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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 30th day of Collecting, Yr 22
The Neopian Times Week 5 > Neomarket Report

The Neo-Market Report

Once more the time has come to pay a visit with Neopia’s foremost economic experts. Joining Neil and Maria today will be Kerwin Korbetter of Fuzz-I-Ow! Plasters and Bandages, who’ll be here to discuss how the arrival of pirates in Neopia has had an impact on their company. And now, here are our hosts…

KAUVUTO: Hello and welcome to this week’s edition of The Neo-Market Report. I’m your host Neil Kauvuto, Financial Editor of The Neopian Times, and as always I’m joined by my lovely co-host, Maria Blumaroono, who comes to us today from the News Desk with the latest news from the floor of the exchange. Maria, take it away…

BLUMAROONO: Well Neil, the big story this week continues to be the arrival of pirates in Neopia. With the discovery of their home on Krawk Island, Pirate-mania has gotten even more out of control. After learning that Krawk Island was a mere eighty miles south of Mystery Island, floods of Neopians rushed to leave their tropical paradise, fearing that Mystery Island would surely be the pirates’ next target. As a result, stock in Hakaheke Island Flights soared a whopping 33 NPs a share. With everyone clamouring for a ticket to get off the island, the cost of leaving skyrocketed, resulting in record profits for Hakaheke. When asked to comment on the situation, Hakaheke President Cappa Torville said, “I’m not sure what this holds for the future of Mystery Island, but I have to say that, if people are going to leave, at least I’m glad that their choosing to do it on my airline.”

KAUVUTO: As the tension builds between Neopians and their newfound neighbours, a couple of stocks have continued to rise. One stock to watch is Health Frog Groceries, whose founder Quinton the Quiggle dropped in to visit us last week. After vaulting an impressive 14 NPs a share last week, Health Frog managed to jump another 18 points this week, giving the company a 400% increase in less than two weeks. Also cashing in on the pirates’ arrival is Breadmaster Bakeries, who after a momentary slowdown last week, bounced back with a stunning 17-point gain. Apparently, The Breadmaster will have to keep working overtime as Neopians continue to stock up on necessities.

BLUMAROONO: Another company turning a tidy profit from the arrival of the pirates is Fuzz-I-Ow! Plasters and Bandages, whose Director of Sales, Kerwin Korbetter, joins us today. Kerwin, thanks for stopping by…

KERWIN: I’m glad to be here, Maria.

BLUMAROONO: Now, we’ve seen your sales jump during the past week—some analysts have attributed this to the fact that many Neopians are expecting some sort of conflict with the pirates. Do you feel this is an accurate assessment?

KERWIN: No, not at all, Maria. Our studies show that, while there are a few isolated cases of stockpiling medical supplies for such a reason, we’ve found that for the most part, this sudden rise in sales has coincided nicely with our new line of “Fun Plasters” for kids. The designs are really cool, and our marketing department assures us that consumer awareness for this product is extremely high. So no, Maria, we don’t feel that this sudden “pirate craze” has had any significant impact on our sales.

KAUVUTO: That’s ridiculous! There have been numerous reports about Neopians raiding stores and buying up the medical supplies. Why are you downplaying the effect the pirates have had on your sales? Could it be that you don’t want people to think you’d be profiting from a war if there were one?

KERWIN: Well, like I said… there have been one or two isolated incidents. But, if that were the case, and we really were profiting from such an unfortunate circumstance, then I’m sure we would follow Quinton the Quiggle’s example and donate a significant portion of our profits to charity. But honestly, have you seen our new line of “Fun Plasters”? They’re really great! I’m telling you, they’re the reason we’re doing so well…

KAUVUTO: Oh wait, now I get it: as long as you don’t admit that you’re making tons of money from folks preparing for a possible war, then there’s no pressure to give the profits away to charity. Plus, you can go around promoting these silly “Fun Plasters” you keep talking about… like anybody cares about those. Pretty sneaky, Kerwin… you almost had us fooled!

KERWIN: No, seriously! Our statistical data has clearly shown…

BLUMAROONO: Well, that’s about all the time that we have this week. For Kerwin Korbetter and Neil Kauvuto, this is Maria Blumaroono saying thank you, and so long….

Check out previous Neomarket Reports:
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