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Of Bluff Cake

by lavamitten


"Hey, guys! Want to taste test my Peanut Butter Jelly Bean Deluxe cake?" Lavamitten questioned as she heaved a cake into the kitchen. Lavamitten, our owner, plunked a dark brown cake with jellybeans cascading out of it onto the kitchen table. Each and every one of us pets exchanged horrified expressions. "Zhilshe? Do you want to test it?" She queried hopefully.

      The goldenrod-yellow Kougra rolled her eyes in thought, "…No…I can't. Mynci Volleyball Game today! Sorry, Lava! Got to go!" Zhilshe scampered across the bamboo-patterned tile and raced out of the Neohome in clear relief.

      Lavamitten spun around to face the shaggy crimson Lupe, "Kekio? Do you want to-"

      Kekio cut her off, "Nope! I'm going to squirt the Bread Master with my squirt gun!" Kekio stroked his water gun affectionately as a wicked gleam began to twinkle in his eye.

      "What was that, Kekio?" I inquired Kekio allowed, smirking a bit. He was busted! Lava crossed her arms and arched an eyebrow.

      Kekio hesitated and then voiced quite calmly, "Did I say squirt the Bread Master? I meant donate to the Money Tree…Um…See yah!" And with that, Kekio dashed out of the doorway, his water gun clutched in his paws. I gave an exasperated sigh and shook my head at Kekio's behavior. My attention focused back on Lava.

      Lava's face began to look a little dejected. "Shoyoko?"

      The little lime-green Shoyru shook her head quickly, "No! No, no, no, no, no! No!" Ever since Shoyoko had tried some of Lava's Lime, Syrup, and Chicken Casserole, Shoyoko refused to devour anything Lava had conjured up. She hopped down off her booster seat and glided over to the staircase where she could go into her room and play with her Usukis.

      Her bottom lip by now was trembling like a Feepit, "Jakalo?" My eyes widened and my whip-like Gelert ears drooped. Her eyes were practically pleading and begging me to try one little bite. I really didn't want to even consume one little morsel of that monstrous cake. Then again I didn't want to hurt her feelings…I moaned and scooted the cake towards me with a paw. Her whole face lit up like a Flightning Bug and she leered at me with anticipation.

      I stabbed my fork and plucked a fragment off the cake. Beads of sweat formed on my brow and I elevated it to my mouth. I could feel Lava's anxious stare looming down on me. I poked the cake into my mouth and suddenly felt woozy. My pale-blue fur stood on end and my stomach gurgled, threatening to force the cake back up. It was heavy with peanut butter, making it difficult to even open your mouth! Add the little jellybeans onto that; it was the worst tasting stuff in Neopia! It gave off a similar flavor like the Dragonbuds I had once nibbled on in a neighbor's garden when I was just a pup.

      "Do you love it?" Lava inquired me, voice high-pitched with enthusiasm.

      I quickly gulped the slip of cake down and gasped for air, "Y-yes, it was great!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing! I, Jakalo1, had made his first lie ever!

      She cheered in a singsong voice, "Wheee! That means I can enter it in Amateur Gourmet Chef contest!" She plucked the fire-patterned oven mitts from her hands and beamed in pride.

      "WHAT?" I shouted, throwing my paws into the air.

      She gazed at me with an eyebrow arched.

      "I-I mean…I'd really like to know what you are talking about." I corrected myself promptly.

      "See, I decided to enter the Amateur Gourmet Chef contest with my Peanut Butter Jelly Bean Deluxe cake. Since you seem to like it so much, I'm going through with it!" She informed me, setting the cake on the counter with a dull thud. Oh great! Was I in deep sludge! That cake was the most horrid food I had ever set teeth on and she was going to enter it in that contest?

      "Oh, well…See, there's something you should know-…" I started but was interrupted by Lava.

      "Oh, Jak! You're the first person--I mean pet to test my cookery and honestly tell me it was good eating! Thanks a bunch, old buddy!" She gushed, ruffling my fur.

      I moaned and hung my head. How could I tell her that cake was a monstrosity now?


Dear Kenaxxx_2001,

      My friend is in a very deep Pile of Dung! His owner baked an atrocious cake and he was forced to try some! It was awful with a capital A, but he said it was good and now she's entering it in a contest! What should he do?

Your Best Pal,


      "SHOYOKO!" I bellowed. Shoyoko winged into my room and plopped down at my paws.

      "Yeah, Jak?" she replied, clutching onto her Snowball Usuki, Mandy.

      "Deliver this Neomail to Kenaxxx_2001 on Safari Lane, Mystery Island," I commanded, passing my Neomail to the Shoyru youngster.

      She moaned, "But Mandy was just about to defeat the Scarf at Snow Wars." She held her Usuki in the air.

      "You can help Mandy defeat the Scarf after you deliver this Neomail," I assured her.

      "I guess so…" she mumbled and trudged upstairs to her flight runway. I gnawed on my blue bouncy ball and waited on Shoyoko. I could just imagine Kena now, ginger-orange, midnight-black striped, silken fur…She was my best buddy…For a Kougra that is…She always knew what to do! Around ten minutes later, Shoyoko glided into my room with a Neomail.

Dear Jakalo1,

      Stop talking hypothetically! I've known you long enough to know you're talking about yourself! Why not just tell Lavamitten the truth?

Your Kougra Friend,


      I snatched up a piece of paper and jotted something down.

Dear Kenaxxx_2001,

      I can't! I'm afraid I might hurt her feelings! Kena, haven't you ever been in a situation like mine?

Your Furry Blue friend,


      Shoyoko grabbed the Neomail and flew off without protest. She arrived minutes later, panting as she flopped onto the floor.

Dear Jakalo1,

      Um…nope! Okay, I'll see you later! I've got a hot date with some Spicy Chicken Wings! Got to go!

Your Furry Striped Pal,


      I flopped onto my bed and heaved a sigh. Well, Kena wasn't much help. "Can I go…kick the…Scarf's scarf now?" Shoyoko questioned in between panting.

      "Sure, go," I grumbled crossly. My Uggatrip, Spiko, scrambled onto the bed and curled up on my chest in contentment. "Oh, Spiko. I guess I'll just have to tell the truth. Either that or the contest judges get really bad food poisoning." I murmured to him, stroking his scaly forehead. My eyelids sluggishly sagged as I worried myself to a restless slumber…


      "Rise and shine, dear Gelert of mine!" Lava's voice broke into my mind and stole my dreams like an Aisha at the National Neopian Bank. These dreams weren't missed, however. They all had to do with that foul cake.

      "Huh?" I babbled as my eyes fluttered open to focus on a blissful owner.

      "Want to come with me to the big Amateur Gourmet Chef contest and watch me win, Jaky boy?"

      I suddenly jolted awake, "WHAT? It's today?"

      Lava arched an eyebrow yet again, "Well…Yeah. Want to come?"

      "YES!" I shouted, tossing my covers and sheets off my bed.

      Lava arched another eyebrow (again with those archy eyebrows) and then shrugged, "Well, come downstairs then. Nobody else seems to want to go. I can't imagine why, though."


      I pondered on just what to do when we arrived at the contest as we strolled through the dirt roads of Neopia Central. Oh, why didn't I just tell the truth earlier? I thought to myself. I know! I'll say NOOO just as the cake touches the lips of the judges. Yeah, yeah, add some drama, that's good…then I'll explain to Lava why she should've never entered the contest. Oh, I hope it's as easy to do as it to think it up.

      "We're here!" Lava's jolly voice popped my thoughts like a Faerie Bubble. I gulped as we trudged into the clearing by the Wishing Well.

      I took in my surroundings, "Well, where's the contest?"

      Lava frowned, "Right here."

      I took a quick look around, "Well, where are the judges? And the other contestants?"

      "Well, nobody else entered but me and the judges are over there," she explained promptly. She ambled over to a Pet Rock, Zafara Plushie, and a cluster of balloons.

      "Those are the judges?" I questioned her skeptically.

      She nodded, "Yep!" She tore a clump of the Peanut Butter Jellybean Deluxe cake and dropped it onto each of the inanimate judges. She watched them for a while, silent as a Miamouse at midnight. Next she stood up and plopped behind them. She scooped up three cards that sat before the judges and scribbled something down on them. Then she rushed back over to her previous spot and beamed with pleasure.

      "The judges have agreed! I get a perfect ten! See, just look at the scores they gave me!" she squealed. I glanced down at the little cards that each rested at the judges feet…if they had any. Each card had a muddled ten scribbled on them. Lava shrieked in excitement and plucked a little plastic trophy off the ground and hugged it to her chest, beaming with delight. Suddenly it dawned on me! There really was no contest! My childish owner had just pretended to win a trophy! And I had been worried over nothing! Oh well, at least next time I knew to tell the truth right away before it gets out of hand!


      The Pet Rock gagged in disgust once the Gelert and his owner had left, "That was the worst cake I have ever tasted!"

      The Zafara plushie nodded in agreement, scraping its tongue with a paw, "You said it!"

The End

Author's Note: Special thanx to salemxxx for letting me use Kena in the story. And thanx to ashes1116 and kou_yaten_starlite.

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