Meow Circulation: 115,191,906 Issue: 230 | 9th day of Running, Y8
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by hotchick859


TYRANNIA - So, I’m sure you’ve tried the well known game Pterattack, right? I’m sure you probably want to know how to improve your score. I know I did. So I went right to the Pteri behind the game. It was an… interesting interview; I’ll give you that. He did give me a few tips, so I guess I’ll share them with you.

It all started yesterday when I decided to go to the Games Room. I needed to get some neopoints to fund my gallery, so I decided to give the Games Room a shot. Pterattack was newly updated, so I decided to give it a try.

About ten minutes later, I walked out of the Games Room. How did I do in Pterattack, you ask? To put it simply: I stunk. I got a score of 10. Yeah, I needed some work. It hit me that the Pteri in the game probably has some awesome tips for mediocre players like me! So I headed over to Tyrannia.

Many miles and Tigersquash Sandwiches later, I reached my destination; the Tyrannian village where the anonymous Pteri lived. I shuffled past dozens of huts before I saw the one that resembled the one of the Pteri’s. I knocked on the door, and was greeted by a bored looking green Pteri.

“What do you want?” he inquired in a weary tone. I surveyed his appearance to make sure he was the pet I was looking for. After confirming this, I replied.

“Are you the Pteri from Pterattack?” I asked excitedly. He rolled his eyes at the wide grin plastered across my face.

“Yeah, that would be me,” he sighed in a blasé voice. I hopped up and down as I asked him to give me a few game pointers. After much debating and persuasion, he agreed to chat with me. I entered his tiny hut, which was filled with straw and stone furniture purchased at the local shop. I sat across from him and pulled out my notepad. The Pteri let out an audible sigh as I began the interview, which went like this:

Me: So, what’s your name?

Pteri: What?!?! They don’t even mention my NAME in the game description? This is an outrage!

Me: So, about that name…

Pteri: My name? Oh, yes, that would be Pteri_Flier44. You can call me Flier.

Me: Okay, next question. How do you get rid of those annoying pterodactyls?

Flier: Geez, no wonder you wanted some tips! All you have to do is shoot them.

Me: And how do you shoot?

Flier: With the space bar! My gosh, you really are a new player!

Me: Okay! Next question. I tried shooting one of the pterodactyls, but it still came at me! Why?

Flier: What color was it?

Me: Green.

Flier: There are 6 colors of pterodactyls: brown, green, blue, orange, red, and silver. Brown ones have 1 hitpoint, and green ones have 2. These two colors of pterodactyls appear throughout the entire game. Blue pterodactyls have 4 hp, and start coming in level 4. Silver ones have 12 hp, and swerve towards you instead of flying straight. They begin to come in level 5. Orange pterodactyls have 12 as well, but come in at level 6. Red pterodactyls are the toughest, and come in at level 7 with 20 hp each.

Me: Erm… I think I get it. Wait; there is more than one level of weapons?

Flier: Yes. Each weapon has four levels. PterShots are blue lines of ammo that stay exactly the same through all four upgrades. The power increases, but the shot looks the same. You start with level one PterShot, but you can get it again or upgrade by grabbing a blue bonus that an enemy leaves behind. On the first level, its power is 1. Then 2, then 3, and the last upgrade, its power is 6. FireBalls start as tiny red balls on level one. After you upgrade, you shoot two balls. Next upgrade, you shoot three. After the final upgrade, you send three yellow lines that spread across a large horizontal distance. The power levels on level one are 1, next two upgrades have power of 2, and the last upgrade has a power of 4. To get FireBalls, grab a red powerup that an enemy drops. Next, we have PterPods. On the first level, you fire three shots; one from the side, and one on either side of you. For the next two levels, you shoot two green shots from the front of you that go in opposite diagonal directions. On the final upgrade, you get a red laser beam that is about 4 Pteris long. The power on the first level is 1, then 2, then 4, and then all the way up to 8 with the last upgrade. Get PterPods by snagging green powerups. Last, we have the PterBoom. On the first level of this weapon, you shoot a purple crescent shaped weapon. For the next two upgrades, you shoot two of these crescent shaped shots. On the final upgrade, you shoot two giant crescents. The power on the first level is 1, the next two upgrades have powers of 2, and the final upgrade is 4. To get PterBooms, all you have to do is find a purple bonus.

Me: Okay, that’s a lot of stuff to remember! Which type of ammo do you recommend?

Flier: Definitely the FireBalls. On level four, FireBalls create a wall of yellow that protects you from tons of pterodactyls. Unless you enjoy watching me get mauled by pterodactyls, I suggest you get FireBalls.

Me: Okey-Dokey then! When I was playing, a big red grarrl came up from behind me and hit me! How do I deal with those?

Flier: Grarrls are such a pain. It’s easiest just to stay out of their way until they leave, but if you can shoot it, it will leave faster.

Me: Alright! Let’s see here… How do you progress through the game?

Flier: Two words: Get points. The more points you score, the higher the level. As you get to each level, the number and color of pterodactyls increases, so watch yourself.

Me: Alright. Do you have any tips for new players like me?

Flier: Umm… Well, I guess I can tell you that if you fly me into the sides of the canyon, you lose a life. So don’t do it, unless you enjoy watching Pteris writhe in pain. I suggest you stay away from the walls. Hmm… I think that’s about it.

Me: Okay, almost finished. Do you know any codes for the game?

Flier: Codes?!?! Now they have codes for games? What is this! Why in my day we had no codes, we just had our own wits! We had to….

Me: Wait, hold up there. Exactly how old are you?

Flier: That’s it! Get out!

And that was the end of my interview. Who knew a Pteri could get so mad about such a simple question? He kind of threw me out of his little hut and told me that I should find a game guide somewhere. Boy, who knew that such a little Pteri could have such a big temper! Oh well, I got some valuable information out of that dude. The next day when I took his advice, I scored 3,510! Now, I’m a Grand Master at that game, and 1000 neopoints closer to a new slorg item. With these useful tips and a little practice, you too can go from a beginner to a Grand Master! But remember: NEVER ask Pteri_Flier44 for some tips, unless you want a nifty restraining order, like me.

Questions? Comments? Feel free to neomail me! I'd love to hear from you!

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