Zack, Mack, and Jack," mumbled Brekka, motioning towards a group of three Draiks. One was blue, one was green, and one was a mutant. The mutant Draik, Jack, sent chills down Jake's spine. She didn't like his yellow-red eyes or his angry look. Jake had always been a little bit afraid of mutants, but Jack, for some reason, gave her the creeps. But still, she now had an angry mob!

      "So what are we doing this mob thing for again?" asked Brian, leaning against Jake's homemade table, which collapsed under his weight. "Um, sorry, my bad," he added.

      "We're protesting against the lack of news on March the third," Max informed him.

      "But why?" asked Brian. "It's just one day out of the whole year."

      "For your information, it's my birthday, and probably some other pets' and owners', too," snapped Jake. "Anyways, here are your torches." Jake handed out some wooden sticks, each with a small fire on top. "So the plan is to fly to Faerieland and march around Fyora's palace until she officially declares March Third is a news day."

      "But isn't the news written by those TNT people?" asked Mack timidly.

      "It doesn't matter! I want news, and I'm going to get it!" barked Jake. "Now, all of us can fly except for Max, Joey and Brekka. Max can ride on my back, Joey can ride on Brian's back, and Brekka can ride on Maria's."

      "Why are you suddenly bossing all of us around?" said Max angrily.

      "Because this is my idea. Now let's go!" Jake said. Max climbed onto her back reluctantly, and Jake took off into the air, followed by everyone else in the mob, and flew towards Faerieland.


      "Come on, people! It's time to march around the castle!" Jake yelled. However, no one seemed to want to move. "What are you waiting for?"

      "Make us!" Max snapped, crossing his arms.

      "Well, come on, everybody! Hurry up or it'll be dark! Come on, we have to go!" Jake yelled.

      "Max is right," Brian finally said. "You've been just plain bossy. We're not going."

      "What?" Jake yelled. "But we flew all this way to do the angry mob thing, and-" But it was too late. Everyone else was already flying away. "Guys?" Jake said in a wavery voice. Suddenly, she realized what a total jerk she had been. She had wanted to be in charge more than she had wanted March Third not to be cancelled. After having been pushed around by Max so much, she had become annoying and bossy herself. And now, Max would hate her for the rest of her life. She sat down on the ground and put her head in her paws. And now she had no more angry mob! Suddenly, there was a noise behind her.

      "Stop that!" someone whined. "You're hurting me!"

      "So gimme your Neopoints!" someone else growled.

      Jake turned around and saw a blue Uni trying to back away from a mean-looking Shadow Lupe.

      "I saw you reading that math book! You're such a nerd!" said the Lupe. He grabbed the Uni's mane and pulled her back towards him.

      "Leave her alone!" Jake suddenly blurted out.

      The Lupe let go of the Uni and pushed her to the ground, then stepped towards Jake. "WHAT did you just say?"

      Jake was instantly sorry that she had said that, but she again blurted, "I said to leave her alone."

      The Lupe stared at Jake for a few seconds furiously. He growled and lifted Jake up by her mane, snatched her change purse, and walked away, pushing the Uni again as he did. "Don't you ever mess with me again...or else!" he hissed as he walked away.

      Jake shivered in fear as she began to fly back home, but then she felt someone nudge her from behind. It was the Uni who had been pushed by the Lupe. "Thanks," she said softly. She took something out from her backpack and handed it to Jake. "I was going to use it, but I think you deserve it better." Before Jake could say anything, the Uni was gone. Jake looked at what the Uni had given her. It was some sort of package, wrapped in brown paper. Jake carefully unwrapped it-and gasped in surprise.

      An Electric Paint Brush lay on the brown paper.

      Instantly, Jake knew what she had to do to help earn back Max's trust. With a smile, she wrapped it back up. Happy Birthday, Max, she thought as she flew away into the setting sun.

The End

Author's Note: This is dedicated to all the pets and owners whose birthdays are on March 3rd. As soon as I thought of the possibility of someone having a birthday on the 'cancelled due to lack of interest' day, I wrote this story. So, Happy Birthday!

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