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The Tax Beast - Evil or Lost Soul?

by podgeb


PLEASE NOTE! The author is NOT responsible for any incidents following the reading of this article.

The Tax Beast. Don’t we just hate him? He springs on us randomly and takes our hard earned np causing us to take Screenies plotting the downfall of the guy or post millions of messages on the "Monster Sightings” neoboard about how much we hate him.

Although not as well known as other monsters, he still has a reputation that not even Adam would want; he's listed in the Gallery of Evil (Not Adam, the Tax Beast!).

Hatred of the Tax Beast has spread to Tax Beast piñatas and even a TCG card, in which he is listed as a villain which reads: He’ll catch up with you sooner or later…

But is the Tax Beast really all that?

So he’s stolen some neopoints maybe. But does that make him all bad?

I have been out and about asking the Neopedia questions.

But then I realised the Neopedia can't talk and decided to try the Great Neopian Public (note the capitals).

This is what you lovely lot had to say:

Horses256sutek arrives at the board and says, "I saw him 3 times! He took ALL my money."

Ncg1992 walks up to me, tells me what the Tax Beast does in his own words and says, "I’ve had him before, but not the angry version yet." Ncg is relieved he has not met this "angry version."

Charlottenoyen suggests I use the Neopedia and says, “I put my money in the bank IMMEDIATELY after I get it. Most they ever took from me was about 300.”

Yourradimradletshug wishes me luck on my submission and says, “I saw him 2987234 times!”

Gollum_dude posts his experience - "He’s been to me twice - lost about 70k to it. The second time I got a screenshot of him!"

70k! That’s a lot of money.

I need to do some background research.

Noting down the fact the TAX beast deals in money, I went to the highest money authority in Neopia - The National Neopian.

The Skeith behind the counter was friendly enough to give me an interview.

Podge (that’s me :-D) - So, how do you know the Tax Beast?

Skeith - The Tax Beast, previously known as George, was an employee of the National Neopian. He was the one who would go around and collect the small amount of fees that come with a bank, me and him used to get along very well until...

The Skeith pauses as though scared of continuing.

Podge - Until what?

Skeith - Until he decided that the amount of money his job paid wasn’t enough. He, you know, wanted bigger, better things, only natural to his type of course, but then, one day he left altogether and the last I saw of him was him running down the road out of sight.

Podge - Did the Beast have any family you knew of?

Skeith - Yes, his brother, sister and once faithful owner. His owner had decided to leave Neopia and search for something more exotic. He, his brother and sister were given to an un-faithful lazy owner and eventually ended up in the Pound.

Podge - Do you know the wherebouts of these siblings?

Skeith - No, the siblings he had vanished a few days after the Tax Beast did.

Podge – Any information on the owner?

Skeith – Last I heard was that she was banished from Neopia from ruining George’s life.

end of interview

This interview told me that poor Tax Beast, or George, should we say, has a bad background.

But what could cause him to turn to this?

Finally, after months of research I have come across the wherebouts of this Tax Beast.

I walk up the road slowly and knock on the door.

The Beast opens it, and above my head a random event appears - "The Tax Beast appears, all your neopoints are gone, would you care to step inside?"

I step inside into what looks like a palace.

Gold walls, gold flooring and anything even King Skarl would envy.

The beast invites me inside and offers me something to drink.

I refuse.

I follow him into his living room and begin our interview.

Podge - So, how did you start taking the money of poor owners and neopets?

Beast - Why should I tell you? You’re only going to report it to the whole of Neopia. NO COMMENT.

Podge - Moving swiftly on, Why do you take money of poor owners and neopets?

Beast - You're making me angry. NO COMMENT.

Podge - This interview is getting a bit pointless; maybe I should just g...


Podge - Right, can you describe yourself for the Neopian public?

Beast - You know what I look like. I’m there, waiting for your neopoints, worse than ghosts, worse than Sloth and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Podge - Well, that’s, erm, interesting. Moving on, do you know Mr. Skeith from the National Neopian?

Beast - HIM??? HIM!?!?! HIM!!!! That guy ruined me! Do you think I would be stealing if he didn’t pay me too little? 10 neopoints an hour for hard earned Tax Collecting, DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT HIM!

Podge - Thank you Mr. Geo...

Beast - Mr. Tax Beast, thank you very much.

Podge - Yes indeed, thank you Mr. Tax Beast, this interview has been very enlightening for all of us. I wish you the best of luck in your next job. I should be going.

Beast - But, I don’t think you should go yet, you see, I’m rather short of neopoints, and, being a reporter you are going to have more than most.


end of interview

In conclusion, I would like to reveal in answer to my beginning question, that the Tax Beast is both evil and a lost soul.

Torn between the good of the National Neopian and the evil of random stealing, this chap certainly isn’t going to be getting any better soon.

All we can hope is that he doesn’t get worse.

This is Podgeb, signing off, with 0np.

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