White Weewoos don't exist. *shifty eyes* Circulation: 105,637,792 Issue: 210 | 30th day of Gathering, Y7
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And Gobble Up Them Pineapples!

by hermionechochang


"Ye mangy sand-gobbin' scoundrels'll rue the day ye did this ta us!" the furious Pirate Kougra bellowed as he shook his paw after the receding ship. "After all we've done fer ye, this is how we're repaid? Garrrn!" The Kougra continued to spout out a series of insults that would earn the author a serious chastisement were she to print them. Leaving the Kougra's words unheeded, the pirate vessel bobbed across the ocean waves until it had finally sailed beyond sight.

     "Smikky, could ye help me with this 'ere fruit? I dearly lurve fruit, harharr."

      The Pirate Kougra rounded on an Elephante named Mup who was seated in the sparse shade of a palm tree, struggling with a banana. He clumsily struggled to peel the fruit, but it was all for nothing.

      Smikks, or Smikky as Mup liked to call him, scowled at the Pirate Elephante. "Ye 'dearly lurve fruit' eh?" The Pirate Kougra yanked the mashed fruit from Mup's grasp and flung it to the ground. He proceeded to stomp on it with all his might until all that could be seen was a tiny bit of mushy, sand-coated banana peel sticking up from the dune.

      "There, now a banana tree'll grow there," Smikks mocked, feeling very pleased with himself. His smirk quickly turned upside down as he noticed the whole pile of bananas his Elephante companion was shaking down from the tree. "Will ye cease that nonsense, Mup! Here we've been marooned on a deserted island and all ye can think about is yer fruit, ye fathead!"

     Mup apparently received this verbal abuse all the time, for he took no offense. "Well, urm, if we be stranded, don't it make sense ta gather victuals?" he asked sensibly.

      The Kougra couldn't think of a reply. He scowled once more and turned on his heel. "I'm goin' ta go get some wood for a bonfire," he called back, "and there better be some of yer victuals ready when I get back! No more bananas!"

      Mup scratched a large floppy ear. He wished Smikks could be a bit friendlier towards him. After all, Mup was one of the few friends the gruff Kougra had, and Mup knew it. The Pirate Elephante gazed out to watch the turquoise ocean waters stir serenely and he began musing.

      Too bad the crew had disliked Smikky so much. Maybe if he hadn't been so stingy (and stinky) he would have been kept on as first mate. But Captain Kobswall had had enough of the sour Kougra's prickly personality and pure greediness. As a rule, pirates were supposed to be tightfisted, but that didn't mean they kept costly baubles from the captain himself! Kobswall had been livid upon discovering that Smikks was hiding some lovely (and expensive) trinkets for himself; Kobswall had made it clear that all of the ornate loot was to go directly to him. When Mup rushed to Smikks's defense, he was instantly signed into Kobswall's bad books as well. The rest of the crew delighted in the chance of ridding themselves of the unpopular Smikks and the bumbling Mup, so off the Proud Pirakeet the two had gone. Now they were stranded on some island with only each other for company.

      Mup turned his eyes from the sea and ceased his thinking (anyway, Smikky was constantly telling him that it was bad for him).

      "Well, Mup, I s'pose ye better get to gettin' some grub," Mup said aloud. He lumbered into the jungles of the island and soon found himself in an orchard of fruit trees. "Pineapples be soundin' good," he said happily as he looked up at the coconuts that hung in the tree. He took hold of the tree's trunk and shook it as hard as he could. After the tree could take no more shaking, two coconuts (or pineapples, as Mup called them) detached from a branch and fell straight into a bush.

      "YOW!" howled the bush.

      "AAAHH!" screamed Mup.

      Suddenly, a frenzied creature coated with leaves, twigs, and dirt leapt out of the bush with another howl of anguish. "Who did that!!!!" it roared. Mup yelped and ran to hide behind a tree. The creature shook all of the leaves and vegetation off of itself to reveal a flustered, murderous Smikks, sporting a beauty of a bump on his head. "Where's the scalawag that done an' conked me head with that dratted coconut!!"

      Meekly, Mup came out from behind the tree. "Er, twas the tree, Smikky."

      "Mup?" Astonishment (temporarily) replaced Smikks' anger. "What're ye doin' 'ere?"

      "I was gettin' victuals like ye tole me to. What were ye doin' in that bush?" Mup asked curiously.

      "Er, er, collectin' the firewood, acourse! What else would I be doin'?" He rubbed his eyes sleepily. So he'd fallen asleep when he was supposed to be looking for firewood. So what? Having found such a nice, cozy little bush, the ex-first mate had thought it only right that he should doze off for "jus' a bit." A coconut plonking him on his head had definitely not been his idea of the perfect awakening.

      "And why are ye askin' so many questions all of a sudden? Can't a stranded pirate look for 'is firewood where he like? Well?" Smikks demanded.

      "Sure, Smikky, acourse," Mup hastened to agree. "I jus' don't usually search in 'em bushes fer firewood, that's all."

      Smikks growled but did not respond. Instead he said, "Where're them victuals?"

      Mup crinkled his brow. "Erm...hold on, I know the answer ta this…" He tapped his head, immersed in deep thought, with Smikks waiting impatiently.

     "S'not like I asked ye where yer brains got to or anythin'," he grumbled.

     It was at this moment that Mup chose to exclaim, "The bush! The bush! They're in the bush!" He dove into the bush that Smikks had been napping in and withdrew two coconuts, a broad grin on his face. "And look, Smikky, ye were nice enough to open this one with yer noggin!" Mup said brightly as he held out a coconut that had been cracked open, courtesy of Smikks' head.

     Smikks began to turn an interesting shade of purple, which even Mup could recognize as a bad sign. "Erm, Smikky, wassa matter? Now, Smikky, put that stick down.... good, good… wait no, Smikky not the rock! Smikky!" Mup ducked just in time for the rock to zip right over his head. With the two coconuts tucked under each arm, the Elephante fled the orchard with Smikky dashing after him.


     "Mmmm. Yum, yum. Slurp. Crunch. G-"

     "Mup," Smikks growled warningly.

     Mup looked up. "Sorry, Smikky." He continued to eat his coconut half, albeit less noisily. "Smikky?" he said, as he wiped coconut milk off his mouth.

     Smikks grunted from his hammock of leaves. After leaving off his chase of Mup, he and the Elephante had begun to build a makeshift shelter from some smooth, sturdy logs. They'd jammed the logs into the soft beach, leaving an opening for a doorway, and lashed a roof of vines and gargantuan leaves to the top. The rest of the stringy vines had been used to make hammocks for the two of them. They were actually rather efficient landlubbers.

     "Where do ye s'pose we are?" asked Mup.

     Smikks' eyelids were beginning to drift shut. "Mayhaps somewhere near Mystery Island or thereabouts," he estimated.

     "Oh. Smikky?"


     "Are we gonna live here together for the rest of our lives?"

     "Me treasures forbid." Smikks couldn't bear imagining a life on a deserted island with just Mup for company. He'd go berserk, he would.

     "Ah. And Smikky?"

     "What, Mup?" Smikks was beginning to lose his patience.

     "I saw some huts when you was chasin' me. Do ye think we can ask the people who live there fer food? I'd dearly lurve some meat or somethin'." Mup licked his lips.


     "Erm, do those cute little huts mean somethin' then, Smikky?" Mup enquired meekly.

     "WHAT DO YE…oh, never mind." Smikks gave up on it. "Come on, Mup, get yerself up and we'll see if we can steal a boat and get offa this island!"

     "Hold on, Smikky, I'm not finished with me pineapple."

     Smikks snarled so ferociously that Mup hurriedly cast the coconut aside and followed his companion out the doorway.


     Smikks and Mup had reached the clearing where Mup had sighted the huts. They had hidden themselves in the rank grasses and were peering out to see what this village was like.

     "I don't like it, Smikky," Mup whimpered.

     "Shuddup," hissed Smikks, though he shared those sentiments. Everything seemed to be cast in a dangerous shadow. A deathly silence filled the area, with not even a Weewoo's song to break it. The dull, primitive little huts were archaic and several were falling apart to the point of being uninhabitable. A foreboding temple stood at the edge of the clearing, and Smikks was sure whatever supreme being it had been built in honor of was not a pleasant one. The worst part though, was the skulls. There were cracked skulls scattered all over the place as if they'd been used for some kind of grotesque decoration. The whole place had an eerie, gloomy aura about it.

     "W-well, c'mon, Mup." Smikks got to his feet and discovered that his legs were shaking.

     Mup shook his head vigorously. "N-never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever-"

     Smikks shushed him suddenly. "I saw somethin'." He craned his neck to see if he could spot whatever shadowy form was lurking about.

     "Tis a ghostie," Mup whined.

     "Will you sh-wait! Scard?"

     "Yes, I'm scared all right, Smikky, and I wanna leave and-"

     "No, ye oafish Elephante, it's Scard! Scard of the Black Dubloon! Hie, Scard!" He waved frantically at the figure that his keen eyes had discerned. The huge figure hurried over to the two of them, until Mup, too, recognized the burly Pirate Lupe. With his flashing golden eyes and toothy smirk, Scard was a fearful sight to most who happened to meet him. But he shared Smikks' insatiable desire for loot and thought Mup was a riot, making him, odd as it was, their friend.

     Scard grinned at them. "Smikks! And Mup! Well, bless me! What're you two rascals doin' on Mystery Island?"

     Smikks eyes nearly fell out of his head at this bit of news. "What! We thought we were on some lost, forsaken island!"

     "Aye," Mup added.

     Scard began to laugh his deafening, booming laugh, tossing his head back in mirth. "Forsaken island? Of course not! Who told ye that?" asked the Lupe.

     Smikks related his account of what had happened on the ship and how they'd been deposited on what they'd been told was a deserted island. Scard frowned. "That stupid, big-bellied Kobswall don't know nothin' about nothin.' What harm would be done if he was short a few measly baubles?" Smikks nodded earnestly, glad to have someone who agreed with him.

     "Well," said Scard, "Kobswall told ye wrong, mebbe because he was comin' back fer ye or mebbe because he couldn't find a close deserted island. Yer at Mystery Island and in the haunted area too: Geraptiku." Smikks and Mup shivered in unison. They'd heard tales of this "ghost village" and instantly longed to desert it as soon as possible. "Aye," agreed Scard when he saw them quake, "s'not me favorite place neither. But I did hear that there was some treasure ta be found here and I jumped at that."

     "I'm not feelin' too keen on explorin' it right now," Smikks said, as he cast his eyes about fearfully. "Do ya think you could take us ta the port so we c'n get ourselves a boat?"

     "A boat!" cried Scard. "Don't ye worry about that, now. Me ole cap'n would love ta have ye two as part of the crew. Aye, yer good with yer paws and wits…" He stopped and looked at Mup. "Or yer paws at least."

     Mup nodded sagaciously.

     "Do ya really think so?" asked Smikks earnestly. The Black Dubloon was a fine, swift beauty of vessel, one he'd be happy to sail. Oh, what joy to become a part of its crew.

     Scard grinned at the two of them, showing all his shining, jagged teeth. "Would yer honest ole Scard ever lie ta you two, mates?"

     Mup frowned in thought. "Aye, I think so."

     Smikks bashed Mup severely upside the head. "Tis a joke, nitwit!" Turning to Scard he clapped the Lupe on the back. "Lead on, matey!"

     With a rush of huzzahs the trio set off (taking a route around Geraptiku, instead of through it) towards Mystery Island port with the endless seas and the Black Dubloon eagerly awaiting them.

The End

Author's Note: Feedback, me hearties. Arr.

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