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What Not to Buy for Valentines Day

by tigerfanatic33


Valentines Day is a wonderful day of the year, where pink and red love hearts pollute our atmosphere and our pretty sidebar becomes a sickly collage of bright colors.

Aside from all these bright colors there is another reason why Valentines Day is a day to dread and fear. Gift Giving.

You are pretty much obliged to give a gift to your friends, family and maybe even random strangers. For some people, like me, that is a hard task. You are faced with three possibilities. Give them nothing, give them a cheap gift, or give them the most expensive item you can find. These three possibilities give you three repercussions: they’ll dislike you for giving them nothing, they’ll dislike you for buying them cheap, worthless items or you’ll be left with no Neopoints but they’ll happy… until next Valentines Day. So behold, worried and extremely scared reader, my list of “What not to buy for Valentines Day!”

10. Magic Smelly Socks

Top of the list and ranked at Number 10 are the infamous Magic Smelly Socks.

Even though these… umm… Socks can cure Bloaty Feet, they are not a very good gift to give (try saying that ten times really fast), for two reasons; they are cheap and they are Smelly. Is any more explanation really necessary?

9. Pile of Dung

There are two types of people in Neopia; those who have their items blocked and those who have been sent a Pile of Dung.

The Pile of Dung is not a gesture of friendship; it is a gesture of extreme dislike and should only be sent to your enemies, which include but are not limited to, Dr. Sloth, King Skarl, King Kelpbeard, Illusen and Alien Aishas who can’t tell the difference between a Nerkmid and a book named ‘Nerkmid Mania.’

8. Sparkshooter

Unless your friend has an extremely strong pet and is an expert in the Battledome, do not give them a Sparkshooter. It is just too powerful for the average player and after they hit themselves with it a few times trying to get it to work, they will not thank you for it.

7. Malevolent Sentient Poogle Plushie (TCG)

You may be surprised by this one. I’m sure you would love to be sent a MSPP for Valentines Day, but do not be fooled. This amazing card may be Mega Rare but selling it is impossible, and don’t lie, of course you’d like to sell it. You couldn’t not sell it, with the daily beggar mail from n00bs wanting to borrow it. It’s a bit of a ‘White Elephante.’

6. Meepit

It may be pink, and it may be a petpet, but do not give anyone one of these evil creatures. Meepits, along with Dr. Sloth, will one day plot the destruction of Neopia. Giving someone one of these will add to that destruction. Our only hope rests in the hands of the Space Faerie and a large army of Feepits.

5. Mootix

There is only one thing more evil than a Meepit, and that is an Asparagus Chia, but this section is about Mootix. They will leave your poor petpet biting and scratching for days. You can’t get rid of them; they will only leave your petpet if you put the poor thing back into your inventory. Even then there are rumours that they hop off into Neopia and make their home on another poor petpet. So there is only one sure way to squash these fleas. Prod Turmy with a big, sharp stick.

4. Escaped Pixel

A pixel that lost its way and escaped from NeoQuest. If Mr. Insane didn’t notice it leave, then how is a mere mortal going to realise it’s escaping? It’s too small to keep track of; it could get lost, stood on, squashed, sat upon or asploded and no one would notice. These pixels are best left in the Toy Shop.

3. I Club Sloth T-Shirt

You think the Space Faerie will save you? Ha!

She’s too busy fighting people in the Battledome (and winning).

If Dr. Sloth sees your pet go out wearing one of these T-Shirts, expect retribution or to be zapped with a laser.


Sorry for yelling, but I couldn’t hear myself think over that infernal noise. It is such a nuisance. It’s been going all day and all night now and worse it’s made me forget why a Trumpet of Deafening is a bad gift idea.

Now for the best part of an article: The End.

The very last bad Gift Suggestion is just below, but first let’s recap what I have covered so far.

10. Magic Smelly Socks (They are smelly, but magic?)

9. Pile of Dung (Eww! That’s all I can say)

8. Sparkshooter (Just too powerful!)

7. Malevolent Sentient Poogle Plushie (TCG) (Lik can I hav ur card!!11??)

6. Meepit (It’s staring at me…)

5. Mootix (Your petpet has fleas!)

4. Escaped Pixel (Where did it go?)

3. I Club Sloth T-Shirt (Where is the Space Faerie when you need her?)

2. Trumpet of Deafening (SPEAK UP, I CAN’T HEAR YOU!)

Now, the last suggestion. An item that you should never buy someone for Valentines Day.

That item is…

1. A Mysterious Valentines Card

Shocked, are you? Weren’t expecting this, were you? Wondering why a Valentines Day Card is item number one? I will tell you.

Because they won’t know who sent it; it is a Mysterious Valentines Day Card after all. The whole point in it is for people to not know who sent it. However there is a catch; the person who you sent it to will think you didn’t get them anything. You could tell them you got them the Mysterious Valentines Day Card, but they probably won’t believe you.

So what you thought was the best gift idea is actually the worst.

There it is, relieved and happy reader, the list of ‘What not to buy for Valentines Day.’ Remember you don’t have to listen to my ideas, but when Meepits take over Neopia, don’t say you weren’t told, just say you forgot ;)

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