There are ants in my Lucky Green Boots Circulation: 151,901,457 Issue: 213 | 20th day of Collecting, Y7
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MORE Happy Home Hunting

by year_of_the_fox


Also by extreme_fj0rd

Extreme_fj0rd: Hello and welcome to the second episode of Fj0rd and Fox's Happy World Dominatio - er, Happy Home Hunting show! Or, rather, articles. I'm Fj0rd, and this is my friend Fox.

Year_of_the_Fox: Yes, we're here to continue brainwashing - I mean helping you pick out a place to live by showing you the pros and cons of everywhere!

Fj0rd: But unfortunately, last time we only got through Neopia Central, Meridell, and Brightvale. So now we're back, and ready to show you Terror Mountain!

Fox: Yup! So we shall now go north, to where the icy snows and winds blow, Terror Mountain. That's just ominous. Look at the name - that's got to be a sign.

Fj0rd: Oh yes, you and your "signs". Honestly. Terror Mountain is actually a very pleasant place - that is, if you enjoy cold weather - and it's also where the Advent Calendar is. If you live there, you wouldn't have to go as far to redeem your special, awesome prizes in the Month of Celebrating. You can also try to sneak past the Snowager - always a worthwhile activity. Maybe you'll find a super-rare Negg there some day! And if you do, you can trade it in for Negg Tokens at the Neggery just 'round the corner.

Fox: But you can't go outside without four layers of clothing on. And really, you have to go all the way to Neopia Central to buy clothing of any sort. And there are always random people who pelt snowballs at you out of the blue and that pesky snow beast who comes around and tries to kill you. And you could always trip and accidentally wake up the Snowager and then not only will you be pelted with icicles there will also be tons of angry people who came all the way out there just to try their luck at getting something but can't now, because you woke him up. Plus, there are blizzards where you could get trapped in a snow lodge and then be killed off one by one like the staff a while back!

Fj0rd: Yeah, well... you can also do Snow Faerie quests, and on the top of the mountain there are great deals on random junk at the Igloo Garage Sale. So it's not ALL bad.

Fox: But the Snow Faerie quests are expensive and can just be a waste of Neopoints. And if you're tempted to do them so often soon you'll have to sell your neohome and live on the streets. Which wouldn't be fun since it's the coldest place in Neopia.

Fj0rd: But then again, you might get lucky and win something like a Red Draik Egg, and be able to sell it off for hundreds of thousands of Neopoints.

Fox: But your chances of that are slim to none. Plus, you need to go all the way to wherever your store is just to sell it. And that’s a hassle, since you can't put stores in Terror Mountain yet.

Fj0rd: Well, you'd probably actually have to go to Mystery Island from wherever you were in Neopia, seeing as how you can't sell stuff for over 100,000 NP in your shop. And Terror Mountain is pretty close to Mystery Island - but I concede the point.

Fox: Still. It would be a hassle. And there aren’t too many ways to MAKE Neopoints there - just lots of ways to spend and lose them. Unless you're a neobillionaire I say avoid living there at all costs - unless of course you like living on the street...Which I doubt you do.

Fj0rd: ...Streets are nice. Erm, moving on!

Fox: Yush...We move east again (what's with all the east...we should move west sometime soon) to the Prehistoric land of unlearned buffoons who can't speak English, Tyrannia!

Fj0rd: Well, we're going to have to go south eventually. Anyway! Tyrannia is, uh... very nice... if you like omelette...

Fox: And rocks. There are plenty of those there. Though you can hardly understand what anyone says there and there are lots of rampaging wild Chombies around. And volcanoes that explode at random and people who carry around big pointy sticks and food that isn't cooked and should be.

Fj0rd: Geologists, we've found the perfect place for you to live. Fox, erm, shall we move on?

Fox: Yeah. There's just not much here. So now we move south below sea level to the underwater city of Maraqua!

Fj0rd: Wow, it's a direction other than east! Whodathunk. Anyway, Maraqua is, well, beautiful. All coral and shining Maractite, it's quite possibly the prettiest place underwater in Neopia.

Fox: But...Well...Unless you want to spend millions of Neopoints painting your pets (and yourself) Maraquan, I say nay! Since, unless you're a Koi, Kiko, Flotsam, Jetsam, or Peophin, can't really breathe down there.

Fj0rd: Pfft. Breathing is for wimps.

Fox: And there are those fish that swim around. They could swim in front of you and blind you! And what if you can't swim? That wouldn't be good.

Fj0rd: On the upside, if you bring along a supply of fish bowls you can catch wild aquatic Petpets and sell them for extra NP.

Fox: But passing wild Jetsam could eat you. Or you could be allergic to water. Or coral. Or fish. Or kelp. Which brings me to the point of the annoying establishment that is full of stuck-up people who will pass you and stick up their noses.

Fj0rd: Now, now, Fox. Not everyone has had traumatizing experiences at Kelp.

Fox: B-but...Whaa... Food poisoning... and… and being kicked out! IT WASN'T MY FAULT DONNA DIDN'T SHOW UP!

Fj0rd: Fox... uh... let's move on.

Fox: Okay...I guess we should move south again to the Island of Mystery...THAT'S A SIGN! Baaaad sign. Murder! And... and... COCONUTS!

Fj0rd: Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? Erm, anyway, mystery can be a good thing as well. Who doesn't enjoy a good "whodunit" now and then? And anyway, there isn't really that much of a mystery about the Island any more. Sort of like how the Lost Desert isn't really Lost - but that's another section of this article. Going back to Mystery Island, the climate is very temperate and the natives are friendly. (Mostly.)

Fox: If they're friendly why do they wear coconuts on their heads!?! Huh!? And why do they carry around pointy sticks?! And you - you could get... kicked in the head by that crazy Nimmo! Or chopped up to bits by that chef guy! OR EATEN BY MR. TOMBOLA MAN!!!!

Fj0rd: Fox, just because you've never won at Tombola doesn't mean the guy who runs it is evil. I thought you'd like Mystery Island, if for no other reason than the Island Mystic, who gives out fortunes. True, they're exceedingly odd fortunes, but they are fortunes. The Haiku Generator doesn't make much sense either, but I'm sure the poems are really very deep if you understand them.

Fox: But what if the volcano a splodes! Or you're there and the map gets redone again and you can't figure out where anything is? It happened to me. I was stranded there for days without food... except for the food store on the other side of the island.

Fj0rd: I'm sure it was quite an adventure. Also on Mystery Island there's the Training School, which teaches meditation and other such things to pets for the cost of one codestone. It's a very peaceful place, and I'm sure anyone would be glad to live nearby.

Fox: Unless someone gets kicked through your window during fight training. Then you would have to go to Brightvale and buy more useless, expensive, windows.

Fj0rd: ...You're determined to make the worst of everything, aren't you?

Fox: It's my job, isn't it?

Fj0rd: Job? I'm not paying you for it!

Fox: But someone is. I get neopoints in the mail every week just for being pessimistic.

Fj0rd: You do? Wow... Anyway, unfortunately once more we have to stop brainwashing you - I mean, telling you about these lovely places to build your home.

Fox: Yeah. So I think I'll have to start stocking Home Hunting Merchandise in my shop if this gets popular and then I can put brainwashing stuff - I mean! NEVER MIND!

Fj0rd: Right! Nevermind! Erm... end transmission!

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