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Sloth: True Neopian Story

by uggazew


Nothing says Neopets like Fyora or the Space Faerie, Right? Wrong! While you may see these so-called heroes on young Neopians’ walls, and occasionally giving away fantastic rewards in return for quests, no one will ever be a symbol of the greatness that is Neopia like our good friend and evil menace Doctor Frank Sloth. He does so much for Neopia that it is sometimes hard to remember everything. Don’t you worry, though; I will be sure to remind you.

Let’s start off with Sloth’s incredible kindness to those ungrateful little miscreants known as Grundos. Not only did he get them off of their horrible home planet and provided them with jobs and food, but he also gave them education. Grundos will never be very smart, but what they do know they owe to Dr. Frank Sloth. As far as these rumors of Sloth using them as some sort of evil slaves, I see this as a simple misconception of the truth. Grundos didn’t get to the point they are at now by playing Advert Attack all day. Sometimes a few extra chores can be great to build character. I believe the Grundo Independence Event was nothing more than a huge misunderstanding. It is great to see that a few of Sloth’s former minions are now returning to him. It is nice that some are thankful for what the doctor has done for them.

As if this great act of charity wasn’t enough, let’s look at another reason that Dr. Sloth is the greatest Neopian of all time. Have you ever heard of the Happiness Faerie? Well, while you may not know it, this is an alter ego of Sloth himself. If Sloth wants one thing for all Neopians, it is happiness. He tries to help everybody out, even at the expense of his own pride. For you, he will put on wings and prance around like one of those crazy faeries that you see around Neopia all the time. This is an important thing to remember about Sloth, not many others care for you enough to do such a thing. What a guy, right? So next time you see the Happiness Faerie be sure to take note of how much the Doctor cares for you.

Sometimes heroes can be defined by what kind of impact they have on Neopia. This can be one of those cases. Absolutely no one has had more of a lasting affect on our little planet than Sloth. He has made a company that has redefined the face of all Neopia. Virtupets is the biggest juggernaut to be produced to date. With millions of Neopoints in liquid funds and billions more of property and inventory, this company alone is enough to make Sloth a hero. The company is set on a space station in the Neopian sky. I am sure that you have visited it at one time or another. With food shops, petpets, and even a Grundo adoption agency, Neopia wouldn’t be the same without it. So things may be a little pricey, and there may be a few Neopoint pits like that lever we’ve all pulled a few times. Sloth has to make neopoints just like the rest of us; it doesn’t take away from the good he does.

Still not convinced of Sloth’s hero status? Well I have a reason that you won’t be able to resist. We all love to collect avatars, right? Well, do you know who made the first avatar? If not, look at whose picture is on it. It is none other than the great doctor himself. Sloth presented the idea of avatars to the Neopet’s Team years ago, and he is often skipped when the time to give credit comes around. Sloth doesn’t complain about it, however, he just lets Neopets take credit for his brilliant idea. Sloth is such a team player, isn’t he? You should definitely remember this the next time you go to the Neoboards. Nobody cares about you like Sloth.

Now I know what you are thinking, he can’t have any more reasons. Well, you are wrong, my friend, because I have plenty of reasons that aren’t listed. Have you ever heard of a little game called Advert Attack? Well, even though it is a game making Sloth look like a Neopoint craving monster, Sloth still allows Neopets to use his face and name free of charge. Now that takes a real hero. By giving those rights, you receive more Neopoints from the game. He even gave you an avatar for the game. He really gives more than we will ever know.

What about robots? Ever had a robot petpet or alarm system on your Neohome? Well, none of those things would be possible without the genius technological mind of the doctor. He singlehandedly provides you and everyone else in Neopia with robotic assistance in every phase of their lives that they desire help. From the lab ray to petpet paint brushes, robots are everywhere thanks to our good friend, Dr. Frank Sloth. Dr. Zappy at the lab ray also deserves a little credit for the lab ray, but this isn’t his article.

One last reason, as if you really need it, to make Sloth your new hero is his groovy hairstyle. Not many Neopians could pull off the spiky green hairstyle that the doctor has made his own. If you are a fashion guru like me, you are sure to notice the effectiveness of his “do” to accentuate skin tone and facial features. Another awesome feature to his appearance is his super awesome black lab jacket. It is so shiny that your eyes can’t help but get lost in the stylishness. Many others have tried to pull off this look, but as I’ve said, it’s not easy to do. His trend setting proves that he is not afraid to be himself, which is a sure sign of a leader, and nothing says hero like being a leader.

So, as you can see, nothing is more obvious than the fact that Sloth is the biggest hero in the history of Neopia. Sloth should be loved, not hated. He should be respected, not envied. Next time you see Sloth, thank him for being so great because he does it for you. So let’s all say it one time for the road, HAIL SLOTH!

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