An Interview With a Game Hero: a Certain Alien Aisha
Hello! This is Nut, novice interviewer, signing in! I’m here in Tyrannia today
to, I hope, solve some of the questions that have been running through the minds
of game players across Neopia. There’s a certain new game called Magma Blaster
that, while being a very fun game with good payout, leaves many things unanswered.
I decided to see if I could find out some inside information straight from the
game’s own hero, an Alien Aisha.
So here I stand, inside of the Magma Blaster control center alongside this
certain Alien Aisha, looking out on the rocky land below. Straight ahead of
me is a large volcano, with boiling magma playfully oozing out of the top of
the cone, and brightly colored lava rocks spouting out of the mouth of the volcano
almost rhythmically. At the base of the volcano, five Tyrannian villagers run
back and forth in an orderly line. From the control center, the Alien Aisha
is firing his laser at each lava rock to harmlessly blow it up. With this as
the setting, I began interviewing the Alien Aisha.
Nut: Hello! Thank you for the honor of interviewing you today, Mr. –
Alien Aisha: *startled* You’re going to interview me?
Nut: Yes, if you don’t mind, Mr. –
Alien Aisha: *presses button on control center* *speaks into hidden microphone*
A Neopian life form has invaded my blaster center and is demanding to interview
Hidden Speaker: *crackle* Let it interview you, but be on the alert. Do not
reveal any information that could be used against us, but satisfy the Neopian’s
curiosity. We want to maintain good terms with Neopia.
Alien Aisha: Roger. Over and out.
Nut: Umm…Mister…er, what’s your name?
Alien Aisha: I am here incognito and do not wish to disclose personal information
at this time.
Nut: Oh, I understand. What should I call you, then?
Alien Aisha: Uh…what have you been calling me thus far?
Nut: “Alien Aisha”.
Alien Aisha: Continue to do so, then.
Nut: Oh, come on. There are so many game players who are dying to know your
name! If I could get it published in the Neopian Times, it would be a huge hit.
Alien Aisha: Er…perhaps your readers would be satisfied to know my initials.
You may call me A.A.
Nut: *to self* Ooh! I got a valuable piece of information! Whee! His initials
are AA…what could that stand for? Albert Alien? Andrew Aisha? This is going
to be great for spreading rumors!
AA: These Neopians are such simple folk…perhaps I don’t need to worry about
Nut: Anyway, back to the interview. The first question is…where are you from?
AA: Outer space, of course.
Nut: Right, of course. So what are you doing in Tyrannia?
AA: It is purely for diplomatic reasons. Our Alien Aisha ambassador wanted
to make sure that Neopia respects us and deals with us in a friendly manner,
and what better way to ensure that than to come and save a few lives?
Nut: That’s smart. Did you volunteer for this dangerous mission, or were you
chosen as the most skilled alien for the job?
AA: I volunteered. It was such an easy way to become a hero. I hardly even
have to do anything. All these Neopians come and shoot the lava rocks for me
all day long, and then I get the credit as being the game’s hero.
Nut: I see. Could you give me some details on how your laser blaster works?
AA: I’m afraid it’s top-secret Alien Aisha technology. I can’t tell you.
Nut: I have to wonder, though, why your blaster is tuned exactly to the six
types of rocks that shoot out of this particular volcano. How could you know
what the rocks would look like? Or can your blaster shift to match any kind
of rock coming from any volcano anywhere?
AA: It’s a very complicated device. You wouldn’t understand.
Nut: *eager* I’m sure I would! Tell me!
AA: Well, the blaster takes in 125,348 fibrons of raw magmateous energy every
second, and it feeds the resulting 10,899 zapatrons into the central lavrunic
heater, which expels the energy in a blast of concentrated bouldeous power.
Simply put, 125,348 = x energy - .825 + 3.008 1(280) 3.566 = 23,850 . 10,899
Nut: *blinks* Um, right. I get it.
AA: I hope the Alien Aisha terminology didn’t confuse you.
Nut: Um, no, not at all. Moving on…
AA: *to self* I knew I could divert that question.
Nut: Next question. How long did it take you Alien Aishas to invent the magma
AA: Oh, it was quite simple for us technologically advanced aliens. It is a
very new device, however, and I am proud to have the honor of using one of the
first blasters in existence.
Nut: What gave your inventors the idea to make a laser that destroys lava rocks?
AA: It seemed like a cool idea for a new gadget. Mainly we invented it for
fun; using it to save the Tyrannians from an active volcano was a bonus.
Nut: Really, though, it seems like sort of an inefficient way of saving five
pets. Couldn’t you just go down and tell the Tyrannians to get away from the
AA: Where’s the heroism in that? There’s no glory in issuing an evacuation
Nut: I guess not.
AA: Besides, have you ever tried to tell something to a Tyrannian? *sniffs*
I’d have an easier time shattering a rock than I would getting a message through
their thick heads.
Nut: And, in fact, you make a point of shattering rocks.
AA: Correct. Why do you think I used that as a comparison?
Nut: Oh. Um…next question. How is it that the volcano doesn’t burn the Tyrannian
villagers? I would think that the heat would be hurting them after so much time
and the pools of magma would scorch them.
AA: *proudly* The Alien Aishas are the reason why the Tyrannians are able to
prance around the base of the volcano like this. We projected an invisible energy
shield all around the volcano and over the ground so that the lava cannot possibly
hurt them. The villagers are in danger from only one thing: the magma rocks.
Nut: Wow, that’s amazing. If you could do all that to protect the Tyrannians
from the erupting volcano, why didn’t you just put up a shield to keep the rocks
from hitting them, too?
AA: It’s much more impressive to shoot the rocks. You can be sure that no one
would even care if we just put a shield around the whole thing, but shooting
rocks seems more like active participation. Sure, it might be a little more
dangerous for the Tyrannians, but it looks a lot more heroic.
Nut: Wait a minute. You’re saying that blasting lava rocks really isn’t necessary
and is basically just for show? You could protect the Tyrannians more efficiently
and save more lives, but you instead choose to put them in danger so that you
can look good?
AA: Er, no! Not at all! *gulps* These Neopians are smarter than I thought…I
must be on my guard…
Nut: *triumphant* Don’t try to hide it, Mr. A.A. I knew all along that this
was a clever scheme so that you could get in the spotlight. Why don’t you just
admit that you blast lava rocks to nurse your own petty pride?
AA: No! No! *to self* This is terrible! If word gets out about this, my mission
to Neopia will have failed completely!
Nut: No? Then why don’t you tell us the real reason you blast rocks?
AA: I blast rocks because…because I want to give all the Neopians a chance
to have fun playing a great game so they can win lots of Neopoints! That’s exactly
why I blast rocks!
Nut: Oh. Well, that’s a good reason. Come to think of it, I haven’t played
Magma Blaster three times today yet. Mind if I take the controls?
AA: Go ahead. *dashes out of the control center* That was close…I’m never letting
any Neopian interview me again…
So there you have it. The answers to many questions circulating around this
great new game, straight from the Alien Aisha’s mouth! Now maybe you'll wonder
a bit less while playing this great new game...
*zaps magma rock*