Under the Sea
MARAQUA - Ahh, scenic Maraqua... the people are friendly, the view is great, and
best of all you don't have to shower since everyone else smells like fish! This
article will cover the reasons to move to Maraqua, and what you should run away
from when you get there. So if you're wondering where your home should be, or
just want to get away from those neighbors you owe 50,000 Neopoints, keep reading!
About 50 years ago or so it seems, Old Maraqua was destroyed... only recently
the city has been rebuilt to be more safe and powerful than ever! King Kelpbeard
has generously started selling property to us so the tripled taxes we have to
pay are more than worth it! Isn't he nice! And I'm not just saying that because
he threatened me!
After you arrive in Maraqua, it may not seem like much. A few fish, some kelp
here or there, but you'll soon discover some great things about living underwater.
For example, those neighbors won't be a problem because if they yell at you
for having a full set of dung furniture, which is flaking off and floating to
their yard, all you'll hear is an angry voice muffled by the water. That'll
make you laugh, they'll yell at you even louder, you'll laugh even harder, and
by the end of each day they'll have a headache from yelling so much. That'll
teach them to give you more respect. Not only that, but sometimes they'll throw
the dung chunks that floated in their yard at you and you can have a full-on
Dung War! Invite your friends, get practicing, and build your dung fort soon
because the championship is right around the corner!
Dung Wars, you ask? Yes, in Maraqua, Dung Wars is the national sport. I think.
Well, Dung Wars originated in Terror Mountain, believe it or not. The Tyrannians
took Snow Wars, made a few tweaks to suit their taste, and when Maraquans found
out, it was all the rage. Unfortunately the dung was washed away before you
could throw it so now we use solid dung. If you lost your appetite after that
paragraph, you're going to have to hide in your house by the time Dung war championships
arrive. If you gained an appetite instead of losing it, well, you're just weird.
You're probably wondering what you'll do about breathing if you're underwater.
Well, you could hope you grow gills. When you were a child you imagined you
sprouted wings, so what's the difference? If gills are too unfashionable for
your pets, especially to you Uni owners, hold your breath when you leave the
house. See? Problem solved.
The government in Maraqua is a piece of work. There's only one king, so only
one person to take control of your tiny minds. And blackmail you into writing
articles about his kingdom. But since I don't want my 1 million-Neopoint Meepit
Protection Center the king built for me destroyed, I guess I better not say
anything about the king or the Meepits will get me. They may not be able to
swim but if they grow gills like you did, I'm a goner. Moving on.
The food is great here in Maraqua. There's kelp, coral, and even kelp! But
stay away seafood lovers, because if you eat even one wittle fishy, you'll be
seeing the business end of a Maractite sword very soon. So remember grasshopper,
you eat fish and fish eat you. Way of life. Get used to it.
Speaking of Maractite swords, if you join their army you can defend Maraqua
against the forces of eevilll. Those Meepits have to be kept back as long as
possible so I can talk bad about the king, because if the Meepits are kept away
I won't need a Meepit Protection Center. So if you love me you'll protect me
from the Meepits. Oh, don't worry about where to sign up, I knew you'd say yes
so I already filled out the forms. You begin training at 4:00am sharp!
Now, that's all fine and dandy, but where's the fighting? On dry land you're
used to going to the Battledome all the time and might not want to live underwater
for that reason. BUT, before you go to some other slightly insane real estate
agent for help, let me finish. With Maraqua come Maraquan pets who want to eat
your brains, Grarrls in particular. I can't tell you how many times I've had
to fight for my life against one of those things. And those Maraquan Lupes...
don't want one of those to roll on top of you. Don't want to risk the chance
of getting in trouble for attacking a citizen? There is a Maraquan Battledome,
where making pets cry is totally legal! What did I tell you? Maraqua is just
as dangerous as Neopia Central, so you should be dying to come here!
As I said before, the people are great. Every day they will greet you by pointing
and laughing. If they're pointing at you, that means they are talking about
you, and if they're laughing, that means they have a smile on their face, which
has to be a good thing. Right? And if they pick on you and call you names, just
remember one thing: Everyone is a future fish stick. That always made me feel
better when the men in the white coats gave me a vacation in the Funny Farm,
aka the Happy Hotel, aka the place with the nice padded rooms. I don't know
why I didn't like those guys, that room was cozy... anyways, back to the trying-to-get-you-to-buy-my-home
Money is a big part in everyone's life and is the source of all happiness...
or was it evil? ... Uh, anyway, making money in Maraqua is no problem. You could
try your hand at being a Maractite-mining slave, which pays a good 10np per
hour. Or if you had your eye on that fancy restaurant with the shiny 'Kelp'
sign, you could be a waiter or waitress. They've seen your cooking, so you have
no chance at being a chef, but taking orders probably wouldn't make trouble
with the health inspectors. You could get an amazing 30np per hour as a waiter
or waitress. Will you be living the good life or what?
This should be more than enough reasons to live in the city of Mostly Automated
Robots And Quiggles Under Attack, also known as M.a.r.a.q.u.a. So have fun,
drive safe, and don't eat yellow snow.