Preparing Neopia for the Meepits Circulation: 111,611,307 Issue: 221 | 22nd day of Celebrating, Y7
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The Holiday Blues


by supersmash444

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We have just received news of new disease rapidly spreading throughout the world of Neopia. It is known as “Holidious Bluesious”, or “Holiday Blues”. It is highly contagious and can become extremely serious if not taken care of. Some of its most common symptoms include: boredom, dreariness, grumpy-pantsness, eye rolling, bullying, ice ball throwing, and brainlessness.

Reports have confirmed that the first sign of this disease was spotted in Neopia Central, December 1st. A bright, young Yurble was reported to be sleeping during class, doodling, throwing paper airplanes, and being just plain old unholiday-like. GASP! His worried parents rushed him to the hospital, where he continued to roll his eyes and grumble. The doctors couldn’t figure out what in Neopia was wrong with him.

Two hours later, a cheerful Elephante nurse, who had been helping in the young Yurble’s room, was confirmed to be talking back, slumping her shoulders, and moaning. DOUBLE GASP! The astonished doctors rushed her to an emergency room and started testing on her too. It wasn’t long before reports came in from the Lost Desert of a little Pteri who was lie telling, tittle-tattling, and not brushing her teeth. TRIPLE GASP! Soon, a Tyrannian Ruki was rumored to be sticking his tongue out, nail biting, and time wasting. QUADRUPLE GASP!

This disease began spreading across all of Neopia instantly. Even Illusen and Jhudora have been reported of lip picking, and face making. QUINTUPLE GASP! There are even rumors of Queen Fyora repeatedly sighing. SEXTUPLE GASP! The only area that seems to be minorly affected is Happy Valley, but there are still several occurrences there. Officials became increasingly frightened, and tried unsuccessfully to find a solution to the predicament.

You can imagine the shock the “Official Group in Charge of Everything to do with Medicine, Diseases and Bluh Bluh Bluh” felt when they received a notorious neomail from the notorious Doctor Sloth. The conversation went something like this:

Doctor Sloth: “BWAH HA HA HA! I’M SO EVIL! BWAH HA HA HA! YOU ARE DOOMED!”

Official: “Who is this?”

Doctor Sloth: “It’s me, evil Doctor Sloth. DUH! Who else could be so evil? BWAH HA HA HA!”

Official: “This is really Doctor Sloth? Or are you just some dumb noob doing a prank neomail?”

Doctor Sloth: “It’s EVIL Doctor Sloth to you, you dumb noob! Now, listen intently to my evil plot!”

Official: “Do I really want to hear this?”

Doctor Sloth: “No, but I’m gonna tell you anyway!”

Official: “What if I just log out?”

Doctor Sloth: “WHAT? Well, erm…er…I’ll electrocute you! That’s it! Now be quiet and listen. I have no doubt you have realized the terrible disease spreading throughout Neopia this very moment, which no one can identify. Well, on November 30th, my workers completed the most evil thing in Neopia (besides me). THE VERY DISEASE THAT YOU ARE FRETTING ABOUT! I have spread it all over Neopia! No one is safe from it! You must meet my demands, handing over all of Neopia to me and sticking my beautiful face on all neopoints and stamps, or the disease will only get worse and worse. If you meet my demands I will relieve you of the disease and no one will suffer from it anymore. You have until Christmas to reply! BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Official: “Hey! Wait a second!”

Doctor Sloth: “Goodbye! BWAH HA HA HA!”

The members of the “Official Group in Charge of Everything to do with Medicine, Diseases and Bluh Bluh Bluh” deliberated what course of action they should take. Some thought they should hand over Neopia to Sloth, some said, “NO WAY!”, most had no idea what to do, and the guy who was neomailing with Sloth still thought it was some dumb noob doing a prank. Everyone argued until the cool Shoyru official with the baseball cap on said, “Dudes, I like totally think that, us dudes should do totally nothing. By Christmas we should probably, like, already have a total cure for that down disease. And if not, we just tell everyone that Sloth owns us now. We don’t tell anyone about the disease or Sloth because then everyone will, like, panic. And that’s not cool.”

Everyone agreed because he was cool. They began to work even more furiously at discovering what was wrong with everyone infected with the disease, but they made no progress. All attempts failed, and soon any doctors doing testing began snorting, shoving, and snapping.

It wasn’t until the amazing scientist, Dr. Zingabong the Xweetok arrived in the office of the “Official Group in Charge of Everything to do with Medicine, Diseases and Bluh Bluh Bluh”. He requested to have a meeting with all the officials, who reluctantly agreed. Dr. Zingabong demanded to know why they weren’t making any progress on the “Holiday Blues.”

“The ‘WHAT’?” asked the officials. Dr. Zingabong’s mouth dropped open in astonishment.

“Don’t tell me you don’t even know what the ‘Holiday Blues’ is,” he said. When he confirmed that they didn’t know, he explained that the “Holiday Blues” was the mysterious disease that they were trying to find a cure for.

“How come you get to name it, man? We’re like the ‘Official Group in Charge of Everything to do with Medicine, Diseases and Bluh Bluh Bluh’, so we should name it,” objected the cool Shoyru.

“Because,” replied Dr. Zingabong, “I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t even know what it was.” When he noticed everyone around him looking sheepishly at his or her feet, his mouth dropped open again. “Okay I lied,” he said, “I am surprised!”

The “Official Group in Charge of Everything to do with Medicine, Diseases and Bluh Bluh Bluh” told Dr. Zingabong about Doctor Sloth’s threatening neomail. They said they were relieved to know that he knew about it, so they could stop Sloth from taking over Neopia, but Dr. Zingabong just laughed.

“Doctor Sloth didn’t invent the Holiday Blues,” he said. “It’s been around for decades. It’s only that this year it has been taken to the extreme, and Sloth used that to his advantage. He must have lied to you, to try and trick you into handing over Neopia to him.”

It was then that Dr. Zingabong told them that they should reveal the disease to the public. So, Dr. Zingabong arranged an important meeting with me, so that I could publish everything I could in the Neopian Times.

Me: “So, Dr. Zingabong, you speak of a significant illness expanding across Neopia called the Holiday Blues. What exactly is it?”

Dr. Zingabong: “My profound research tells me that it is an annual ailment occurring every year around this time, only this year it seems to have gotten out of control.”

Me: “Why isn’t the ‘Official Group in Charge of Everything to do with Medicine, Diseases and Bluh Bluh Bluh’ making any progress on it?”

Dr. Zingabong: “Well you see, the Holiday Blues is not any normal ailment. It’s not like you can just eat a slice of Neopox Pizza and it will go away. It has more to do with your mood.”

Me: “I’m not sure I’m fully understanding you Doctor. How do people get this disease?”

Dr. Zingabong: “There are a numerous different ways that you can catch this disease. Some people get it because they are tired; some people get it because they are stressed. Some kids get it because they are bullied, and some kids get it because they are bullying. Basically, you get it because you are not in the holiday spirit that everyone should be feeling.”

Me: “So if you’re feeling down, or depressed, you could catch the Holiday Blues?”

Dr. Zingabong: “Exactly, and it’s not uncommon for kids who want to get a lot for Christmas, but give only a little, to catch it too.”

Me: “Wow! I know a lot of people like that.”

Dr. Zingabong: “That’s exactly why it has spread so much! Also, if you're being grumpy and snotty, it will most like affect others around you and make them be grumpy and snotty too.”

Me: “YIKES! I better stay away from my brother!”

Dr. Zingabong: “Actually, that’s probably the worst thing you can do.”

Me: “But I don’t want to get infected!”

Dr. Zingabong: “That may be true, but you want to help your brother get into the Christmas Spirit. Avoiding him will make him even more solemn, and avoiding him just for your sake isn’t the Christmassy thing to do, so you would catch the Holiday Blues anyway.”

Me: “What should I do, then?”

Dr. Zingabong: “You should try and get everyone into the holiday spirit. I find singing Christmas songs is one of the best ways to get people into the holiday spirit. Try to cheer them up. Remember, the reason that most people get the Holiday Blues is because they are sad. A little Christmas cheer is really all they need. Just try and make sure they have fun!”

Me: “That sounds so easy!”

Dr. Zingabong: “It is! Everyone can help someone get into the holiday spirit, and it’s extremely crucial that we do so.”

Me: “Why is that?”

Dr. Zingabong: “Christmas is coming soon of course! It will ruin Christmas if the majority of the population is infested with the Holiday Blues!”

Me: “You’re right! That is terrible!”

Dr. Zingabong: “We must act immediately if we want to keep the Christmas spirit alive.”

So remember, if you see anyone contaminated with the Holiday Blues, raise their spirits. This isn’t something that one group of physicians can do on their own. No. We are asking you, citizens of Neopia, to help us. This is the fate of Christmas spirit. We are a nation. We must act, and stand together. If every day, one Neopet disinfects one other Neopet, the Holiday Blues won’t stand a chance. And by the way…try not to get infected while you’re at it. *Rolls eyes* OH NO! I’M INFECTED! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SEPTUPLE GASP!

Note to readers: If you see anyone who’s feeling sad, low, stressed, tired, or even depressed, help them out. This is the Christmas Holidays. By pulling someone up to you, you raise their spirits, as well as your own. Let’s keep the Christmas Spirit alive and make this the best Holiday season ever!

 
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