A Comprehensive Guide to High Society in Neopia
If you’ve recently travelled to New Maraqua you won't have failed to notice the
restaurant Kelp. Home to some of the most magnificent and appetising foods I’ve
ever had the pleasure to taste. But wait! You’ve not had the pleasure to dine
in such a wonderful restaurant? Well, only those of the highest class in Neopia
can get in. You’re obviously not quite up to scratch. That is where I come in.
I can teach anyone the ways of high society, and I’m not even charging one single
One must know that there are certain hobbies that they should partake in if
they wish to be accepted into the right class of Neopians. There is of course
one hobby that all Neopians of high society should take part in, Bowls. A game
that takes much skill and flair. And there are no riffraff to be seen at all.
One should also take part in hobbies that are of a challenging nature. Only
someone of a good nature would be able to become a successful and well-established
Plushie Tycoon. If one is going to gamble they should choose to do it in only
the most respectable of places. Playing games such as Round Table Poker are
acceptable. However there are two places in particular someone of high class
should never be seen. The first is the Deserted Fairground in the Haunted Woods.
It is full of riffraff and low class people, and the atmosphere is extremely
unpleasant. And some of the inhabitants are frightfully unattractive. The second
is Tyrannia. Why anyone would want to play a game where you are constantly shouted
‘uggh uggh’ at is beyond me. Really, those Neopians lack any kind of civilisation.
Music is an important part of one's hobbies. If one wishes to play a musical
instrument they should play a highly regarded instrument, and should only play
the highest quality music. Ideal instruments to be played are the Piano, Violin,
Cello, Clarinet, Flute, Harp or French Horn. These are beautiful instruments
and sound wonderful to the ear. There are some musical instruments that one
should not play, however. No one who has an ounce of class would even think
of playing the guitar or the drums. How some people can even describe these
monstrosities as music is beyond me; they are just noise. You may wish to go
to the concert hall to listen to one of the many bands play (however the less
time spent in Tyrannia, the better). Put on your top hat and glasses and it’s
off to see the Neopian Philharmonic. They are the finest classical music act
in the whole of Neopia. That may be because they are the only classical music
act in Neopia, but it is still quite an achievement. One should not be seen
at a Twisted Roses show or Wock Til You Drop concert. They are not first-class
bands and have no degree of class. People should know better than that.
If you want to be in high society you will need to have the right Neohome.
We can’t all own a castle like King Skarl or a tower like Queen of the Faeries
(she’s a friend of mine, don’t you know), but we can certainly try our best.
The first thing to do is make sure you pick the right neighbourhood. Nothing
is worse than living in an area with good-for-nothing neighbours. One should
choose a nice place to live, like the rolling, peaceful hills of Brightvale
or the relaxing, calming Roo Island. They may cost a lot to build on but sometimes
you have to spend to get into good society. There are some places one must avoid,
in particular Neopia Central. Goodness me, that place is full of the most common
people I have ever seen in my life. It simply will not do to have a home amongst
such unrefined commoners. It is very important to buy in the right furniture
shops. It does nothing for your status to be seen in Fine Furniture. Every man
and his Lupe has a dinning room made out of Fresh Bamboo. And dung really isn’t
an attractive look. You want to be able to really impress your guests. You might
like to try Faerie Furniture or Kiko Lake Carpentry for something a bit more
fancy and upmarket. Don’t forget Brightvale Glaziers for some wonderful classy
windows. And remember; don’t be stingy on the building materials. One should
do one's best to make a good first impression.
Now you’ve got the perfect Neohome. you’re going to want to show it off. But
not to anybody. One must make sure to mix with the right people. Obviously you
have to be of very high status, such as myself, to mix with the truly special
Neopians, but you can start somewhere. Head along to the Gourmet Club Bowls
to meet the high society of Neopia. They don’t allow riffraff in that place,
you know. You may even be lucky enough to meet me there. I do enjoy a game or
two myself. One must be cautious about making contact with the so called ‘noobs’.
If anyone important catches you talking to them it could be quite serious. But
there is one person that you should be even more wary of. Associating with Adam,
or as he is commonly known Borovan, can be extremely damaging, and even fatal
to one’s social status. He is best avoided at all costs.
When you invite company to your Neohome. you will of course be serving them
afternoon tea. If you want to look good you won't be serving them free omelette.
And you certainly wont be serving any of those Spooky Foods - Mashed Eye Potato,
Spooky Handwich and the like. Nothing less than Gourmet Food will do. A nice
Cauliflower Soup followed by a wonderful Seafood Pasta Salad, and gorgeous Roast
Pork for the main course. Served with some cool Lemon Pop and Blueberry Deluxe
Cake to finish it off. And I realise that Bangers and Mash are considered Gourmet
Food, but really, I’m sure you can do better than that.
Food is only part of the visit. Conversation is extremely important. Nobody
wants to hear how ‘totally awesome’ the last Sticks N Stones concert was, or
what you got up to at the Space Battledome that day. Or at least, nobody important
wants to hear those things. If there is one thing that important people in high
society like, it’s money, in particular the stock market. Everybody in high
society plays the stock market, it’s just the done thing. And they love to talk
about it. One should always bring it up in conversation.
For example ‘Yar KAUF is up 24%, Yar I bought 1000 stocks in COFL today. Yar.
Yar’. The golden rule is that the more times you say Yar in a conversation the
more status you achieve.
So that’s my guide to gaining status in Neopia. Stick by the rules and it won't
be long till you’re in high status. However, if you read this hoping to learn
how to get a reservation at Kelp, there probably wasn’t much point. They don’t
have a reservation service.