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50 Ways to Seem Like a Better Fisherman than You Really Are

by alialadyoftheknife


MARAQUA - Again, you are waiting. Not for the Wheel of Monotony, nor for the Ticket Booth to restock. No, now you're waiting in a cavern at the bottom of the sea, hoping against hope that when you reel in your line there will be a fish at the end of it. Well, here are some tips to save you all that waiting, or at least help you pass the time.

50. Fill some buckets with water and claim to have caught 1,000 Waterfish.

49. Sneak into the Underwater Cavern at night and dump a pile of bread into the water. Then come back the next day and fish by this place. By the end of the day you can claim to have caught many, many Bread Fish.

48. Draw some gills and a pair of eyes on every Rusty Old Can you pull out of the water before anyone sees it, and then claim to have discovered a shoal of Metal Fish.

47. Fish in the Lost Desert. Since the locals will have never seen a person fish before, you can claim to be the Most Amazing Fishing Person of Fishy-ness, and say that you fish by sitting in the shade eating Pyramibread.

46. Catch nothing and claim that that was exactly what you wanted to catch.

45. Build a Neohome in Maraqua, and just catch the fish who will swim in your windows with a butterfly net.

44. Tie all the bits of drift wood you've caught together with the shoelaces of the rotten shoes you keep catching. Then, from within the Underwater Cavern, poke the sea snail guarding the ruins of Maraqua repeatedly. As it charges into the cavern, yell "Look what I caught!". You might even get an avatar out of it.

43. Go fishing for Neopet Owners and use a Faerie Paintbrush as bait.

42. Fish in the Healing Springs. At the very least you'll catch a few people trying to nab healing potions.

41. Help Captain Scarblade launch an invasion on Kiko Lake. While everyone goes to fight in the ensuing war, they'll be less fishing competition.

40. Melt the Ice Caves and fish for prehistoric creatures that might have been frozen in them in the resulting giant puddle.

39. Threaten the fish with a carrot blade and demand that they be caught by you.

38. Fill the Underwater Cavern with rancid battle dung. The fish will throw themselves up onto the jetty with no other prompting.

37. Go for staff members and use asparagus as bait.

36. Promise to give the fish secret avatars if they let you catch them.

35. Put a bag on the jetty. Then tell the fish that the secret to why Meepits and Feepits hate each other is inside the bag.

34. Try fishing in the fountain outside the Neolodge.

33. Use all those Neoschool supplies that have been rotting in your safety deposit box to research how to build the ultimate fish trap of DOOM!

32. Fish in the wishing well and catch whatever it is down there that grants the wishes. Then wish for some fish.

31. Buy a fish negg. Then buy many, many grooming items. Groom the fish negg until all the fish adore it. Then use it as bait.

30. Unlock so many secret avatars that you are crushed by their weight, driving right through Neopia and out the other side, into a place where fish are plentiful.

29. Steal the comics that make up the Curse of Maraqua plot. Then cut out all the pictures of fins, tails, and other fishy things and glue them together to create a super 2D fish.

28. Fish in the Petpet Puddle. Petpets are MUCH easier to catch than fish. Just hope you don't catch the petpet of someone who could beat King Kelpbeard in the last war.

27. Poke random buttons on the Alien Aisha Vending Machine until a fish pops out.

26. Steal the Hidden Tower and use it to air lift the Alien Aisha Vending Machine to your secret base (you do have a secret base, don't you?) and hold it hostage. Return it only after the Alien Aisha have taught you the secret to fishing. (You can tell they catch a lot of fish because they even wear fish bowls on their heads.)

25. Tell bad jokes to King Skarl until he has you thrown in the castle moat. While there, see if you can catch some of the carnivorous fish chasing you.

24. Steal all of Kauvara's magical potions and mix them in the Cooking Pot. Then pour the resulting mixture on things until they mutate into fish.

23. Type fish over and over until everything starts to look and sound like fish. Then you at least imagine that you have plenty of fish.

22. Crash Kreludor into the Virtupets Space Station, creating a blast so huge it will leave a hole leading to an alternate dimension where you are a champion fisherman.

21. Use the Hamburger marking Neopia Central as bait.

20. Attach the end of your fishing line to one of the giant Kiko shaped buildings in Kiko lake and claim to have caught it.

19. Go fishing in the Rock Pool.

18. Tell Brucey B. that he can take down his war tent now. He will go into shock, allowing you to steal his lucky coin which you can use to help you catch fish.

17. Try fishing in all the flooded levels of Hannah and the Pirate Caves. There's got to be SOMETHING down there!

16. Get an Usul to stand on the end of the jetty yelling "Look what I caught!" Eventually it will be attacked by a giant titanic squid, which you can then claim to have caught. Until it attacks you.

15. Build a submarine out of Neopets TCG cards and go out in search of fish with it.

14. Tell King Kelpbeard that a local restaurant wants to steal his beard and serve it as food. After his armies raze said restaurant, you can steal the food you find in the rubble and use it as bait.

13. Poke millions and millions of holes in Garin's ship. Eventually it will sink, leaving the crew stranded on a desert island. After living off of fish for several weeks, they'll be sick of it and gladly give you all the fish they catch.

12. Make a fin out of cardboard and tie it to your Neopet's back. Then buy them a copy of Flotsam Swimming Lessons. Then have your Neopet swim about the underwater cavern with the fin above water, humming menacing theme music. All the fish will be scared and leap up onto the dock.

11. Draw a fishy face on an Ummagine, then tie it to the end of your fishing rod and cast your line, reeling it in a few minutes later.

10. Claim to have trapped millions of fish in one of the secret compartments of a Zen desk.

9. Spend years training at the Pirate Academy until your Neopet is strong enough to defeat Chiazilla. Then force it to catch fish for you.

8. Learn to tap dance. Then all the fish will leap up onto the jetty to watch.

7. Dunk all the other fishermen's bait in prune juice.

6. Go to Coltzan's Shrine until the ghost of Coltzan makes it rain fish.

5. Zap a piece of cheese with the lab ray until it becomes a fish.

4. Go into denial and insist that all the kelp you caught is really a school of kelp fish.

3. Kiss a Mortog until it turns into a fish.

2. Feed 100 Kadoaties in the Kadoatery until they grant you their secret mind controlling powers (how else would they make people give them blue Draik eggs for every meal?) and use them to make the fish obey you. Then lead your army of fish to conquer all of Neopia, which you then sell to Dr. Sloth for enough Neopoints to buy millions of fish which you can claim to have caught.

1. Write an article about how to become a better fisherman, so that all your competition will waste time reading it while you steal all of their fish.

What? You're done reading already?

No, there's nothing in this bag. *shifty eyes*

No, really, I didn't see who took your fish.

Well if you'll excuse me I have to be on my way. *runs*

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