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Dear Roxy: Spaced Out

by roxycaligirl101


Greetings readers! It's me, Roxy, the official advice columnist for the Neopian Times. Sorry, I haven't been able to write. I had a bit of an incident with my Angelpuss, Troxy. She doesn't really like me too much for some reason, but no one is really sure why. Well, she had me kidnapped where I was held hostage in space on some distant planet that didn't even have Neomail. Of course, I had to escape and now I am back on Neopia where there is Neomail and my job for the Times. I am home for good and Troxy has mysteriously disappeared. Rumor has it that Troxy has finally got in major trouble for her plans for world domination, kidnapping, and other minor crimes that she has committed. Apparently, the world didn't want to be conquered by a selfish, bossy, and temper-tantrum-throwing Angelpuss. Oh yeah, all hail Troxy, yeah…right! The day I bow down to Troxy is the day I don't care about fashion. Trust me readers that this day will never come.

Even though Troxy can be a major brat and she did order a kidnapping of me, I wish I knew where she was. She is still my petpet and I want to know if she is planning to strike again. I doubt it, I don't mean to spread rumors but I heard she is in good hands and won't be causing trouble again for a very long time.

Dear Roxy:

I'm leaving on a business trip soon and I have a problem. My Shoyru can't come with me. Now, he refuses to eat and fly. I've offered him the best care at the Neolodge, but he refused it. What should I do?

-Going On A Business Trip

Dear Going On A Business Trip:

I personally don't understand your Shoyru. Why does he want to attend the business trip with you so badly that he stops flying and eating? If he went with you to the conference he'd probably just spend time in a hotel room while you were downstairs with the other business people. This out-of-town hotel room would probably be exactly the same as the Neolodge, which is in town. So either way, it doesn't matter where he goes, he will end up in a hotel room. Geez, maybe your Shoyru doesn't like hotels or something. Personally, a weekend of gourmet food and spa treatments is way better than what I get at the Cali house. You tell your Shoyru to stay with my family for the weekend and I'll stay at the Neolodge. Oh calming, deep seaweed wraps, here I come!


Dear Roxy:

I recently painted my Zafara Christmas. She can't stand it. Her favorite band is the Twisted Roses and she wants to be just like them. I can't afford another paint brush. What do I do?

-Christmas Came Early

Dear Christmas Came Early:

It is called accessorizing. You simply need some dark eyeliner, some black clothes and some red funky jewelry. She'll be looking like a member of Twisted Roses in no time. She can look any way she wants through a little make-up, accessories, and a brand new ensemble.


Dear Roxy:

My brother and cousin have been playing practical jokes all over the place. First, it was just small things but I think they're might hurt someone soon. What should I do?

-Humorless Uni

Dear Humorless Uni:

Fight fire with fire. Play a little practical joke on them to show them that they are out of control. It could be quite impossible for you to perform a good joke though because you are, well, humorless. No pun intended, of course.


Dear Roxy:

I have a problem. I love drawing, it's my favorite hobby. However, I can't do it well. Whenever I draw, my art comes out floppy and distorted, and I'm limited to only a few poses so even I can tell what it is. Because of this my comics always get rejected from the Neopian Times. I've been viciously practicing for about a year now and taking lessons at any given opportunity. Despite all this, I improved very slowly and about three months ago I seemed to stop improving all together. I still can't get a comic in the Times!

-Tortured Bad Artist

Dear Tortured Bad Artist:

Who says you aren't good at art? Art isn't about drawing Boris' tails perfectly or being able to replicate the wings of a Hissi exactly. Art is showing the world how you see it and if you see it wildly disoriented and floppy then, that's the way you see it. You're not a bad artist, you're different and art is supposed to be different. You might not be a comic artist but it sounds like you'd be one awesome painter. I suggest you try and open your own gallery with your artwork; I'd love to check it out. Make sure to throw a killer gallery opening party, though; it's the only way to get the word out about your work.


Dear Roxy:

I was walking down the street when I found a spoon. This wasn't any spoon, it was a golden spoon. Being the curious Chia I am, I naturally picked it up. So, I'm walking down the street carrying this golden spoon when my best friend approaches me. I show her the marvelous treasure that I found her lying in the middle of the street. She sneers at my spoon which makes me very angry. I threw the spoon at her and ran away in hot, angry tears. Later that day, I went back for the golden spoon but it was no longer there. Now, I have a best friend that sneers at golden spoons, no golden spoon and I have hot angry tears. Roxy, what is a Chia to do?

-Lassie Lumpernickel

Dear Lassie Lumpernickel:

I am sorry that your best friend didn't find your spoon very fascinating, but you shouldn't have thrown it at her. You let your temper get the best of you. You need apologize to your best friend. Even though she sneered, which is wrong, you need to be the bigger person and apologize. People are allowed to have different tastes and interests. My best friend likes limes but I despise them but we're still friends. Friendship is much bigger than having all the exact same interests. As for the golden spoon, you'd be amazed what finds it way to the Money Tree. I think I might have seen a golden spoon there a little while ago; it's full of lost treasures.


Dear Roxy:

I am a Green Grarrl who is pre-judged because of my species. What can I do to let other pets and people know that I am really gentle at heart?

-Gentle Giant

Dear Gentle Giant:

People are always going to judge, it's a fact. Does it stink? Yes! I wish we could live in a world without judgments and assumptions but sadly, we do not. The only way you can let people know that you aren't the terrible beast they stereotype you to be is to simply let your kind and friendly personality to shine through your scary exterior. There isn't anything else you can really do. For the rest of us, let's learn something from Gentle Giant; stereotypes and assumptions hurt you as much they hurt others. So, let's all try to keep an open mind and become more accepting to slowly make Neopia a better place.


Now, readers, I must depart; I have a major case of jet lag. I need to get some rest, and trust me, that there will be columns to come, because Troxy might have gotten me once, but she won't get me again!

To submit your question/problem to be answered by Roxy, simply send a Neomail to roxycaligirl101. All messages must be appropriate with proper spelling and grammar. Please put the subject as "Dear Roxy." Inappropriate, tasteless, and repeatedly sent messages will be deleted, so please don't waste your and my time. Please don't send problems that have already been solved by Roxy. Due to an overwhelming amount of messages, Roxy cannot answer all the messages. All messages are subjected to editing and can be published. So, don't submit something if you don't want to see it in the Neopian Times.

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