The Mystery of Interest
Ever wonder where that money-grubbing, bank-managing Skeith earns all those extra
Neopoints to pay everyone daily interest? Well, right here, right now, it is time
for him to be exposed. There are many theories as to where your little daily incentive
to use his bank comes from. I will discuss each of them here, and maybe we will
even be able to sneak in an interview with the friendly fellow, but don’t get
your hopes up. He is very unpredictable after all.
Well, one of the most popular theories, and one of the oldest in all Neopia,
is that he plays games to earn the Neopoints. There have been countless reports
of Neopians seeing the Mean Green Eating Machine running from arcade to arcade
playing games all day to earn the millions of points needed to pay interest
to all of the accounts at the National Neopian Bank. Of the recorded witness
accounts, his most played games are Hungry Skeith and Dubloon Disaster. My most
trustworthy witness, the Better Than You Kyrii, informs me that when he loses,
he often shouts the phrase, “I almost had it that time!” out of frustration
with not beating the game. “Although,” says the Kyrii, “nearly all of the games
he plays have no end!” So, does the Skeith receive enough Neopoints to pay Neopia’s
entire interest bill? This reporter says, “No.” While I am sure the amount earned
from games pays quite a bit, I see no evidence him being able to win that many
points from games alone.
A newer theory has recently developed regarding the shady Skeith’s involvement
in the activities of the ghosts and bug brothers. While both the ghosts and
Bug Brothers refused an interview at this time, it seems clear to me that not
all of the Neopoints stolen from wonderful Neopians like you end up on the Money
Tree. I would like to point out that there is no evidence to this theory; it
is purely rumor. The rumor is as follows: the Neopian National Bank’s own hired
the Bug Brothers and a good many of the ghosts to steal Neopoints from unsuspecting
Neopians and bring them back to the Skeith. In return, the Skeith allegedly
pledged to give both the accomplices an expensive room at the Neopian Inn and
an unlimited supply of chocolate from the Chocolate Factory. This rumor is also
supported by the fact that both the Chocolate Factory and the Neopian Inn have
accounts at the National Neopian Bank. The Neopian Inn has refused all interview
attempts, but we did manage a short interview with the Chocolate Factory Kiko.
I asked him if he had any knowledge of this rumor, and had any comment regarding
his assumed participation in this scandal. He said, and I quote, “All I ever
do is sell Chocolate. Chocolate Lupes, Chocolate Kyriis, Chocolate Jetsams,
they are all good sellers. I love selling them, and people loving buying them.
I know nothing of this so-called scandal; I only know chocolate.” So there you
have it. The Chocolate Factory Kiko also denies even knowing the Skeith on more
than an acquaintance basis, which clears his name in this reporter’s opinion.
In light of this new development, I have to deem this theory completely false.
Another theory involves the use of the Wishing Well as a bank cover-up to earn
Neopoints to pay Neopians like you their daily interest. This rumor suggests
that the Wishing Well is, in fact, simply a long tunnel running straight to
the safe of the National Neopian Bank. How can we test this theory, you ask?
Well, my beloved Ixi, Gentlest, had a great idea. To fully test this theory
Gentlest tied a string to his petpet Scarabug and allowed him to inspect what
lay within for us. When he emerged, he sat silently on the ground beside Gentlest.
What do you expect? Petpets can’t talk, you silly goose. So that idea was utterly
useless, but we all learned a great lesson, didn’t we? I still had faith in
the idea, however, so I sent off shortly after for a Virtupets Video Recording
Machine, and then repeated the procedure with the Video Recorder in the place
of Gentlest’s precious Scarabug. Our results were quite shocking. They revealed
that this rumor, just as the others, was false. I know what you are wondering.
What is at the bottom of the Wishing Well? I can’t tell. It is far too shocking
for normal Neopians to know. That, however, isn’t the point of the article.
The point is that this rumor is false, and the question of where the interest
at the National Neopian comes from remains.
My last theory was questionable from the second I heard it. It has very deep
traces with some of Neopia’s shadiest characters. The roots run deep with villains
with the names of Sloth and Jhudora. According to the rumor, on the dawn of
Neopian time, the bank Skeith knew that being able to produce interest for his
bank would be more than difficult for even the thriftiest of Neopians. He immediately
began seeking a way to produce masses of Neopoints within small amounts of time.
What did he do, you ask? He sided with Sloth, and Sloth helped him to make a
robot duo to infiltrate Neopians’ trust and earn loads of points. While Sloth
could build the frames, a simple robot could never do the things needed to complete
his plan, he needed magic. Jhudora agreed to help, and made the robots easy
to function, and lovable to the public. Want to know who the rumor says they
are? Sure you do! It says the robots are none other than the Igloo Garage Sale
Duo of Mika and Carassa. I know what you are thinking; they are way too lovable
to be robots. That is what I thought too. I managed to get a few words with
Jhudora. About the alleged relations with the bank Skeith, Jhudora said the
following, “I would never help that chubby little asparagus puff. He won’t even
upgrade my account from being a Junior Saver. In fact, I think I have a new
spell to cast.” Sounds like that disproves the theory to me. Don’t you agree?
Well, I’m all out of theories. I do, however, have a very interesting interview
with the Neopian National Manager himself. When asked about the whole situation,
the Skeith had this to say; “You should have asked me about it to begin with.
I would be happy to explain exactly where I get the Neopoints to pay interest
to all of my wonderful clients. No, I don’t play games, bribe famous Neopian
images, or even set up elaborate tricks to bring in the interest points. How
I get the Neopoints is very simple really. I just…” What? You think I will let
him tell you after I did all this research? Okay, fine. “ I just make more Neopoints
when I run out. Who do you think makes them after all? I have the only bank
in Neopia, so I thought it would fine if I just made a few every once in a while.
Sorry for the inconvenience.”
Well, I guess that explains it. So all of you listening to the rumors, here
you have the truth. The National Neopian Skeith neither earns nor steals Neopoints
so he can pay interest. He just makes more. While I must admit, the ending is
a little unfulfilling, I guess the truth sometimes is. I would like everyone
to know that the bank manager seems very nice, and deserves our respect. All
(The Opinions of Sloth do not necessarily reflect that of Neopets or any member
of The Neopets Team. Wait, this isn’t from Sloth… Of course not.)
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