"Well, Egg, give it up. Where's the answer key for the
Little Book Of Puzzles?" CoolPenguin asked me.
"I've told you once, I've told you 256,825,956
times, it won't work! We'll have to find KittyKat ourselves if we want her back."
WoofWolf muttered.
"There's no harm in trying," I said as I brought
the answer key out from under my bed.
"Aha! Here it is... puzzle #102... 'I have what
you need; magical Christmas Paint Brushes of ultimate power...' You think that
spell will work?" CoolPenguin asked.
"Give it up, CoolPenguin..." WoofWolf groaned.
"Sometimes the question of your sanity comes to mind, and there is no answer
to that question!"
"That's one good reason to bring KittyKat back,"
I moaned as I pulled out a jar of Magic Goop.
"All right now, I'll need a wand, and I'll need
to look like Jhudora," CoolPenguin said. "Any ideas?"
"Our owner doesn't play Dark Faerie Quests,"
I said. "Therefore we do not have Jhudora's Wand, or a mask that you can wear
to make you look like Jhudora. Nobody would want to, anyway..."
"I can use my Magtile Staff and my Official
Coconut Mask," CoolPenguin said while putting on the mask.
"Do you really think Jhudora wears that ridiculous
mask to work?" WoofWolf asked.
"Silence, you imbecile! I need to concentrate
my dark power on this spell," CoolPenguin said in an extremely futile attempt
to imitate Jhudora.
The extremely funny Electric Bruce then proceeded
to walk around in circles while moaning and groaning. He finally stopped, said
the 'magic' words, and hit the floor with the Magtile Staff. This caused the
room to be flooded in inky darkness, except for a purple glow in the middle
of the room.
"I can't see a thing! Maybe it is working...
I stand corrected..." WoofWolf yelped. He ran around in circles, only to trip
on the Petpets and the Petpets ran all over the floor, making terrible noises
and causing a general uproar.
Suddenly, the purple glow on the floor formed
into a vague Kougra-shaped blob. "It's working, it's working!" CoolPenguin exclaimed.
"Uh... I... don't you think it's a little too
small?" I asked CoolPenguin.
All of the blackness seemed to flow back into
the blob. When the purple glow disappeared, we found a smoking White Kougra
Plushie in the middle of the floor in the spot where KittyKat was supposed to
appear.
"It's a burning White Kougra Plushie," CoolPenguin
said, stupefied by what he saw.
"A lot of good that does," WoofWolf grumbled.
His legs were hurting all over because of this 'magic' spell, and he did not
like that in the least.
"Stupid Magtile Staff!" CoolPenguin shouted
as he threw it onto the floor. As soon as it landed on the floor, it turned
into a real Magtile.
"ARGH!!!! Magtile alert, take it away!!!!!!"
WoofWolf yelped as he ran around the bedroom in circles with his tail between
his legs.
I picked it up and it instantly turned back
into a staff. "Well, CoolPenguin, you're definitely not Moses, but it's a sign:
Let your spell go," I remarked.
Several hours later...
I was still sitting on my bed trying to figure
out puzzle #150 in my Little Book Of Puzzles when CoolPenguin started to complain:
"I'm hungry, Egg. Why can't we go to the Beano to eat? Please?"
"You're always hungry," WoofWolf grumbled, "and
I'm not hungry, so we'll stay right here, at home sweet home, and- ARGH! I'm
starving!!!! Please, Egg, take us to the Beano so that we can eat! Please?"
"All right," I told them, "why not? I've still
got a whole lot of NP to spend anyway."
"Oops. Of course, there's the problem of sneaking
out of the house," WoofWolf groaned.
"Then why won't he feed us himself?" CoolPenguin
asked. "After all, we are starving, and he does care, right?"
"Yes, I'm sure he does, but most Neopets only
eat one meal per day, and he thinks we're like that. He already fed us breakfast,"
I said.
"Of all the incoherent, lowdown, useless, #%@$!..."
CoolPenguin muttered to himself.
"That's not very nice," I said. "I've got a
good mind to revoke my offer to bring you to the Beano for dinner."
WoofWolf snickered and said: "Serves you right,
CoolPenguin!"
"Oh, please, not that! I'll do anything, ANYTHING!!!!!!!!"
CoolPenguin begged pitifully.
"All right, I'll take you both to the Beano,"
I said.
"Oh yeah, right. How are we going to get out
of the house without our owner noticing?" WoofWolf asked.
"How 'bout that sticky ladder in the attic?"
I suggested.
"Oh no. Anything but that ladder, please! Remember
the last time we used that ladder? We got stuck in it, and you had to pull us
up," WoofWolf grumbled.
"Well? Do you guys want to eat, or not?" I asked
them.
After one hour and precisely 45 minutes
When we got to the Beano, we found a large group
of bewildered Neopets standing at the door of the café. "What's going
on?" I asked a blue Krawk. He said nothing, but merely pointed to the sign on
the front door.
"What!?!? 'Closed'!?!? I thought this place
was supposed to be open 24-7!" CoolPenguin exclaimed. "They said so themselves
in their sign!"
"So they do," I remarked. All in all, the whole
thing seemed rather weird. Wouldn't you think it to be weird if you saw the
words: 'Closed' and '24-7 service' right next to each other?
"Oh, great," WoofWolf groaned, "now how are
we supposed to get our dinner? *tsk* I'll never get used to saying those words."
"Hey, you stole my line!" CoolPenguin shouted.
"I demand that you pay for the usage of my line!"
"Sure I will, as in, like, 0 NP. Hehehe," WoofWolf
snickered.
"Uh, guys, what are those marks on the road?"
I asked.
"I dunno," CoolPenguin said, "but you might
want to try on your Eyrie Mask for size."
"They're tire tracks," I said after I had taken
a closer look. "Something weird is definitely going on around here..."
"So where do the tire tracks lead?" WoofWolf
asked.
Before I could answer, CoolPenguin interrupted
and said: "I really don't care, just so long as I get something to eat!!!!"
"How 'bout some choice Maggot Stew to perk you
up? That ought to do," I teased CoolPenguin.
"Eww... I meant anything but Gross Food," CoolPenguin
grumbled.
"Hello, I'm asking a question here!" WoofWolf
growled.
"I don't know where the tire tracks lead yet,
WoofWolf. But if we follow them, we shall soon find out," I replied.
Precisely 15 minutes later
"What's that smell?" WoofWolf grumbled. "Smells
like... smoked fish! I thought we were going to the Neocola Research Facility
because the tire tracks went that way, not to the Fish Pop Factory!"
"We are going to the facility," CoolPenguin
said, "but- ewww...something smells of smoke... *hack*"
"I must be a lunatic," WoofWolf moaned, "to
smell smoked fish when there is no smoked fish... ugh!"
"You're not a lunatic," I told him. "The research
facility is on FIRE!!!!"
"Nah, you're just saying that," WoofWolf groaned,
but when he looked up, he was so shocked that his lower jaw dropped clear from
his mouth (really!).
It was a living nightmare. The blazing inferno
towered high above us as we stood there staring stupidly at it.
"Hey, we could use your help," a Gelert said.
"Since Fire pets are resistant to heat, you should go in there and see whether
anybody's trapped."
"All right, I'll try," I said. I put on my Eyrie
Mask and flew straight in. The first thing that caught my eye was the large
heap of paper bags in one corner. When I flew over to investigate, I found that
they were Tiki Bomb Bags! Uh oh...
When I woke up, WoofWolf and CoolPenguin were
standing over me. It seemed like they had a few questions to ask.
"What did you find in there?" CoolPenguin asked.
"There was the sound of an explosion, and you come flying out like a shooting
star!"
"50 Tiki Bomb Bags, I should think," I replied
weakly.
WoofWolf put his lower jaw firmly back into
place and asked why there was the smell of fish when it was the Neocola Research
Facility that was burning, not the Fish Pop Factory.
"We don't know yet," I replied. "Hey, more tire
tracks! I wonder where these ones lead to."
"Can't we at least eat something, before we
go on another wild tire track chase?" CoolPenguin asked.
"Well, sure. I brought some BBQ Sauce Omelette,"
I told CoolPenguin.
After the brief Omelette feast, we followed
the tire tracks. Following the tire tracks brought us to a strange new building.
"I don't remember this building being here,"
CoolPenguin said, puzzled.
"Neither do I," WoofWolf grumbled. "Smells of...
bleuggh... fish!"
We decided to creep in as quietly as we could.
A quick glance in every direction revealed that this place was some sort of
factory, but none of us knew exactly what kind.
"Looking for something?" a voice asked. I turned
around and saw the Scorchio who ran the Beano, Professor Bug, and a few other
pets (which were apparently guarding the place). "I think it's a cute little
Christmas Kougra with whiskers. Did I get it right?"
"Well, yes. I hate to admit it, but it's 50
points to you," CoolPenguin snapped, quickly pulling out his Scarab Stone Slingshot.
"Not a 100, though, because of the whiskers part."
"Oh, that's too bad," the Scorchio said. "Nevertheless,
nobody gives me less than a 100 points and gets away with it. And this is a
little out of place, but that Doglefox you're carrying, Egg, once belonged to
me. OK, and, by the way, you'll never see that Christmas Kougra again unless
you drop your weapons."
"Wrong answer, buster," WoofWolf growled. "We
have already seen that Christmas Kougra. The Doglefox was paid for, and my brother's
name is not Egg, for your information."
"Excuse me guys. The Christmas Kougra has a
name!" KittyKat shouted from inside a wire cage that was sitting directly behind
the Scorchio. "Hey, Egg! But... the Tiki Bomb Bags! I thought you were a goner."
"So you cheated the system, hmm? Well, not to
worry," the Scorchio chuckled. He pulled a thick piece of cloth onto the cage.
"Now you won't see the Kougra until you drop your weapons."
"Very funny," I said. "But... the Doglefox!
We paid for it in the Petpet Shop! It cost a whole lot of NP, but it was worth
every bit."
"Hmm. It must have sneaked into the shop. And
it definitely wasn't worth it, you know. I tried to feed the little creep fish
and it complained!" the Scorchio grumbled. "That ungrateful little brat!"
"Okay, I'm getting tired of this whole game,"
Professor Bug said, yawning. "Grab all of them!"
Instead of trying to resist, CoolPenguin and
WoofWolf dropped their weapons and tried their best (which was, indeed, not
very good) to run away from the guards that were chasing them. They accidentally
fell head first into the factory equipment and couldn't get out until the guards
'assisted' them.
And how about me? Now I wish I had favoured
the wings over the legs. Who's the dummy here is up to you to decide.
"Nice boys," the Scorchio said. "Well, I guess
I can tell you my entire plan from the beginning, but briefly. I wanted to improve
my business by selling the Fruit Surprise. But nobody bought it, so I decided
to steal the secret formula of Neocola to enhance the drink. Besides, I am the
one and only Fish_Breath!"
At this I got infuriated and pulled out my gun,
but I soon found there was no asparagus left in it! Oh dear.
The Scorchio chuckled and sprang at me. I had
to take to the skies, but he followed with ease. When I found (at long last)
someone who was eating asparagus, I snatched the asparagus and left a bundle
of Neopoints in his hand. I loaded my gun and tried to shoot, but he threw a
Rubber Axe of Doom at my hand, causing me to drop the gun. The Scorchio caught
the gun and the axe.
"Aha! Now that I have your gun, I don't need
this axe anymore!" he grinned.
He threw the axe downwards, but it bounced straight
back up and knocked him out.
"Let this be a lesson to you. Behind bars you'll
have plenty of time to learn an important law of physics: Rubber axes will come
back to you," I chuckled.
Much later, back at home
"I'm glad this case is finally over," KittyKat
yawned. "This bed is so much softer than the floor of that cage."
"We're all glad this case is over," I said.
"Let's get some shuteye, shall we?"
All right, goodbye to you, and - wait! You've
been spying on me all this time, haven't you? Well, I'm afraid I will have to
blast your memories of this story. *flash appears and you forget all about the
story* Goodbye now.
Epilogue
There is nothing much to be said, except
for the fact that Fish_Breath and Professor Bug are now under lock and key.
The Neocola Research Facility was rebuilt, this time as an 80-story building.
Oh, and make sure you learn the Bouncy Law Of Physics!
The End | 
