The Pants Dance
So, there’s this nasty little villain that prowls about – we’ve all heard of him,
but do we dare mention his name? For all we know, he could be lurking nearby,
ready to move in. This infamous villain could be considered quite popular – or
unpopular, depending on whom you ask. If I haven’t made myself obvious with the
title and description, the creature I speak of is the Pant Devil. Sure, he’s been
written about hundreds of times, but this one’s different, I assure you. See,
it’s not quite about him; rather, it’s about you and how you can work this Pant
Devil to your advantage.
It’s probably something we’ve all thought of, especially since that spiffy
Taunt the Pant Devil avatar came out. So, where’s the taunting? I’m sure many
of you have taken a whack at Mr. Pant Devil in the Battledome, using whatever
method you can in order to win. Does revenge work? Do you actually get your
beloved items back? For those of us who have had an encounter with this blue
robber, we know the battle merely serves as a channel for our anger.
Allow me to pose some more rhetorical questions. Why does the Pant Devil steal?
Why does he hold a flag depicting underpants? To taunt you, of course. This
is how you must fight him. Not by whipping Sticky Snowballs at him, but fighting
fire with fire – er, taunt with taunt. Sure, those with the avatar may have
the Neopoints to taunt the guy, but we’re too cool for the avatar, aren’t we?
We’re going for the real deal, here. I now present you with a step-by-step guide
on how to effectively taunt the Pant Devil.
1. Ever notice that the Pant Devil has no legs? Now think of his name, and
the flag of underpants he carries. Both pants and underpants require one to
have legs, which the sneaky thief doesn’t have. Go ahead and laugh at him. Tell
him you pity the fact that he has to steal items in order to compensate.
2. Steal his pants. Oh, wait, he doesn’t have any. In that case, steal his
flag. He’s nothing without it.
3. Hold a Disco Paint Brush right in front of him. You know he wants to steal
it, since it’s very valuable. As he nears, do not withdraw the brush. Wait until
he comes closer, closer, closer, and…SPLASH! Whoops, I’m sure you didn’t mean
to throw the brush at him! *cough* Sure, you’re short a Disco Paint Brush, but
isn’t it worth it to see the Pant Devil immersed in a colourful spray of bright
pink, neon yellow, and large print flowers?
4. Brandish your new Pant Devil Piñata when he approaches you. Given that the
Pant Devil is so narcissistic, he’ll stop and drool at the piñata as if it were
his very self. Take this opportunity to get a big stick and whack the stuffings
out of that piñata. The mixed look of shock and horror on his face will amuse
you, indeed. Sorry, but this particular piñata does not contain any candy. This
is to reflect the fact that the Pant Devil is most definitely not sweet.
5. Fill your inventory with Dung. Nothing too fancy, just regular ol’ dung,
preferably at least a week old. When you see the Pant Devil, feign fright and
act as if you’d die if he stole any of your precious items. This clever use
of reverse psychology will further entice him, and he’ll swoop into your inventory.
Be prepared to cackle like Edna when the Pant Devil flees only to find he’s
holding nothing more than a big, stinky pile of dung.
6. Buy him a pair of polka dot pants, or at least some underpants. This is
more of an act of sympathy, and doesn’t really work to taunt him, although,
it would get him quite a bit upset.
7. Purchase a Pant Devil Balloon and pop it. Then watch him cry like a little
baby. It’s fun!
8. Now, there’s already a Pant Devil Lunch Box, but let’s put a spin on it.
Trap the Pant Devil and put him in a box, locking it once he’s in. Next, inform
your Lupe that it’s lunchtime, and hand him the box. Your loyal Lupe will then
feed on the Pant Devil for lunch, and voila! instant Pant Devil Lunch…er, Box.
9. Every year we all are lucky enough to receive a Rod of Supernova from the
Advent Calendar. Then that rotten pant thief steals it from us! Next time, be
prepared by hiding a Giant Goo Blaster beneath your coat. The second you see
the Pant Devil, fire! This will temporarily blind the pant man, and you’ll finally
be able to get the coveted Rod of Supernova! Before you leave, remember to laugh
in the Pant Devil’s face, and give him a complimentary thwack on the head with
the Rod – just to teach him a lesson, of course.
10. On the Pant Devil’s birthday, give him a present. Go ahead. He deserves
it after a year’s worth of stealing other people’s hard work. Present him with
a Baby Paint Brush, encased in a clear plastic box. He’d never be able to tell
it’s only a plushie – until he opens it! But hey, it’s the thought that counts…right?
11. Lastly, carry all your expensive items in your arms, and stand behind a
clear, thick glass panel. You’ll see the Pant Devil’s ‘expensive item radar’
really does work, as he zips around the corner, ready to attack. Put your acting
skills to good use and pretend to be frozen in shock. Let the Pant Devil race
as fast as he can toward you, and expect a nice ‘splat’ sound to follow. Laugh
hysterically as the squished Pant Devil skids down the glass, and lands on his
precious underpants flag, breaking it.
So, there you have it. Why waste hundreds of thousands of neopoints to taunt
the Pant Devil for an avatar, when you could do it for free, and have a more
amusing time doing it? This is far more satisfying than beating him up in a
pointless fight at the Battledome. Taunt away, and enjoy your sweet revenge
on the Pant Devil!
Note: Sadly, no Pant Devils were hurt in the making of this article.
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