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A Day Off With Lawyerbot


by shadowcristal

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IN A SECRET ROOM, SOMEWHERE IN NEOPIA – Hello Neopians, this is shadowcristal reporting from a very weird, secret room, here to tell you about something fabulous, something so special, it deserves to be written down as an article...

You see, I’m right here in Lawyerbot’s room right now, and hopefully I’ll be spending one day of my lovely weekend following him and reporting on what Lawyerbot’s life is like on a day off. Some of you might sigh over the fact that we’re not following him on a day in the office, so I’ll explain that first. First of all, finding this secret place where Lawyerbot resides was incredibly hard, and if this is how he spends his spare time, then the office must be much worse. Second, if I was to follow him into his office, I’d probably be kicked out in five seconds flat, and I doubt any Neopian would want to risk that. Lastly, it’s just more interesting to see what those people do on their free time, right?

Well, let’s get going! I enter the lair of Laywerbot 6 AM on a sunny weekend morning. Unfortunately Lawyerbot’s room doesn’t look quite as good as your neohomes, Neopians. It’s all drab and grey here, and there aren’t even any windows! There is one black corner, intended for Lawyerbot’s nightly rest, but otherwise it’s just grey and there are numerous unlabeled buttons on the walls. For reasons unmentioned it looks quite like a machine room in the VirtuPets Space Station, but we shan’t delve into that right now. *cough*I’llgetsued*cough*

On 7 AM, Lawyerbot promptly wakes up and does his morning chores. These include grinding his body with oil, fixing his teeth and taking on proper spare-time clothes for the day. Also, he fixes his collection of Hairy Tashes and other various gifts that kind Neopians have sent him. After that, since he doesn’t have any work, he starts arranging his Usuki Dolls at the rate of 57.83 dolls per minute, which is not bad. It would seem that he does this every weekend and the speed improves, since he has it all recorded on a chart in the resting corner.

Since Lawyerbot has been properly oiled, he skips breakfast and moves onto the pile of paperwork that important people are stuck with even on weekends. This pile includes many complaints concerning bad atmosphere in work areas, so he tries to select the best reply for each and every one of them.

When he has finished all that horrendous paperwork, the gentleman decides to give a call to one of his friends, the Adorbot. They meet outside a space mini-golf range. Adorbot looks quite similar to Lawyerbots, as all bots probably do. One suspects that he got his name from the ripped paper on his chest where it says (the text here is ripped away)ador. This case is similar to a TCG card in Neopia, and for what reasons, one can only fathom.

In any case, Lawyerbot and his friend start playing a game of mini-golf, much lawyer-like. Unlike normal players who aim and hit the ball, the bots use their special commands (which are similar to the ones that Sloth’s machines use) to command the balls to move, and each hole is treated like a case.

Lawyerbot ends up winning, and Adorbot is left to sulk as our Neopian gentleman (not so gentle) moves on to doing other typical weekend activities. After having exercised his circuits for quite a while, Lawyerbot decides to stop by at the Space Station for lunch.

Despite going undercover (it was really hard to spot him, really!), the Grundo Chef that works in the café seems to know Lawyerbot quite well and provides a refreshing lunch of nuts and bolts. Lawyerbot seems to enjoy the lunch, and orders a drink of blended oils and spices to go with the food.

For most of us, that’d probably be a weird lunch, but for Lawyerbot, it seems quite normal. He and the Chef chats a while about innocent matters, while their fingers move as if they’re speaking some secret language. Poor Laywerbot... Never really a day off, always working...

Uh-oh. Lawyerbot looks at my way, and I quickly turn away and start eating my Roast Gargapple. He leaves the café, but doesn’t seem to suspect me as I follow him to a hidden library in the Space Station.

After having had a nice lunch, Lawyerbot spends a large chunk of the afternoon sitting in the library and absorbing information. Unlike us normal Neopians who open up a book and read, Lawyerbot’s superior machinery allows him to scan books and immediately know the contents in a magical way. He is even better at this than arranging Usuki Dolls, as he does 0.6452 books per second.

It doesn’t come as a surprise that all the books Lawyerbot memorizes are about laws. During a nice weekend afternoon, Lawyerbot manages to finish all the books on the laws of Meridell, Darigan, Maraqua, Haunted Woods and half of those for Neopia Central.

At 5:30 PM our gentleman decides that he has had enough of “reading books”, and goes to the café to dine. This time the Grundo serves him more advanced items, and the dessert is a mix of smashing nuts and bolts, interspersed with some metal pegs and nails.

Lawyerbot seems to be quite hungry, because he completely wolfed down his dinner before moving on. In the evening our gentleman seems to do something remotely normal. He goes to visit the almighty Dr. Sloth and discusses various different subjects with our one and only evil genius (who can’t wait to take over Neopia).

By eavesdropping outside Sloth’s door, the only coherent things seem to be something about arrangements concerning work, pay, holidays and career options. Seems like Lawyerbot likes to hold more than one job at once, though we shouldn’t go in on that. *cough*lawsuit*cough*

Finally, after a long hour or two, our dear Lawyerbot exits Sloth’s office to return to his room. His walk is not as machine-like as it was before, and the road he walks is different than the one he came from. Lawyerbot joins a group of Sloth drones to enter a room, and stays there.

Unfortunately I wasn’t able to enter the room, since the door didn’t open after Lawyerbot went inside. But the rusty noises therein kind of told what was going on, but I’ll leave that to your imagination.

And that’s how a day off the office is for Lawyerbot. I strongly suspect that they were having fun with Hairy Tashes inside that room, but who knows? Unfortunate for us, Lawyerbot seems to be quite the boring guy to walk around and read books and play mini-golf. For all of you happy fans, he (at least) seems to be quite the sophisticated gentleman. Hopefully you now know more than you did about our dear Lawyerbot, the one and only. (And hopefully I won’t get sued for following him around.)

So now I declare this little tour finished, and maybe if we’re lucky, there might be an opportunity for an interview in the future. No promises, though. After all, he might not take it kindly that some weird lurker has stalked him all day. Then again, maybe we’ll be lucky enough to follow him on a day in office (though that’d definitely be even more boring) some other day!

Author’s Note: The author claims no responsibility for side effects of reading this article, such as mysteriously stalking Lawyerbot all day and writing loads of fan letters to him. Also, this article was entirely fictional and in no way real (except for the existence of Sloth and the Grundo Chef). Note that the author does not own any characters, places etc. and therefore cannot be sued for them. Thank you for reading this article, and note that comments and concerns should be addressed via nice, properly spelled neomails.

 
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