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Taxes of Neopia

by toasted_carrots


All over Neopia, people are being taxed. Most of them, the Neopoints don’t even benefit from. But who taxes us? Here is a simple guide about Neopia's Taxes! It’s so simple that it should be called ‘Tax for no0bs!’ But that would be insulting for the intelligent Neopians like you who still have no idea why there is tax. But nearly no one does so don’t feel bad.

Tax is Adam and Donna’s way of getting revenge after a bad day. Rumour has it, the tax beast is in cahoots with Adam, thus the eleven million neopoints he has. Anyway… back to this strange yet sinister word. Tax.

T. A. X.

Creepy. O_O

After being robbed of my hard earned neopoints several times, I still did not know why I was being. I searched Neopia long and far. From the Lost Desert to Krawk Island.

I have gathered all of this information into this article to read at your leisure. I ha—

Snowflake: Just show the article already!

*cough* Erm. Right then.

I give you… The Taxes of Neopia! *fanfare*

Marrow Tax:

Have you ever been in the middle of a stroll around Meridell, watching people gag after they realise they have kissed a real mortog, and suddenly…


King Skarl taxes you for his ‘Marrow Tax’? Most people do not realise what Marrow Tax is; and still do not even AFTER being taxed. Marrow tax funds go toward paying for the ‘Guess the Weight’ marrow each day. On that farm, there are dozens of workers working all day to keep Neopia supplied with plenty of Marrows. Marrow growing can be very taxing (Ha-ha! Geddit?).Those people need to be paid. Fertilising dung needs to be bought. A lot of Neopoints are needed to keep the farm running, so King Skarl just randomly taxes people. He is happy. Marrow growers are happy. Marrow buyers are happy. Taxed person is not. But 3/4 ain’t bad! And, here at the Neopian Times, we have gotten an *exclusive* interview with the one and only King Skarl! Let's go in…

Toasted Carrots: So, King Skarl. We all want to know. Why are you sad? What is the reason that thousands of people line up to tell you jokes daily? Why won’t you give me your avatar?

King Skarl: Sad? Because my dear Lumpy the Mortog has gone missing! He has been…STOLEN!

Toasted Carrots: Oh… did it ever occur to you that he might have gone down to Kiss the Mortog.


Voice in distance: Picked the wrong mortog, m’lad! Remember, if you kiss a real one it shall go…

Toasted Carrots: Ah. Yeah. Someone must have *stolen* it.

King Skarl: So…are you telling me a joke or what?

Toasted Carrots: Eh. No. I have to…water my…snicklebeast. Bye.

Dr Sloth Invasion Tax:

Dr Frank Sloth. The weirdest name I’ve ever heard (Except for sanditenguyertanamihyotem). The weirdest dressed thing I’ve ever seen. The most villainous villain in Neopia That sounds like a lot for one Neopian! But, Dr Sloth needs funds for his evil plans. And he cannot exactly go out and beg for some on the boards or play games (I just had the weirdest mental image). So, to destroy Neopia, he taxes random people. Weirdly enough, the Neopians that have been taxed the most get a trophy! The random event is something like this:

Something has happened!

Dr Sloth has taken 20% of your neopoints for his invasion tax!

It is currently unknown how much Dr Sloth is aiming for, and how much more he needs. Frank (Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha) also randomly gives out Transmogrification potions and an exclusive avatar. That would make quite a dent in his budget (Have you seen the prices of Trans potions these days!?).

The Tax Beast:

This evil Neopian often jumps out and demands a cut of your hard-earned neopoints. This furry, green fellow will get your NP any way he can, as described on his TCG card; ‘He’ll catch up with you sooner or later…’.

If you do lose neopoints to this fellow, get your revenge by whacking a Tax Beast Piñata. That’ll only leave you about 250k back but it also comes with the satisfaction of revenge, a neat avatar and whatever goodies are inside the piñata. =D

A cool trick to make neopoints is to paint a Yurble Halloween. They look like the tax beast! Just make them jump out of bushes and demand money! It works every time. How do you think I bought all th—

TNT is reading this, aren’t they? Oh Dear. Scrap that.

Anyway. That’s the tax beast, one of the biggest taxers ever.

The ANGRY Tax Beast:

This is the tax beast again. But this time he is ANGRY. For some reason, TNT puts the word ‘ANGRY’ in capitals. But who understands TNT these days? Anyway…Because the Tax Beast is ANGRY he taxes you for more neopoints than usual. Who knows why he is angry? Maybe someone taxed him? Tee-hee! Taxing the Tax Beast.

So, basically what I am saying is that tax is BAD! So, all you have to do is send Dr Sloth roses every week, uncover the greatest jokes in the land to present to King Skarl, and give the Marrow growers extra shovels! Or just have an extra large sword handy for when people jump out at you. Personally, I prefer the second way. It’s much funnier.

Myself, I have been taxed in all four ways. There may be more taxes to come, as the vast expansion of Neopia is quickly growing more and more, therefore more neopoints are needed for more things.

Who knows? Maybe Adam will get his neopoints himself in the future? Probably not. *mutters* Stupid avatar.

I hope you enjoyed my article!

Authors note: If you are seeing this that means I got into the NT for the 1st time! W00t! Yay! I’d like to thank Snowflake and all my friends. Feel free to neomail me about this article. Happy Neopeting!

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