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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 26th day of Awakening, Yr 23
The Neopian Times Week 75 > Continuing Series > Indiana Jub and the Wooden Spoon: Part Two

Indiana Jub and the Wooden Spoon: Part Two

by barrelofmalkies

The Dangers of Background Music
It took a moment for Jubby to recover, both from the sudden force of Fyora's words, and the overpowering blare of dramatic music that accompanied them. He found himself on the floor with his chair tipped over backwards. Digger was hiding under his overturned basket, and the curtains were entangled with the window sash. Fyora seemed the only person or thing unruffled in the entire office.

     "The wooden spoon?" Jubby asked as he laboured back to his feet.

     "No. THE WOODEN SPOON," Fyora replied. The music blared, and once again Jubby found himself on his back. Fyora simply looked down over her desk, and added "You have to say it with emphasis."

     "Right..." Jubby growled as he hopped back to his feet, and righted the chair with a mighty kick. "But for now, let's skip the emphasis and get back to business."

     Fyora nodded and smiled benevolently, not daring to open her mouth in case her gleeful laughter escaped. With a far less benevolent look, Jubby hopped back onto his chair, and braced himself for any more blasts of dramatic music.

     "So, some dark power is trying to get the and we have to get it first," Jubby stated.

     "That's right."

     "So...where is the ancient kitchen utensil? I need to know so that I can go get it."

     "I'm not sure," Fyora confessed. "Otherwise I would have gone and gotten it myself."

     Jubby barely resisted rolling his eyes. "OK. So you don't know where it is. Do you know who might know? Is there a Wooden Fork or Wooden Kebab Set that go with it and might help me find it?"

     "No, Jubby. There's not so much as a napkin ring," Fyora sighed.

     "Well, we're on our own...again," Jubby said with a shrug of the fuzzy patches where his shoulders might have been. "Come on Digger. We've got work to do."

     Digger crawled from under his basket with a longing look. He had been hoping that Fyora would have a moment to comfort "the poor puppy" after his horrible scare. But from the look on Jubby's face, he knew it was not to be. Fyora gave them a wave goodbye and a call of "Good Luck!" as they headed out the door...but that wasn't nearly enough to assuage Digger's broken heart.

     "So where are we going?" he asked irritably as they passed the front gates of the Palace.

     "To talk to Jhudora," Jubby replied.

     "But Fyora said that she didn't think Jhudora was behind it," Digger protested.

     "You just don't want to face her again."

     "Her green lipstick scares me!" Digger whined. "And those nails! My claws are better manicured than that!"

     "Well then keep your eyes closed, and let me deal with her," Jubby told him irritably. "I swear, you are such a wimp."

     "Hey, if you were facing something with green fingernails as big as you, wouldn't YOU be scared?"

     Jubby only rolled his eyes and dragged Digger into Jhudora's Cloud anyway. He found that he was last in a rather long line of Neopets. Many were carrying different strange items, anything from chia pops to Battledome weapons. The rest wore expressions from crestfallen to absolutely terrified. Our hero watched the seething throng of Neomanity unworried, but Digger was not so tranquil.

     "I knew it! I knew it!" he hissed, hiding himself behind the huge ball of fluff that is Indiana Jub.

     "You knew what?"

     "She's making a Battle-Flavoured Chia Pop!"

     "A what?" Jubby laughed.

     "No seriously. The Chia pops, the makes sense! She's going to infuse the Chia pops with the battle essence of the weapons...and make a Chia pop that will turn any Chia that eats it into a rippling-muscled mega-warrior!" Digger explained frantically.

     Jubby thought about this possibility, and was just about to tell Digger that he was full of baked beans, when a most un-faerielike piercing shriek said "NEXT!" Jubby looked around. The line was BEHIND them now, rather than in front...which meant that somehow they were next. As they approached the doorway to Jhudora's inner sanctum, Jubby looked around for the source of that unholy cry.

     It was Digger who found it, a small, rather skinny Meekins, with the most pathetic expression on its' face. "NEXT!" the poor little petpet yelled. "NEXT!" Jubby turned to the pathetic petpet, and asked "What's the matter little Meekins? Isn't she feeding you?"

     "NO!" the Meekins shrieked. "NEXT!" Jubby gave his sidekick a conspiratorial look, and headed into Jhudora's sanctum. And there she was, lounging on her E-VL Boy reclining cloud, a green eyebrow delicately arched as she watched her prey.

     "Indiana Jub," she purred. If Fyora's voice was a thousand harmonious bells, and the Light Faerie's was the sound of sunlight on morning dew, then Jhudora's was the soft rub of shadow over velvet, or hundreds of Shadow Kougras purring. "One of my minions...that is...clients...told me they saw you outside. What can Jhudora do for you today?"

     "I'm looking for information," Jubby replied, not the least bit taken in by the Dark Faerie's velvety voice.

     "So?" Jhudora said with a laugh. "I'm not the Water Faerie. I don't do anything for free."

     "Well...what do you want?"

     "What do you need information on?"

     "The..." Jubby paused, and braced himself for the sound explosion he knew was coming. "WOODEN SPOON!"

     The mighty blast of background music ruffled the fluffy bits of cloud, and Jhudora's hair...but left the Dark Faerie utterly unfazed. She tapped a green nail to her green lips thoughtfully, looking Jubby up and down, as if to determine the amount of work or special items she could milk out of him. She looked up, and smiled. It was a slow, lazy smile, like a Kadoatie who just drank a whole Kau Kau farms milkshake by himself.

     "You can start by getting me a new Meekins," she told him, "since your Doglefox is out there ruining him. They're no good as announcers once they get fed."

     "Absolutely not!" Jubby replied in horror. "I'd never put another petpet into your evil hands after seeing what you've done to this one!"

     "What did you just say to me?"

     "I said" Jubby replied, his voice slow and his pronunciation very careful "No Way, you evil petpet abuser."

     "Why you little armless ball of arrogance!" Jhudora raged. She stood from her E-VL Boy cloud, sparks flying from her eyes and lightning crackling between her outstretched talons.

     Jubby knew that there were three times to run: 1) when the odds were 100 to 1 in the other team's favour, 2) when the Monoceraptor was chasing you, and 3) when you've ticked off the Dark Faerie! Since this definitely fell under situation #3, Jubby took off as fast as his short little ankles would carry him. Digger, who had been having a perfectly nice time feeding crisps to the Meekins, saw the furry streak of Jubjub that was his master...and followed suit.

     As they fled the potential disaster, Jubby suddenly heard laughter from behind them. He turned, and was face-to-kneecap with Jhudora herself...who was smiling in a most unpleasant way. Of course, Jubby suddenly realised, Jhudora probably didn't know any other way to smile.

     "Silly, silly Jub," Jhudora chided. "You didn't really think I was going to fricassee you?"

     "Um...char-broil is more like it," Jubby grumbled, his eyes darting back and forth, looking for some way to get out of there.

     "I was thinking electroplate personally!" Digger said from behind Jubby's fuzzy back. Our fluffy hero, not to mention Jhudora, shot him a warning look...and that was the end of his electricity jokes.

     Jhudora shook her head, and chuckled darkly. "Silly, silly Jub. I'll have too much fun watching you fail. I would never want to end your mission this early," she said with a fang-filled grin.

     "Gee, thanks," Jubby replied, more than a little bitterly. "But you may be disappointed!" he added as a new wave of courage smacked him in the face. "I don't plan to fail."

     "The best laid plans of Meercas and Myncies..." Jhudora said with a shrug. "Just to be a sport, I'll tell you one thing, for free."

     "Oh? What's that?"

     Jhudora leaned down, and pressed her green lips close to Jubby's strawberry fur. "It wasn't me!" she whispered. She straightened up to her full faerie height, and grinned evilly at hero and sidekick. With another maniacal cackle and a puff of purple and green smoke, Jhudora was gone.

     For a moment, Jubby and Digger could do nothing but stand there, coughing and choking on the leftover smoke. When the air cleared, Jubby sighed, and looked down at Digger.

     "You know what this means," he said glumly.

     "No, what?"

     "What do we do every time Fyora sends us on a wild Beekadoodle chase and we have no idea where to go?"

     Digger stopped and thought about this for a minute. He finally looked up at Jubby and whispered "You don't mean..."

     "Yup. It's time to decode a conversation with the Island Mystic."

To be continued...

Previous Episodes

Indiana Jub and the Wooden Spoon: Part One

Indiana Jub and the Wooden Spoon: Part Three

Indiana Jub and the Wooden Spoon: Part Four

Indiana Jub and the Wooden Spoon: Part Five

Indiana Jub and the Wooden Spoon: Part Six

Indiana Jub and the Wooden Spoon: Part Seven

Indiana Jub and the Wooden Spoon: Part Eight

Indiana Jub and the Wooden Spoon: Part Nine

Indiana Jub and the Wooden Spoon: Part Ten

Indiana Jub and the Wooden Spoon: Part Eleven

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