An Interview With the Humble Red Negg
After another frustrating hour of playing the all-popular Meerca Chase 2, my mind
began to wonder about those always-seen Red Neggs. I had quite a few questions
to ask these Red Neggs – and had anyone ever been brave enough to do it? No!
But I wasn’t either.
So, I decided, grabbing my Neopian Times notebook, quill and mug, it was about
time someone interviewed a Negg. Maybe not a Red Negg, but yellow, fish, or
silver was good, right? Of course we couldn’t interview a green Negg, they were
always too sick to do much anyway, poor things.
It took two days to finally get that Meerca to stop eating all of the Neggs
– boy, does he have one huge appetite – because he said it was his job. I said
I didn’t care, I needed a Negg. Then we got into a big fight and I managed to
grab a Negg on my way out. (They were dragging me – I’d only tried to poke the
Meerca in the eye, nothing serious.)
So, I looked at the Negg I had. It was Yellow, and it had a bite out of it
– a spork was lying to the side of the bite. The spork was poked into the Negg,
though. It wasn’t a magically floating spork, people. Stop imagining these crazy
Interview With Yellow and Bitten Negg
Me: Hello, Mr. Negg! How are you?
Negg: -rolls over in a bored way-
Me: Good! So, shall we get on with it?
Negg: -stares blankly, leaves on head slump-
Me: Okay, then, Mr. I’m-Not-Going-To-Talk-Negg. Be that way! See if I care!
I figured that, by this time, Mr. Negg was in no mood for talking to an amazingly
brilliant, wonderful and spork-loving NT reporter such as myself, but optimism
was needed in this frustrating and terrible time. I scribbled down what Mr.
Negg had said – I mean, done – with much annoyance and regret, and decided I’d
try to interview a Red Negg.
Was I brave enough? No! But someone really needed to do this, for the good
of all Neopians, purple or not. The cliché response was that I did it, so following
the groans of many poor souls who are reading this, I, Comett the brave, set
forward on my quest to tame a red Negg.
Interview With Very Nice, Truthful and Wonderful Red Negg
Me: Um, Mr. Red Negg, um, I was wondering if you’d be so kind as to… Have an
Negg: Why, of course, you mere mortal human – Oh, I mean, wonderful Neopian
Times person! *smile* I am very happy to…
(It was very clear that this Negg was a friendly type; his smile was so genuine,
it almost looked like a grimace! Amazing, hmm? Such a friendly little fellow.)
Me [interrupting]: Right, um, thanks. So, why can you talk if the other Neggs
Negg: WHAT?!? YOU CONVERSED WITH THOSE EVIL YELLOW NEGGS?
Me: What? I’m sorry! But… Evil?
Negg: Yes. It was a cold and fatal night, of wild and rain and hail and wind.
And rain, I said that, didn’t I?
Me: Yes, but please do continue.
Negg: Well, as I said, it was a night of rain and wind and hail and wind. Us
Red Neggs spent hours building a fire and shelter for our endangered Negginess,
but then… The Yellow Neggs came.
Negg: Yes, I know, mere mortal human. It was terrible! They took our fire and
cooked their own leaved with it. We were left to die. So, we decided we would
eat snow! And that made us turn red.
Me: How could snow turn you red?
Negg: Oh, I don’t know. Some chemical thing, probably.
Me: Oh, okay! Mr. Negg, I have another question. Why did you decide to work
in Meerca Chase, and how do you feel of being avoided all the time?
Negg: *bursts into tears*
Me: It’s okay, Mr. Negg. We’re here to listen.
Negg: Well, the Yellow Neggs stole our food and we needed funds, so we decided
we really needed to get work to keep ourselves alive! But… little did we know,
we would be RUINED. IGNORED. NOT CARED ABOUT.
At this point, the Negg asked that I say no more to the public, as he was too
upset. But any good reporter ignores things like that, so I can tell you roughly
what he said. He said that the Neggs felt very hurt that they were never eaten
themselves, no matter how much they popped up or surrounded Yellow Neggs or
got in the way of the Meerca – it was totally unfair, they all thought.
After you have read this moving and truthful and incredibly mind-opening article,
I have one question to ask each and every one of YOU people who thought that
they once disliked these wonderful Neggs…
HOW could you treat Red Neggs in such a terrible way? They do not wish to take
over the world, they just need love and care like Fish Neggs get too much. If
I were you, I would be ASHAMED. Red Neggs deserve so much more than the occasional
So, next time you see a Negg walking down the street – if it’s red – give it
a hug! Neggs like hugs. Even more so if they’re red. Mr. Negg told me. The second
one, that is. The first – being yellow – was just horrible and mean and shouldn’t
even have been included in this article if I didn’t need to add more words!
Now, thank you, you mere Neopian mortal people things. Those Neggs are not
so bad after all, as you have just been shown with very scientific and real
evidence that everyone should follow, believe and bow to. This is Comett, reporting
(In background red Negg proceeds to blast everyone with ray gun, cackling evilly
and crying out something sounding like ‘take that you mere mortal human things!’)
Um, please ignore that.
All people – and, of course, Neggs – have bad days.