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The Truth About the Xweetoks

by appropinquo


The Xweetok, Neopia’s newest inhabitant. At first it may seem harmless; you want to pick it up and cuddle it. Of course it is the cutest little rodent that you have ever laid eyes upon, but something seems wrong with it. Its eyes are twitching, following all the inhabitants of the room like a hawk. On second thought, you decide not to take this hyper tense fluffy bundle of joy home. Maybe a less shifty character will be a more welcome addition to your home.

This was a scenario that many Neopians experienced as they awoke one day to find Xweetoks inhabiting the planet of Neopia. Despite this, in the short amount of time that we have been getting to know these Xweetoks, they have managed to invade our communities. Yet, no one seems worried, not even those who decided that they didn’t like the Xweetoks’ shifty glare. What do we know about these Xweetoks? Nothing apart from the small description that their leader handed to TNT when they landed on Neopia. Yes, landed, not discovered. Because the Xweetoks are not happy forest dwelling creatures; they are in fact runaway experiments from Dr. Sloth’s space station.

Firstly, what the Xweetoks are like. If you should ever meet one walking down the street, bow and tip your hat, because behind that cute demeanor is a hot temper. If one should choose to focus their attentions on you, don’t run, but rather hide quietly and wait for them to forget you. If you run, they’ll catch you, for chasing is what they do best. A Xweetok's mane is its pride and joy. They never get them dirty, and detest using anything but the finest grooming products on them. Their rich brown coats are the result of the consumption of their favourite food – chocolate.

Secondly, why the Xweetoks were created. It’s very simple; Sloth created them as soldiers. They don’t look like soldiers, I hear you say, but isn’t that the point of a good soldier – to infiltrate and attack from within. They weren’t meant for Neopia though. Sloth needs the supplies from our planet, and besides, we’re too strong. No, the Xweetoks were meant for another planet, a smaller, less advanced planet. Once there, Sloth was planning to use the resources to create a huge shipping empire and make billions and billions of neopoints. Using these ill gotten gains he was going to hire many mercenaries to add to his Xweetok army and take Neopia in a short battle. I say was because the Xweetoks escaped, although not without forming some dastardly ideas of their own.

Thirdly, why and how they escaped. The Xweetoks escaped because they realized that they were going to be exploited for Sloth’s selfish ideas. They realized that all the credit would be going to Sloth and not to the species that did all the work. So they decided to come and take Neopia over secretly, then storm Sloth’s space station with the force of every single Neopet in Neopia. Late one night when Sloth was relaxing in his chamber, creating new, wicked plots and drinking hot borovan, the Xweetoks slipped between the bars of their cages and escaped to the garage. Once there, they crammed into several space ships and one of the Xweetoks, who had read a book about space and space ships, navigated them to Neopia. They landed in a jungle and decided to create a new image for themselves as forest dwellers.

Their plan was to infiltrate our most influential accounts, and then brainwash their owners. Their plan has already started to take place, with obvious signs being boards stating ‘I love my Xweetok!’. Once their owners started being loyal to the point of no return, the Xweetoks were going to slowly turn their faithful owners into minions. Once most of Neopia was in their grasp, they would start building space ships, and ever so slowly build up an army to rival that of … Uhh…Sloth's? I’m not sure how big the biggest army of minions has ever been, but this one will be bigger. And you can’t stop an army if you’re brainwashed and one of its minions.

Now, what shall we do about this Xweetok problem? We cannot send them back to Sloth (they’d just become minions again), we can’t ignore them (they’d take us over), and we can’t start a full on war with them. This last point is there because the Xweetoks have already infiltrated the deepest parts of Neopia. No, I suggest a re-education program. Nothing bad, nothing to wrench the newest member of your family away from you, just something to ensure that they cool their plans of World Domination. Counseling would also be a perfect way to help your poor Xweetok. It would help them let out their emotions, especially all that repressed anger over Sloth. However, these two measures do not have to be used. If you love your Xweetok, and you show them this every day, maybe they will forget their hatred and become pleasant and less twitchy. But remember, some Xweetoks refuse to be helped, so you may have to resort to some more drastic measures – like the confiscation of chocolate. If your Xweetok starts biting, it would be extremely advisable to seek help with the chocolate withdrawal symptoms; if not, be happy that your Xweetok loves you enough to fight the natural urge to propel itself towards chocolate.

(Note to the bearded Kiko – you will soon be overrun by crazed Xweetoks searching for morsels of chocolate.)

So there you have it – the truth. I just hope that you choose to use this information to help Neopia, and ultimately, your beloved Xweetok.

Author's note – This article is definitely not neutral and its advice is only my opinion. I have not meant to offend you or the Xweetoks in any way, only to advise you on certain dangers. Not all Xweetoks are evil, and in fact, 1 in 200,000 is undeniably good. Yours might be one of them, or it might not. But whatever you do, DO NOT give your Xweetok a Meepit. Even the best pet can be corrupted.

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