Pretext Note: If your idea of a good time is reading a story with love, passion
and romance... then this definitely isn't the Valentine's Day story for you.
The sun rose over the dung-green trees of the Haunted
Woods. It was the beginning of a new day, one that promised a wonderful day
to many Neopians... not all though. GoldenRhino the baby Tonu awoke and walked
into the kitchen.
"Happy Valentine's Day!" exclaimed JadePaw the
(newly morphed and painted) cloud Draik. She ran up to GoldenRhino and handed
him a bright pink Valentine.
"What's so happy about it?" grumbled GoldenRhino.
"I can't believe what I'm hearing! It's a day
of love, romance, happiness, romance, love, passion, happiness, romance, passion
but most of all love!" said JadePaw.
"I just don't see the point," muttered the annoyed
"I just named nine different things and you
still can't see the point! Anyway check the calendar, there's probably something,"
JadePaw replied as she left the room. GoldenRhino looked up at the calendar.
'Valentine's Day and Neopians everywhere are sending each other messages of
"Lurve? What in Fyora's nasal passages is Lurve?"
he asked aloud. At that moment TK entered the room laughing.
"Fyora's nasal passages? That's an odd comparison
type thingy, yipyip."
"Okay... What in the Snowager's change purse
is Lurve?" he asked. TK just stared blankly. "Well you're one to talk, saying
"Yipyip! It means 'yes', duh. And Lurve means
love. Anyway, I've got to deliver some poems to some girls I know," he said
as he started to leave.
"Wait! Let me hear one of your poems," GoldenRhino
"Sure... this one's to Lauren. Lauren, Lauren,
you're really fun but why does your breath smell like dung?" read TK aloud.
"That wasn't very nice," GoldenRhino stated.
"I know, these poems are for every girl who's
refused to go out with me. So obviously this is going to take most of the day,
yipyip. Bye!" TK said as he left. TK's explanation of Valentine's Day just didn't
seem good enough for the little Tonu.
"I'm going out to find the meaning of Valentine's
Day!" cried GoldenRhino as he stormed out of the NeoHome.
GoldenRhino walked down the dung-green path. Yeah, it really is sort of disturbing
walking in dirt that looked like it belonged in a toilet but he didn't care.
Not only was he from Tyrannian, Dung Capital of Neopia, but he was determined
to find out the true meaning of Valentine's Day. He spotted a rather chubby
Zafara on the ground eating something... something brown.
"You're not eating the grass, are you?" asked
GoldenRhino as he ran up.
"Of course not, I stay away from eating grass,
especially brown grass. I'm eating chocolate!" said the Zafara as he continued
to shovel down the chocolate.
"That's quite a bit. Where'd you get it from?"
"Nearly all the Valentines I receive today had
some candy with them. Man, these are really good!" cried the Zafara as he shoved
the last of his chocolates into his mouth.
"Would you say candy is the true meaning of
Valentine's Day?" asked GoldenRhino.
"Of course!" said the Zafara.
"But I don't get it. It's not even noon and
yet you had so much candy. How does that work?" questioned GoldenRhino.
"I guess I'm just good with the ladies. Sweet
mother of snowberries, there's another layer in this box of chocolates!" cried
the Zafara as he continued to pig out.
"I can definitely see why you're so good with
the girls," lied GoldenRhino as he slowly backed away. Could candy be the true
meaning of Valentine's Day? Probably not, it just seemed there were so many
other days reserved for candy. Halloween, Easter, Christmas and especially St.
David's Day. It just didn't seem right.
GoldenRhino continued his search further down
the path. He came along a Quiggle vendor who was selling a whole ton of merchandise.
He saw GoldenRhino and pushed his clanging cart up to him.
"It's Valentine's Day, and you have one thing
in mind, don't you?" asked the Quiggle.
"Yeah, I'm trying to find the meaning of Va--"
"You want to find the perfect gift for a loved
one! Well search no further, I have all of your Valentine's Day items! Take
this Rod of Love, or this charming Valentine!" said the Quiggle as he held up
two of his pieces of merchandise.
"That Rod of Love looks suspiciously like a
branch from a tree painted pink. And that Valentine looks like you painted a
leaf red!" cried GoldenRhino.
"Awww, come on! You know the entire purpose
of Valentine's Day is buying stuff, so ease the weight your change purse is
making." GoldenRhino's eyes flared with fury. Nobody implies he carries a change
purse and gets away with it. GoldenRhino forced the vendor to eat his 'charming
Valentines' and continued his search.
It took a few hours and nothing seemed right.
Mixed messages of food, Neopoints spending not to mention many others were what
GoldenRhino was getting. Finally he found none other than his faithful owner
TK running from a girl who was brandishing a very painful looking fire poker.
"TK, who was that?" asked GoldenRhino as he
ran up to him.
"That was Penny who didn't appreciate her Valentine
for some reason. You are very, very nice dear Penny, but your face looks like
the back-end of a Lenny," recited TK.
"I wonder why," said GoldenRhino sarcastically.
"Valentine's Day is all about revenge, everybody
knows that, yipyip," stated TK as if it was the most obvious thing in the word.
"Riiiight... Hey, I just realized something!
I spent the entire day searching for the meaning of Valentine's Day... and it's
a Friday! There was no Neoschool today!" exclaimed GoldenRhino.
"Your point being..."
"Valentine's Day isn't about Lurve, candy, spending
NP, revenge or anything else! It's about getting the day off of Neoschool!"
cried the baby Tonu as he jumped around for joy.
Okay, maybe GoldenRhino totally missed the point,
but it didn't matter. He was satisfied and so was everyone else... well almost
Epilogue: All of the girls who received nasty Valentines from TK ganged
up and hit him with an assortment of blunt objects. That's what the 'well almost
everyone' was referring to. Happy Valentine's Day!