Invisible Paint Brushes rock Circulation: 99,729,623 Issue: 198 | 8th day of Swimming, Y7
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Inedible Food

by tigerfanatic33


“Good afternoon, sir, I suppose you are here to buy some food for your pet?”

“Yes I am.”

“Good. Can I interest you in a Shaken-up Can of Neocola?”

“That sounds great; I’ll take it.”

“Hey, Omega. Guess what?”


“I got you a Can of Neocola.”

“Yay!! My favourite!!”

*opens the can*


Ah yes. The Shaken-Up Can of Neocola. On the outside it seems to be an ordinary can of Neocola., but on the inside it is fizzing with carbon waiting to be opened so it can explode in the face of an unsuspecting Battledome opponent. Yes, it is a weapon. Yes, I realise you thought it was a drink. Yes, there are many other items like that out there. Items that look like food but are unmistakably lethal if consumed. To prevent accidents involving the Weapon/Food items, I have created this article so you know what foods to be wary of and what foods to feed your face with. Behold, the top 10 Inedible Foods!!

10. Pea and Ham Baby Food - This isn’t actually a weapon. Boochi uses it and it is the weapon that you steal off him if you use a Purple Sticky Hand or another stealing weapon. I think this one is safe to eat; however, I wouldn’t be too sure. It is made out of peas, but you will find out more about the peas later in this article. =O

9. Various Muffins - Yes, the innocent baking delight can be a weapon and not a food. Some muffins can be consumed without a hassle but others will result in a burnt mouth, a green glowing aura and an evil looking tail growing. Before eating any muffin, throw it at an innocent passerby and see what happens. If they don’t explode into thousands of pieces, then it can be eaten.

8. Chia Flour - DO NOT EAT!! Whatever you do, DO NOT EAT!! This innocent looking bag of flour has a very bad reaction on all pets (except yellow Chias). Any pet that eats this will turn into a yellow Chia. If used in the Battledome, your opponent will become a Chia. It is not a food. Be sure to read the label before use; we don’t want any accidents, do we?

7. Slorg Flakes - Yum… Slorg Flakes. What am I saying? Similar to Chia Flour, these cruel flakes will not have any effect on your pet; instead they affect your petpet. It will turn any petpet into a green Slorg. Yes, that includes your Candychan or the 364 day old Snowbunny you were aging for the avatar. It may give your opponent a nasty surprise in the Battledome, however.

6. Brain Tree Mace - Yuck!! Why you would want to try to eat this, I don’t know, but I must advise against it. This powerful Mace is created out of a branch of the brain tree. It does 7 icons of damage in the Battledome and is not to be consumed under any circumstances.

5. Boochis Bottle - Not so much the bottle but what’s inside. This milk has been in the bottle since Dr. Sloth invaded. It is so old and sour that even smelling it can result in your nose running away scared. Boochi is one naughty baby; let's hope it learns proper hygiene soon.

4. Magical Glowing Carrot - Apart from the fact that it is glowing, it looks like a normal carrot. However, it is a Battledome weapon and if consumed may result in you being chased by mad Cybunnies. If consumed seek the advice of a Carrotologist; if they can not help, go spin the Wheel of Monotony because what goes in must come out… at some point, anyway.

3. Attack Pea - I bet you were wondering when I was going to say this one. This is one is very dangerous; it looks just like a plain ordinary pea. Now try and eat it…. KABOOM!!! See what I mean? Lethal. Also, this pea is so hard that you would probably break your teeth if you tried to eat it; even Skeiths and Jetsams have trouble eating this pea. It's very good in the Battledome but no good on a plate.

2. Seasonal Attack Pea - Fa lala la la!!!! Its easier to spot than a normal Attack Pea as it's wearing a hat but this pea is more dangerous. Remember all those presents you took back to the shop last year? This pea is the vengeance for those presents. Harder than the Attack Pea and faster than a faerie acorn, this pea is not something you want for Christmas dinner.

1. Super Attack Pea - The Ultimate Battledome Food. The super attack pea looks just like a pea but it is wearing a cape. A rare item sought after by avatar collectors and Battledomers alike, it costs over 200 million. When equipped to a Pea Chia it will unlock a very rare avatar and when used in battle it will inflict 32 icons of damage. When thrown, its speed can exceed that of a spotted Kougra running as fast as it can while the wind is at its back. It is harder than a Rock Muffin and more dangerous than Number Six when he can’t find his asparagus. After eating, expect this great pea to be zooming around in your stomach for hours on end until you can take it no longer and swallow a Basic Shovel. Yes, as strong as this pea is, a lot of its power can be reflected with a Basic Shovel. Unless you’re a ‘glutton’ for punishment, you will leave this pea for the Battledome.

I hope now you know the difference between edible food and battle food. I hope that now you believe your pet when they tell you that their Honey Potion burns their tongue and I also hope that you never again try to eat a Super Attack Pea.

May all your food be edible!!

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